The dimensions of self play out like layers of silk in a loose frame that we could call a sense of self. I am thousands of feet in the air. I am living life. I am thinking about living life. I am observing myself thinking about living life. I am the space where the thoughts about living life take shape. I am aware that ‘I am’, implies an identity and ‘where’ implies a location when the “truth” is that both statements imply time and form and yet consciousness extends far beyond that dimension of existence. Being able to simultaneously perceive these layers of self, is both displacing and familiar.
Sitting on this airplane, headed towards Orlando, I am reminded of an episode of Star Trek that I watched as a child. The crew members of the ship were all put to sleep in chambers to make a trip that spanned light-years. One of the crew members woke up first and it was his job to wake up everyone around him. I remember the feeling I got in my gut when I watched that episode. I was conscious of my purpose somewhere in the images on the screen and in that feeling. It was a foreshadowing. It is the same feeling that I feel today, a polarizing feeling… The feeling of a loneliness that is connected. To be one that has awakened from the dream in a world full of people who are still dreaming. The light of consciousness is dimmed in most people for the moment. It does not shine through their being. Or shall I say that their being does not yet shine through their form. They are like suns that have not yet risen above the horizon. They are not motionless. They move and they make noise. But there is an eerie stillness and silence to the flow of their consciousness. The movements and noises they make are more like echoes from something that is far, far away.
Every so often an inner awakening (which feels like a return to source without dying to do so… an implosion) disrupts your external expansion. It derails the perception of progression in your life. It seems as if you have found your purpose and you’re speeding towards it at a thousand miles an hour only to realize that the train you boarded is on a collision course. This kind of disruption either makes you choose an entirely different course, or continue with the one you are on, but this time in a different way. By imploding, you touch the essence of the formless dimensions of existence in a much deeper way. We are not here to live life. Life is here to live us. There is nothing to do but to be lived. This state of conscious surrender is not a disempowered state. It is instead the most empowered state there is. It is to let god come into form in a way that there is a rectification between them… an integration.
Perhaps you are going through a period of life where the expansion of consciousness calls for an implosion. Perhaps you are going through a phase where the security blanket of certainty and knowing, is stripped from you so your ego no longer has anything to keep it warm at night. If so, there is one thing I can tell you. Let the cold of that dark night wake you up so the light of consciousness can shine through your being. Or shall I say, so your being can shine through your doing. It is only in the loss of certainty (not knowing) that you can let yourself be lived.