• Into me, Into You

    The theme of this year we are in is stability and on the flip side, instability.  And the instability/stability that has been highlighted by the beginning of this year is interpersonal connection.  The expansion that is occurring within the consciousness of mankind and thus in our individual lives lately has been relative to relationships.  I have an esoteric technique for entering into people and creating a connection through unconditional focused presence.  I turned this technique into a step-by-step process and unveiled it in yesterday’s Ask Teal episode.  Here is the process:

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    1. Choose a place with no distractions and sit down in front of one another cross-legged and across from each other.  Take off all your jewelry; especially crystals, protective stones and leather.  You want to be as naked a possible with the other, with no barriers between you.  If you are doing this with a partner, it is best to literally do this naked.
    2. Loosely connect your hands or arms with each other in a comfortable and relaxed way.
    3. Close your eyes and begin to imagine or sense or feel you opening up each of your chakras from the base chakra to the crown chakra.  And after a time, imagine or sense or feel yourself breathing in the other person’s energy through your mouth, but also through each one of your chakras, so you are drawing their energy deliberately into your core.
    4. Begin to imagine or sense or feel your separate sense of self, dissolving.  In true connection, the ego (identity) ceases to exist.  For some people, this and the steps to come will be a frightening experience.  Because the ego often thinks that connection means that it will die.  We have to quite literally decide that connection is more important than living and that connection is worth the risk of death.  It takes immense bravery.  We often have to decide that it is better to have connection and lose it than never to have it at all to be able to do this part of the exercise and the rest that is to follow.
    5.  Look at each other directly in the eyes, deep into the pupil of the eye.  It’s ok if you choose to focus on one specific eye or you can relax your gaze to look at both.
    6. We decide who is going first.  Who will be the receiver and who will be the journeyer.  The receiver is going to be the one who opens up for the other to spiritually enter them.  The journeyer is going to spiritually venture into the receiver.  The journeyer enters the receiver through the pupil of the eye as if sinking into a black hole.  If you are really struggling letting each other in, lay or hold each other chest-to-chest so that the area just over each of your hearts is touching.  Meditate for a time on the feeling of the energy between your hearts being exchanged as if they are beating energy into each other’s chests and then resume where you left off.
    7. The receiver focuses on inviting the journeyer in, breathing the journeyer in and imagining or sensing or feeling themselves open up to take them in.  The receiver simply focuses on allowing, surrender and on the feeling of the journeyer’s presence entering them.
    8. The journeyer focuses on using their consciousness to penetrate deeper and deeper into the person, like a being that is exploring a foreign planet.  Curiosity and non-judgment are crucial.  The journeyer projects love and gratitude into the receiver as they move deeper and deeper.  Conveying any messages mentally, emotionally or energetically that they feel would help the receiver to open up further or any message they feel the receiver needs to hear.  These messages can be spoken in the mind or they can be spoken out loud.  For example, if you run into a wall within a person that you feel is there because it doesn’t want to let something in that it may lose, you can say out loud to the receiver “I’m never going to leave you”.   If you (the journeyer) are struggling with your own fear, it is an option to let go of your own self interest for a time and focus entirely on performing the journey in the interest of what the other person needs and meeting those needs.  When this is the case, your ego sees you as the helper, which boosts your self-esteem and so the ego supports the mission instead of resists it.
    9. During this process, all of your walls or blockages (both the receiver’s and the journeyers) will come up.  These walls are belief patterns and emotional patterns that have resulted from life trauma experienced by the receiver and yourself.  Usually more walls come up for the receiver.  These can be visual or mental or even just walls that you feel between you and the experience.  You will both run into them.  This is especially true because most people are multi layered, so as you enter into them you will experience layer after layer after layer.  As you sink into deeper and deeper and deeper layers within them, some light, some dark, some positive feeling, some negative feeling you will find that in front of some of these layers, are energetic and emotional walls. When you encounter a wall within you or within the other person, your aim is to learn from it.  The thing that breaks down walls the very best is awareness.  You’ve got to know why the wall (which is a subconscious thing) is there.  What is it trying to prevent?  Why has it chosen this feel or appearance?  Let your intuition speak to you and hand you insight about each wall that you encounter.  Subconscious walls cannot withstand consciousness.  They usually begin the dissolve once we are conscious of them and their purpose.   You can then reassure the wall that it is ok to no longer exist and express your intentions for journeying deeper.   Then imagine or sense or feel it dissolving in the way it needs to be dissolved.  It’s a good idea if you are the journeyer to ask permission to go beyond the wall.  Beware that some people will experience their walls being broken either by themselves or by the journeyer a trauma, and so these walls should be loved into non existence instead of broken. Some walls do not feel like walls at all, but more like funnels or plastic barriers or electric barriers.  All of this is normal.  If a wall absolutely does not want to come down, we need to honor that fact and allow it to be there instead of force our way in.  But remember that if we cannot get past the wall, we can always ask the receiver to help us take it down and this will dissolve the wall.
    10. As you move through these layers and walls, the best way to get through them deeper and deeper is to melt through them as the journeyer and for you to let the other melt through them if you’re the receiver.  You melt and allow melting by completely being willing to experience whatever sensations of feelings or sights you see. For example, if you experience numbness, you surrender to the experience of numbness and you settle into the numbness without resisting it at all.  If fear comes up, be present with the fear, like you are keeping it company and are open to feeling it completely, letting it consume you even.   You keep breathing as you welcome the experience.  If you feel resistance, you simply breathe while you remain completely unconditionally present with the feelings you are feeling.  In the absence of resistance to the experience, staying with the experience no matter what for as long as it takes, it is as if your soul has nothing to come up against and so it melts through one layer to the next to the next to the next.  A person who is afraid of feeling their own feelings will have a very hard time feeling other people’s feelings.  Do not be alarmed if you experience severe visual distortions and feeling states during this exercise.  It may at ties feel like you are hallucinating.  This is all normal so remember to allow it completely.
    11. You have a choice.  Either you can match the frequency of the particular layer you are in, completely experiencing it in your being.  So for example if you hit a layer of grief, you can let the grief become you.  You can feel what the receiver feels at that layer and practice true empathy or, you can match the frequency of the person’s eternal soul (often called the higher self, which holds a frequency of pure appreciative love for the receiver) and you can descend through each layer lovingly embracing your way through each one.  Trust your intuition to know which one is the most needed by the receiver.  Either way you are matching their frequency (just a different aspect of their frequency) and thus making a genuine empathetic connection.
    12. As the journeyer, we want to see and feel the receiver completely.  We want to know them completely.  As the receiver, we want to be seen, be felt and be understood completely.  As fears come up, let them be there, let them occupy the space between you, as if you are both cradling each other’s fears between you, taking care of the fragile trust between you.
    13. We are present with the exercise until we feel that we have reached a state of completion.  Often this is when we have gone all the way through the person’s layers back to their source essence.  Make sure that you do not stop or retreat until you have reached and explored the positive feeling layers that exist beneath the negative feeling layers.  For example, say you are in a layer of anger or hatred.  Remain fully and completely with that layer within the person and stay with it as you sink down into the layer innocence that is underneath it and spend time there, in that positive feeling layer before you bring the journeying to a close.  Many people carry barriers and beliefs that people cannot truly connect with them or will abandon them because of their darker layers.  And so, withdrawing from these layers will energetically re-traumatize the person.
    14. When we have completed our journey, we switch roles and the journeyer becomes the receiver and the process is repeated.  When we are done, we discuss what we each experienced.  We begin to process what has occurred together.

     

    teal-and-graci.jpg I decided to do this process with Graciela last night.  I went deep into her first.  I will let Graciela share her experience of that with you in Teal Tribe if she chooses to.  Going into her was a very easy process for me.  What I was not prepared for at all was how difficult it would be for the roles to reverse and to be the receiver of someone entering me.  Ironically, this is what I need and want the very most.  I often feel this emotional starvation, like my chest has been smashed in and carved out so desperation is left behind in the form of an endless absence.  This is the result of having no emotional connection/bond when I was a child.  So it is interesting then that I should have a difficult time letting myself have what I really want.

    Upon the commencement of the journey, Graciela couldn’t even get past the surface of me.  We had to convince a large cement wall like structure to dissolve first.  I asked it to show me an image of why it was there.  The image I was shown was the scene in never ending story where the horse Artax gets swallowed by the swamps of sadness.  And a wave of my core imprint vibration of being forsaken consumed me.  Basically, the wall is there to prevent people from entering because I don’t want to be forsaken again.  I try to prevent people from touching my pain because over the course of my life, people who have touched my pain have been too overwhelmed by it.  They have this energy of standing on the bank and trying to reach me with a branch and when they don’t succeed, they give up.  They leave me to sink.  No one has been wiling to sink with me.  They leave me for dead.  Like so many people, all I ever wanted was someone who could honestly say “I want to be wherever you are, even if where we are is together in hell and thus by being together, it wont be hell anymore”.  I told my inner self that I have only one chance of not being forsaken and that is to leave the wall open incase someone is brave enough to really join me in my pain.

    artax.jpg That opened to my heart chakra, which was nearly completely closed, like a funnel.  When Graciela tried to enter, it tried to close off and stop her heart.  That wall was there to try to dissuade her from entering and experiencing pain because of the guilt I feel when other people suffer.  I’ve have a difficult time feeling good about myself when people enter into me and seem to be made miserable by it.  I have this belief that I’m the only one who can handle my pain; anyone else will be melted by it as if they’ve been dropped into acid.  So I try to prevent them from the failure and prevent myself from being failed with this funnel wall.

    I cut the funnel so my inner heart area was exposed.  To me, it looked macerated and bruised, like crabmeat.  And an area of my chest (the right side -male side) seemed to be coated by tubules that were leaking a clear, liquid high density plastic or glass like material, that would congeal and turn hard against the tissue, so as to prevent it from feeling.  I kept breaking it away in chunks and placing it mentally in lava.  It would not stop leaking and hardening.  It was trying to prevent any contact with the wounded tissue beneath.  Eventually, I had to use my own energy to soothe the tissues and tubules underneath.  I sent a golden pink energy of love through them at which point they stopped producing the liquid.  It was as if they stopped bleeding it.  I invited Graciela’s energy to coat the insides of my chest and embrace it.  Then Graciela dropped through into the void within me.  A dark, seemingly endless chasm where there is no light.  The darkness is like a time stopping absence; it is not nothingness because nothingness doesn’t feel so bad as this.  At first I thought this void was part of me and who I am.  Then I realized that I am actually in that void within myself.  Trapped in it, as a small child (6 years old).  I was able to find the little girl.  Graciela dropped in and grabbed my hand and tried to take me out of the void.  We reached the perimeter of the void, which now looked like a cave.  She tried to take me out, but I couldn’t move.  I was paralyzed.  I started crying and mentally asked her “If I couldn’t leave this place, would you leave me here alone or would you stay with me forever?”  Graciela said out loud “I want to be wherever you are, it doesn’t matter where we are.”

    lost-in-the-darkness_0.jpg Her saying that opened the other side of the cave.  Looking back, the cave started to fill with sunlight revealing a secret valley of splendor with glowing yellow light, lush valleys and sparkling rivers.  We were sitting in outer space, looking over this valley, side by side and laughing with each other.

    Then she fell down another slide.  Apparently the transitions within me from layer to layer are like disorienting vortex slides that cause you to fall down to the next level.  She experienced several inside me on this journey.  This one led her to a tunnel that was hard to squeeze through and on the other side, a corpse.  She said to me “I feel like you’re dead on the other side.”  “I’m going in.”  I had to breathe in to let her penetrate deeper.  This layer was an aspect of me that had died as a result of the trauma of my life experience.  Graciela took a tiny piece of her heart and placed it into my heart.  And it brought that aspect of me back to life.  Life force began to run through it again.  I experienced a release.  Tears ran down my face.

    On the other side of that layer, she witnessed my first positive layer, a layer of hope.  A glimmer in my eyes that suggested there was some remaining idea that it could all potentially turn out good.  I felt a wave of fear that I had to breathe through and then I had an intense sensory hallucination.  I felt like someone had turned me upside down and my arms were pulled by gravity, all the blood had rushed to my hands, a feeling of total powerlessness.  Suddenly I was in a memory of my hands being tied and being draped over the top of a hitching post as a child.  I entered into the feeling of that experience and then rescued my child self within that memory out of the scene.  When I returned to the experience, it felt like Graciela’s consciousness was all the way inside me.

    I hit a wall of resistance, the feeling of me trying to harden against the experience.  I felt like I was in a gynecology chair.  But this time, the speculum was going all the way through my core, out through my crown chakra, spreading an entire channel open within me.  It took me some serious focus to surrender to the sensation and allow myself to be cleaved.  As I released resistance, I felt like Graciela’s energy was the same energy as a smile inside me.  It was traveling around filling up the cracks and pouring into the space between my spine and the backside of my heart.

    25232b12bcreation2bpic.jpg She slid again, through to my source essence.  An eternal dark, creation energy that felt good. She had gone all the way through me to my source stream.  She had gone through all the layers of Ego.  I sent my consciousness through her at that point so my consciousness was all the way through hers as well.  It felt a bit like two snakes weaving through us forming an infinity symbol.  The source energy had moved through both of us back to itself.  We spent some time in the rawness of the experience, holding the connection and cradling the fragility of the connection between us like a tiny flame in the wind.

    The experience was one of the most genuinely painful and also profound experiences of my life.  All of my shadows of emotional starvation and unmet needs and interpersonal anguish have been coming up in the wake of this experience.  It is at once agonizing and liberating.  I am in one of the most intense growth phases I’ve been in as far as my own personal development goes.  My confidence is lower as a result of it.  I feel like I’m a caterpillar who has dissolved into primordial ooze in a chrysalis.  It is time for metamorphosis but I’ve got no idea how long it is going to take for me to turn into something new.  It’s the between phase of being ripped apart to be put back together again.  I really wish spiritual evolution were not so painful sometimes.

    This evolutionary pain has led to the need to get help from beings outside this dimension, including deceased masters.  In fact every single night for the last three weeks, I have gone out to find answers from those who know the answers.  And so, I can guarantee a slew of new teachings and insights are to come in the months ahead.  I am merely applying these new concepts to my life right now so as to discover the best way to present them to the world.  To begin however, I will pose 2 questions, hoping that it opens a door within you to greater possibilities…

    1. It’s bad to need other people.  Is that true?
    2. It’s possible to not need others.  Is that true?

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