I am now in an interracial relationship. Besides a relationship I had in high school with a boy who was part Siletz Native American, this is the very first non-Caucasian man I’ve ever been in a relationship with. Sometimes I feel like the universe is putting me through everything a person can experience, just so I can teach about it. Interracial prejudice is no exception.
America is referred to as the melting pot because so many races congregate here and call it home. But racism is still a part of everyone’s lives here. It is impossibly hard not to stereotype based on race. The sad fact about stereotyping is that even though it is obvious that stereotypes don’t apply to a great many people, they do exist for a reason. They wouldn’t exist in the first place if there were not some recognizable pattern associated with whatever type of people the stereotype is about.
It has been surprising to me how much prejudice I’ve been encountering this last week relative to this interracial relationship I am in. Here are some examples of what I’ve encountered:
- My husband was born into a Punjabi Sikh family. Punjabi Sikhs have a reputation for being a hardened, brutal race of warrior people who dedicate their life to honor and communion with the land they own and tend as farmers. The Sikhs held the Mughals back from converting all of India into Islam in the 1600s. Sikhism is a martial religion and so combat is a part of the religion. Long story short, I have attracted an awesome group of Hindu Indian clients here, who are part of the art of living group that meets regularly in Salt Lake City. When some of them found out that I was with a man who was raised a Punjabi Sikh, they unanimously expressed concern about the relationship, explaining that they were confident that he would treat me badly based on the reputation that Punjabis have amongst other Indians for being crass, brutal, rough, and unrefined.
- I had a person tell me completely straightforward that it was a bad idea to be in an interracial relationship because it’s hard enough to make a relationship work without adding difficulty to a relationship by being with someone who comes from a different culture.
- One of my old friends asked me if I realized that if I had kids with him, they’d look nothing like me and told me that she could never deal with that.
- People assume that he is Mexican (not Indian) and immediately assume that he is working for me.
- Someone else commented on a picture I posted by saying “you’re not gonna name your kid some dumb name like Mohammad are you?”
- A friend of mine warned me that “as an Indian man, he might say that he will support your career, but if you get married, he will expect you to quit your job and have children and do as he says, I promise you”.
- I overheard one person calling me a “ Bloody Judas”, having assumed that my husband was from the Middle East. Ever since the September 11th attack, ignorant Americans have seen the Middle East as the enemy. To them, it’s unpatriotic to associate with anyone from the Middle East.
- Another person at a restaurant referred to me as the “Arab trophy wife”. It’s as if some people cannot believe two people could simply fall in love, there has to be another explanation for why we are together.
People judge, that’s what they do. Their minds are designed to restrict the infinite energy of potential by organizing it into separate “things”. You can’t prevent the mind from judging. To even call a person by a name is to judge them and restrict their being to that solid thing. Racism is part of this painful organizational judgment process, and so I am not taking it personally so far. That may change in the future. This whole thing has caused me to think about race in general though.
When you come into this life, it is as if you are playing an arrangement of cards. Your birthplace is a card, your astrology is a card, your genetics are a card etc. Your prerogative is to play those cards in the best way you know how. That collection of cards adds up to a completely unique perspective. Race is one such card that you chose to play before you came into this life as you. What most people do not understand is that each generation is the culmination and then progression upon the last. This means that inherent in your DNA is the perspective, life experiences and memories of every single ancestor that has come before you. Your perspective is the progression of their perspectives. You have inherited all of them, and they are either activated or dormant within you. By living, you are causing the expansion of their perspective, which lives on, and progresses within you.
A great many talents lay dormant within your DNA that belonged to your ancestors. Understanding the struggles they went through, their desires and their innate gifts can help you to understand yourself greatly. A great richness can be felt when you re connect back to those ancestral energies. A sense of wholeness is felt when we connect with them so as to awaken the totality of our DNA. When our dormant connections to our ancestors are awakened, we have the opportunity to take the best of what their perspectives had to offer and walk forward into our future as “more”.
I chose to come into the Caucasian genetics of British Aristocracy on my father’s side and Celtic Mysticism on my mother’s side. For fun sometimes I re visit the memories and beliefs of my ancestors. I find that even without my conscious awareness, they are very much alive within me. Like all people, I chose them (and the combination of them) for a great many reasons, all of which apply to my original purpose for this life. I love to hack into the memories and perspectives of other people’s ancestors as well. I have done this with my husband several times in order to understand him more and also (if I’m being totally honest) in order to derive erotic satisfaction for myself. His ancestry is full of combat, feudal clans; brotherhood, the defense of honor and those deliciously classic divine feminine and divine masculine gender roles that secretly turn us on so much.
Certain cultures identify with certain musical instruments and certain songs because they held so much meaning and significance. The music that held meaning to our ancestors can be used to awaken our own DNA. The other day, I perceived that he was low on energy so I sent him some Dilruba music. The Dilruba is an instrument that held particular significance to his ancestors specifically. True to form, even the movement of the atoms making up his cells began to speed up and vibrate at a higher level when he listened to it. It caused an instantaneous inspirational settling within his being. The same thing happens for me when I listen to Celtic music.
What an interesting flavor combination it is for my Celtic ancestry to converge and harmonize with my husband's Sikh ancestry. If it were played out hundreds of years ago, it would look like a Punjabi warrior, falling in love with with a Celtic witch. Sounds like an epic romance novel to me!