I am sitting on my bed, watching the rain descend across the trees and rooftops of this mountain town. There is a repetitive salutation that the clouds give to the light, whose pigment spills down across the scenery making everything shine. My cat is asleep and purring against me, his white and black fur is as soft as rabbit fur. There is a rare peace that has transcended over my life today. It is a peace so simple that it is flushed by an innocence like that which belongs to a child. I did not know this innocence as a child. And so, it is like I am living my life backwards. My childhood was like an unripe plum, with teeth marks yet upon it. And they are still there, though the years have ripened me… Reminding me always of what was.
I’ve been looking at the scars that garnish my body. Here is my body, re-born but still conveying these old wounds. There is a beauty and a promise to them. The beauty of experience. They announce to those who come to me with the seeds of vulnerability clutched tightly in their hand that I understand. I understand. The promise of reparation. They announce to those who have lost hope that anything is possible. Anything is possible.
We are initiated.
We are apprenticed by pain.
Our beauty… Our purpose… Our expansion
Is forged in the fire of our difficulties.
Like a blacksmith, our suffering relieves us of our rough and tattered edges
Painfully at first
Until we are broken open.
And our soul pours like water through our every thought and word and action.
It extinguishes the fire of our pain.
It weathers our curses to such a degree that they become blessings.
And so, we are free.
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