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Dependent or Independent?

I spent time out of body last night again.  I was inquiring with a convention of beings about relationships and dependency.  I could not believe what I found out.  Essentially, the highlight of the whole talk was that codependency is a myth.  That dependency is a basic fact of our existence.  People are only as needy as their un-met needs.  Let’s call our needs, our deepest most essential desires.  Anyway, they were saying that we have been brain washed in the modern world to believe that happiness should only come from within and that it should never be dependent on anything.  That it is solely our responsibility and that it should not be disturbed by anything anyone on the outside of us does.  Essentially, we have glorified the idea of individualism and independence.  To be dependent on anything outside you, is shameful, weak and means that something is wrong with you.  These beings last night were saying in more politically correct terms that this is complete crap.  They are ideas that are born from pain.  Not ideas that are the byproduct of alignment.  They were ideas born by those of us, who could not get our needs met by our parents and then could not get our needs met by other people and so, we were forced to embrace and glorify the idea of isolation and self-sufficiency.  This is why these teachings, beyond the empowerment of knowing we have a hand in our fate and happiness, feel somehow “off” and “painfully lonely”.  We are fundamentally dependent in a universe where the basic truth is the interdependent nature of oneness.  In fact, the only time the idea of self sufficiency and personal responsibility serves a person is when it allows them to feel empowered and as if they can add to their own happiness without being “a selfish and therefore bad person”.  They were explaining that only control we ever have over our own happiness is our ability to orient our focus to something that feels better or do something that helps us to feel better.  Every other form of happiness we experience is dependent in nature.  And there is no arbitrary point during a person's life after which point a person is no longer a dependent child, unable to meet their own needs, and thus now is capable of being entirely independent.

sunset-2258906_640.jpgUniversally, the human decision that has caused the most long-term damage and contrast in the human race is the idea of infant self-soothing.  It has been highly popularized in the 1920s all the way to today.  In fact, from universal perspective, it caused far more damage than Hitler, Pol Pot and Stalin combined.  There was a belief that people needed to learn to self-sooth early in order to become independent, high functioning adults.  It was believed that meeting a child’s every need, led to dependent, anxious, insecure, emotionally unhealthy and mal adjusted adults.  So, professionals advised that parents leave their children to cry and learn to sooth themselves to sleep or comfort themselves when upset or hurt and to set a strict schedule for their eating (on the parents terms).  What happened?  We created a nightmare.  It turned out to be the opposite.  We bred a world full of mal-adapted people with personality and attachment disorders.  We created a world full of people whose basic sense of human trust and connection was obliterated.  And our relationships with everyone else in the world reflect our relationship with the first people we come into contact with upon entering this world… our parents.

crying babyAttachment theory (which isn’t a theory, it’s reality) is a psychological theory, which puts forward the idea that attachment needs do not disappear in childhood.  That adults need the same connection and attachment with loved ones as children do, and that our biology is set up because of evolution to drive us to attach to other people.  And that attachment is beneficial to the human organism, not detrimental, as so many self-help experts would have you believe.  There is a biological reason that you feel like you’re going to die if you’re separated from those you are attached to… because your ancestors did die if they were separated from the people the were attached to.  This means, even if you weren’t traumatized in this life, security is linked to becoming attached to loved ones.  It is a basic human need.  Maybe, this incredible draw to attach ourselves to others, is a reflection of the inherent truth of oneness in this universe, which sneaks it’s way through the illusion of separateness which is the hallmark of this dimension.

connectionAttachment theory puts forward that there are three styles of attachment in the human race, Secure, Anxious and Avoidant.  It’s quite fascinating to study actually.  I adhere to the anxious style of attachment.  I suggest looking into it.  So far, I think the best book on the subject is called “Attached” by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.  Anyway, after having gone out of body to discuss these thing that I discussed last night, I’ve decided that there will be a great many teachings I will unveil to the world that fly in the fact of our world’s worship of independent, self sufficiency.  I need to think on them more and make them solid within myself.  But I can promise you; there are some interesting things to come, which will be originating from my general direction in the future.  Again, I could not be more excited if I tried.

It is 12:33 and I have not yet eaten breakfast.  This is a common occurrence (despite my own advice to others) when I get in the flow of my creative projects.  Leaving to London in six days, means that I have to complete three Ask Teal videos between now and then.  I have my work cut out for me.

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