There is no source of darkness in this universe. There is only the presence of light and the absence of it. Darkness does not exist; it only appears to exist. In truth, it is only the absence of light. No matter how hard you try, you cannot get rid of darkness. You cannot remove it from anything. In order to effect darkness, you must do something with light, because the light is the only thing that actually exists. Fear and misery (that which is called negative) have been compared to darkness because it too, does not exist. It is merely the absence of awareness, joy and love. That is why it feels so vacuous. We feel a hole inside our being. We feel empty, because when we are in fear or misery, we are empty. We are empty of the presence of awareness, joy and love. You cannot do anything about fear or misery. This is why our mental health system is so unsuccessful. We do not understand that it isn’t a thing that exists; it is the absence of a thing that exists. If you fight with darkness, you fight with absence. If you fight with darkness you fight with nothing and so, you will not win. You cannot fight darkness because it isn’t there. All you can do about fear and misery and darkness, is to move in the direction of awareness, joy, love and light. It does not work to do this with an attitude of escape or avoidance (that is to try to fight with absence). We simply place our focus on becoming aware. We simply place our focus on something that causes us to feel good. We love something a little more. And by doing so, we bring light to the darkness we are drowning in.
For the last week, I have been wielding the light of awareness. I’ve been diving into the shadows with it. I’ve been illuminating the truth of my life. Today, I decided to switch my tool and use the light of joy to increase my vibration. Gratitude is one such tool of joy. In truth, it is one of the fastest ways to increase your vibration. It is also one of the fastest ways to shift your focus to what is really there, instead of what is not there. I could feel the life start flowing back into my being. I could feel it fill in the pores and crevasses of my fear. I discovered that a part of me had been lying to myself. I had been saying that I wanted to feel better. But only one part of me wanted to feel better. I asked myself today “What bad thing will happen if I get happy?” I asked myself this question to try to discover my positive intention behind staying miserable. The answer I found is that if I get happy and stay alive (do not commit suicide) then my parents will never know the depth of my pain. They, along with the world will remain forever oblivious to the depth of my pain and what was done to me. Fallon will also never grasp the gravity of how much he has hurt me. There seems to be no justice in life if they remain oblivious. It is a precious, backwards kind of thing that we do, when we try to create justice by virtue of furthering our own misery. It is difficult to discover that this is what you have been doing and not jump immediately to self-condemnation. It is difficult (but necessary) to find approval for having coped with pain in unhealthy ways that add to the pain instead of take away from it.
Needless to say, I found that my positive intention for not truly wanting to let go of the pain was not worth the torture of anchoring myself to the pain. So, I sat down and I wrote out reasons why it was good for my parents and for Fallon to never know the depth of my pain. I looked for ways to genuinely feel approval for the probable scenario of them all remaining oblivious. It improved my vibration just enough to get me into a mental space where I could focus on gratitude. I wrote five pages of things I feel gratitude for. And that was enough to inspire me to re arrange my entire house. And so I did. Not one piece of furniture is in the same place. I even moved myself into another bedroom. Never before have I seen such a dramatic example of enabling oneself to flow up the vibrational scale as I saw with myself today. It has more than inspired me to go back out into society and teach the things I teach to the world.