• Berlin, Germany

    AlexanderKhokhlov2.pngShadow work is the process of making the unconscious conscious.  The integration of unconsciousness leads to complete and total awareness.  And a little known fact is that we don’t only suppress and deny and banish unacceptable bad things into our subconscious; we also suppress unacceptable good things.  For example, idolization is the projection of the suppressed positive attributes within one person, onto another person, so that they may admire the reflection instead of the source.  Nearly every time we interact with the depths of our own shadow, we surface with gold that was buried there.  Like a ghost, your shadow will follow you to the ends of the earth begging for the light of consciousness to turn towards it.  No amount of positive focus will make it disappear.  And the shadow that is exposed to the light of consciousness ceases to be shadow.

    London continues to reveal itself to be the external reflection of my own shadow.  Every time I dive into its darkness, I surface with gold that was buried within myself.  This trip to London has been a never-ending montage of shadow synchronicities.  Shadow synchronicities are synchronicities that trigger you.  Instead of showing up as good luck and thus filling you up with a feeling of joy, they show up as bad luck and tend to make you feel like everything in the universe is conspiring against you.  For example, a typical synchronicity would be someone who just subscribed to my YouTube channel ‘randomly’ sitting on a plane next to someone who is reading Shadows Before Dawn by Teal Swan.  A shadow synchronicity is struggling with infertility and ‘randomly’ sitting on a plane next to a woman who is 8 months pregnant.  A shadow synchronicity seems like a divinely orchestrated trigger.

    The shadow synchronicities started the minute I landed and did not stop for the entire stay.  By Saturday night I was so exhausted by the pain of them, I was craving bed.  Some of you may know (and some of you may not know) because of some of my pre-development trauma that I sleep with satin blankies that I have had since I was a baby.  I call them Dannies.  In fact a better way of putting it is that I can’t sleep without them.  My attachment to them is strong enough that the only time I ever forgot them, I was 18 years old and upon realizing I had forgotten them, I booked a plane flight home for $3,000 dollars and flew home as fast as I could.

    do-not-disturb.jpg Earlier in the day on Saturday, I had felt a bad feeling about having the maids clean the hotel room.  So before showing up to host the first workshop at the Mind Body Spirit Festival in London, I responded to it by putting the do not disturb sign on the door.  But by a cruel twist of fate, one of my community members had returned to the room in the middle of the day and took the sign off the door.  Sure enough, when we returned to the room later that night, my Dannies were nowhere to be found.  The maids had rolled them up in the sheets and sent them to the launderer.  I had a panic attack.  It threw me into a deep trigger where the memory I had triggered was overlapping with the present moment.  It was bad enough that I ended up sitting in the bathtub with no water in it and Blake were powerless to take me out of it.

    One of the dehumanizing things my childhood abuser used to do with me was to make me sleep naked in the bathtub instead of in a bed.  He told me that the reason I had to be there was in case the demons came to take me back.  If they did, he could fill the bathtub with water, which would supposedly cloak me from their vision.  Really, I think it was just because it made the cleanup easier if the way he decided to torture me on any given night caused me to urinate or bleed.

    funny-teal-copy.jpgI did two hours of shadow work and uncovered the exact imprint that London was mirroring on this trip.  As a result of the exhaustion of that integration work, I eventually fell asleep.  And upon waking, I decided that with my one day off in London, I had to dive directly into healing work.  As a result, I paid a visit to my friend Stewart Pearce’s house.  Some of you know Stewart Pearce from the YouTube Podcast video I did with him on sound healing.  He is the master of voice.  Having such close ties to the angelic realms, I figured he was the perfect person to consult.  So I went to Stewart’s shrine of an apartment.  We drank Lotus Tea.  The meeting was super esoteric and as always with Stewart our meeting was both multidimensional and open to a tribunal of non physical guides and angels.  That meeting was immediately followed up by a visit to Sky and Todd Acamesis.  There, I got to have a taste of a device called the PandoraStar.  It is a device that uses light to induce certain brain wave activity including trance states in the brain.  Feeling raw with triggers, I asked Sky, who is a brilliant shadow worker, to lead me into shadow work while I was under the machine on the hypnagogia program.  Simultaneously, Todd surrounded me with Gongs and did sound healing assistance during the inner journey.

    Pandora-Star-002.pngI am not the kind of public figure who openly promotes products.  It is super rare that I ever do.  I only do it when something blows me away.  And the PandoraStar did blow me away.  We entered into the shadow through the window of the feeling of being unsafe.  There, we found all kinds of juicy details about the nature of safety and unsafety.  I was able to talk to the city of London, as if the city itself was an entity with a consciousness of its own.  What one usually experiences doing shadow work is the defenses of the ego.  For example, when you are trying to get deep into the subconscious, you run into defense mechanisms like arguing or sidetracking.  You are experiencing such mechanisms when you try to think a positive thought about yourself like “I’m pretty”.  And you instantly become aware of a counter thought like “bullshit you’re ugly”.  That counter thought is resistance in the mind.  The most exciting thing for me to experience with the PandoraStar device was the fact that I experienced zero resistance in my mind while I was under its influence.  It’s a similar feel to being walked through a visualization on ketamine.  The mind just yields to and believes the journey.  The shadow work felt as easy as butter being cut by a scalding hot knife.  Coming back from the deep dive within myself, I felt exhausted.  The kind of exhaustion that feels divinely satisfying.  It was a full day of healing from the minute I woke up to the minute my head hit the pillow at night.  It felt like all elements of the universe were aligned to catalyze an upgrade within my being to prepare me to step into the appropriate energy to fly to Berlin.

    2092125.jpgI have been in Germany for 4 days now.  But I have spent most of it in the countryside.  Being in the countryside, has presented a real challenge when it comes to eating.  I’m losing weight by the hour here. Europe is way behind the wave with vegetarianism and veganism.  In places like France and Germany, people literally do not understand the concept of vegetables.  As a culture, they are emotionally attached to meat.  It is impossible at some restaurants to find anything on the menu that doesn’t have animal product in it.

    Being an extrasensory, I will tell you that if you want to have a good relationship, cut dairy out of your diet.  For dairy products to be made for people, babies have to be separated (usually permanently) from their mothers when they are born.  Obviously if a calf was the one drinking the cow’s milk, there wouldn’t be milk there in the udder to make the cheese or milk you buy at the grocery store.  Those of you who are parents (especially moms) can imagine what it would feel like if while you were nursing one day, men just came in and took your baby away and you’d never know if you would see your baby again.  It throws the cow into a state of terror and grief and loss and depression.  And that vibration diffuses through the tissues of her body and re-structurizes the milk in her udder.  The milk is imbued with that vibration.  That is what people then eat.

    And the attitude towards vegetarians and vegans in this part of the world is not good.  They treat you like an aggravating space alien when you ask for something with no animal products.  It doesn’t help that in Europe, customer service is terrible too.  The attitude in the US is “do anything to make the customer happy”. The attitude in Europe is “You’re lucky to be eating here at all.”  I have even been told by a restaurant host “go back to where you came from” in response to me asking if the restaurant could manage non-meat alternatives.  And since I’ve been here, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been completely guaranteed by a server that a dish has no dairy in it because it’s totally vegan only to find that it’s drowning in cream.  Every time I ingest dairy, I start to feel my body deal with the emotional poison in it.  I have dreams about losing my own son at night.  When your own body and brain take on the vibration of the loss and terror in the dairy, it affects your dreams.  You start to take it on as if it is your own.  And the law of attraction begins to respond to that vibration.  You experience separation trauma in your waking life and in your dreams.  This has been happening since I’ve been here in Europe, and found myself in a few situations in a few rural towns where I am unable to avoid dairy completely.

    so-good-berlin-copy.jpgFor the last three days, I have been training my new Completion Process recruits in a retreat center on the outskirts of Bad Saarow, Germany.  It has been the tightest knit group I’ve trained yet.  It felt more like a healing retreat than a training for every one of us involved.  It has felt as if we all came together to hold each other’s hands as we got tossed and turned in an emotional rock tumbler, becoming polished and mined down to our purest selves.  People have formed connections with each other that will last a lifetime.  And I have sent them off into the world, completely confident that each one will create a transformative ripple effect in their respective areas of the globe.  Just like a healing retreat, it has been hard to re adjust to life inside the container of the retreat and life outside the container of the retreat.  It has felt like a departure from reality.  And now I can’t tell whether the last three days feels like a dream, or this world I have stepped back into does.

    I am now in Berlin.  I need to give you some context for being here first before I tell you aboutBerlin.  Some places that I visit are “fated”.  There is a karmic pull to them.  Berlin is one of these places.  For the last 3 years, I have known that I would come to Germany and do lots of emotional healing work in Germany over the course of my career.  It was strong enough that when I felt an immanent necessity in the quantum field, I decided to look at an actual physical map of Germany to see which location was pulling to me.  Instantaneously, like a magnet, the place that pulled to be chosen was Berlin.  This location was chosen specifically by me and not by online analytics.  We had no idea what to expect out of being here.  So my presence here is even more fated than the fate involved in usual divine orchestration.  There is a palpable weight to my being here.  And as a side note, many of my closest friends and colleagues who are highly powerful spiritual people have decided to join me on this trip like a kind of extended entourage.

    berlin-germ.jpgBerlin is unlike any European city I’ve ever been to.  The dominant negative vibration of the city stands out immediately.  It is what I’m going to call “Unsuccessful Grafting”.  Most of you are familiar with the idea of a skin graft.  Essentially if a flesh wound is too significant to heal in a timely manner on its own, a surgeon will transplant skin from another area of their body or from a donor to the wound site.  The hope is then that like any transplant, the body will accept the new skin and attach to it and fully heal.  But when this process does not work, the graft cannot attach to the wounded area and instead sits on top of it like an overlay.  The graft is rejected.  If you are attuned, initially upon landing in Berlin, you feel confusion because of the dominant dual energies that rule here.  You can feel the bustling and rather new culture of the city.  Underneath that, you can feel the deep historical wounding here.  Essentially the vibration that is caused by the modern populous that lives here sits like a skin graft over the surface of the deep grief and trauma that has imprinted the city on all levels, including physically.  The modern society is not a graft that was successful.  It did not create healing in the city.  It did not ‘take’.  Instead, it is a veneer.  Berlin is the byproduct of the “get on with it” mentality, whereby after tragedy you just begin to rebuild and begin anew regardless of the fact that the old wounds have not been integrated, processed and healed.

    22677.jpg Having just come from training my new recruits for the Completion Process it is all beginning to make sense now.  I have brought a process to this area of the globe that is designed to heal deep past trauma so that one actually can begin anew.  In other words, it is an ingredient needed for the graft to be successful.  And it is the individuals that live here who are going to make it work.  The city itself is nothing but a mirror of the people and the people are a mirror of the city itself.  The common theme for people who live here is the same as the city itself.  They come here with deep emotional wounds, wounds that have inspired within them an entire new way of living, way of being and even personality in many cases.  But they have made those changes without healing the deeper wounds resident in their being.  And so the things that are going right in their life seem to be engaged in a constant war to take root.  Instead, they rest like a skin graft over the top of them.  The positive change sits like a veneer over the inner wounding.  It is almost beautiful to see a group of people who so perfectly mirror their city.  I have the perfect image for you to describe it.  I am sitting at a vegan restaurant.  The building the restaurant is in is weathered by the impact of the bombs that were dropped here.  It looks like it was once a part of ruins.  Paint is chipping off of the walls.  Some of the ceiling looks charred.  You can feel the doom like a curse that history imbued the space with in the materials that make up the angles of the room.  And yet, as if decorating a jail cell, the restaurant owner has painted one wall a brilliant yellow.  Uplifting messages are written on a chalk board to my right.  The room is sprinkled with zen trinkets to make the place feel calming and inviting.  And the food that is cooked here is conscious food.  The kind that reflects a utopia.

    A man enters the restaurant.  He sits down in the most isolated corner he can find.  I can see and feel that his heart has broken.  He is terrified of people, but acts angry at them instead.  He doesn’t understand why people react the way they do.  You can feel the depth of the wound in his emotional body.  You can feel the age of the wound.  It has been there for years and it is not healing.  And yet, here he is, in a vegan restaurant.  He is trying to embrace his individuality and move on with his life despite the pain that is there.  He is wearing a shirt that says, “Open your heart”.  And on his arm is a tattoo that reads: Leben.  From what I understand, this means to live.  The restaurant and the man are the same.  Both trying to recover by trying to create new over the top of what has been damaged.

    8665178791_2e1e1c6f29.jpgBerlin is a magnification of Germany as a whole.  Germany has been reluctant to face what went on here with WW2.  They have preferred to just get on with life.  The energy around the damage done is that it has become the unspeakable.  It has become a source of shame that is socially avoided.  And yet it is so heavy here and so obvious.  The wounding is the elephant in the room.  Trauma is ineffably damaging because of the ripple effect that it has.  We are trying to avoid directly facing a wounding that is still impacting us today.  I’ve seen way too much trauma in my life.  When I was younger, I trained to get my EMT license and as a result, I had to attend some high speed car crashes.  The feeling walking up to those crashes was so ground shattering because you would see the injured or dead people and you could feel the impact that event that cannot be undone will have on their progression.  You can see images of them spending months or years in recovery.  You can see their life never being the same.  You can see the looks on the faces of the people who love them and the way their lives will change because of it.  It feels like a ripple effect of destruction that cannot be stopped.  This is the real devastation of war.  It causes trauma that creates a ripple effect through the next generation and the next generation and the next generation that can go on for eternity if it is not directly stopped.

    In the car ride here, three of us from three separate countries all shared our stories about our grandparent’s harrowing experiences with world war 2 and the effect that trauma had on the course of our parent’s lives and the effect that had on the course of our lives.  There we were, two generations later, having grown up thousands upon thousands of miles apart on this planet still living out the impact of the very same war.  They tell me since I have arrived here that the universe has predictably orchestrated my visit so that the day of my workshop here is in fact Tag der Befreiung (day of liberation).  The day the Germans capitulated in WW2.  It is adding a rather epic vibe to the impending event.

    moving-forward.jpgThe dominant positive vibration of Berlin is Headway. This is another synchronicity because some time ago I named my own non-profit organization Headway.  Headway is a special kind of progress.  It is progress that is brave.  And it is progress that cuts through resistance.  And the people here (regardless of whether they were raised here or moved here) have found this strength within themselves.  They are walking, breathing embodiments of this energy.  As you can see, this dominant positive vibration is directly related to the dominant negative vibration here.  Even though the progress is pulling against a deep anchor, headway is a very strong and admirable vibration all the same.  There is momentum in it.  As such, there is momentum in this city.  It is a city of entrepreneurship and new ideas and counter culture and newness.  Culturally it has a very similar feel to Austin Texas.  It would be a relief to anyone who felt bogged down by old, outdated custom and limiting beliefs or apathy.  There is nothing moderate or conservative about the energy of Berlin.  I’ve never seen so much graffiti in my life, or quite so many people with blue and purple hair.

    Frederic, one of my closest friends, has joined me from Vienna at this little apartment we rented for the duration of the trip.  And we are all going to spend the night reconnecting and venturing out into the city.  Even though the imprint of the trauma in this city is weighing on me, it is mixed with the energy of destiny.  And so, there is a current of uplift in it.  I am supposed to be here at this time.  Of that I am sure.  And so as I watch the sun setting over the rooftops of Berlin, I am feeling fulfilled that I am here.

     

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    Hello there Teal, I have been thinking about energies and cities for a while know and especially living in Berlin for 2 1/2 it got me more complex. I feel these two energies you are describing here. The not healing wound of the past wars and the rebelling pulsating headway. I remember being excited about this city that on the surface is to different than any other city I know in Germany and than my about 3 months of recovery of my 1 1/2 years journey in North America. Now I understand why that happened in the beginning of my time in Berlin. I feel that mirror of the pain that happened here and how much I have been working on my personal experiences with pain here. This seems like a catalyst for me just bringing up everything I have been working on for last years and showing me what is not healed yet. This part  is why I am great full of still being here. But I also want to heal and root in my healing . I am getting back into living a half nomadic life, probably moving to the countryside, but still party working in Berlin. What you mentioned about Germany in general is what I have felt a lot, being born  and growing up in Munich and Brno. There is so much just pushed away an not healed here and  I also see that in my family. That makes me feel scared of having to leave Germany again to get the healing that I need. Not sure what to  think about  that yet?

    I am half Czech also and that's where your feeling about Prague gets into my attention too. Gotta have to get more into what I feel about this city and this country. There is a lot of my heart there, that I already know. Thank you Teal for what you were writing here, I can name a little more of what I feel living in Berlin now. I missed you coming to this city I would have wanted to listen to what  you have said about  Hitler. Maybe  I get the chance another time another place, like for example Prague! Namaste, Sandra

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