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A War Called Belonging

Some of us are lucky.

We see ourselves in the faces that look back at us.

We are not strangers.

Some of us are lucky.

The stars of us belong in constellation.

We are not strangers.

Some of us are lucky.

We feel the warmth of our connection.

Its comfort is not worn thin by wariness.

We are not strangers.

Some of us are not so lucky.

Our cry is a wolf’s cry in a chorus of bleating.

We are strangers.

Some of us are not so lucky.

We recognize ourselves in people we have never met

and places we have never been to.

We are strangers.

Some of us are not so lucky.

The pith of connection fails us

again and again.

As inconsistent and as short lived as a dream.

We are strangers.

We are strangers in this world. 


458_connection.jpgSome of us are lucky.  We feel a sense of belonging.  We are born into families and societies that we feel like we are a part of.  Others of us feel like strangers in our own families and societies.  We do not feel like we are a part of anything.  We feel fundamentally disconnected. 

Belonging is one of the highest frequency vibrations in this universe.  In fact, we could consider oneness, love and belonging to all be different “tones” of the same color.  But it is not simply that.  It is also a basic human need.  So many people in the spiritual field believe it is not only possible but also good to transcend human needs.  They use their spiritual practice to work against their own biology instead of with it.  But it is not possible to un-need something that you need.  It is only possible to meet that need in a different way.  Humans are social creatures.  Human beings that are isolated die in a similar way that a plant dies if it is not given water.  But the sad thing is, without a sense of connection and belonging, a person will die even if they are surrounded by other people. 

To belong is to be a part of something.  But true belonging is to be so much a part of something that you can’t not be a part of it, even if you wanted to.  For example, to belong to a club you simply have to be a member of that club.  But that is not true belonging because you can decide not to be a member of the club and then, you don’t belong to the club anymore.  With true belonging, it doesn’t matter if you leave or if you don’t want to be a part of it anymore, you are.  The best explanation I can give you is to see that you are a human.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to be a human, you are.  You belong to the human race and the only way out of that belonging is death.

In true belonging, you are held and contained by something.  It is the most positive expression of ownership in existence.  In this kind of ownership, all parts are indivisible from the whole so you cannot do harm to a part without harming the whole. For example, if someone belongs to you and with you, you take them as part of yourself and so you cannot hurt them without hurting yourself.  This is the complete opposite of the form of ownership where something doesn’t belong to you, you simply possess it and so you can harm it without perceiving any harm to yourself because you don’t see it as part of yourself. 

To love something is to take something as part of yourself.  It is therefore obvious that belonging and love go hand in hand.  If you take something as part of yourself, it belongs to you.  One of the problems on the planet is that we get into relationships that are absent of belonging.  Our relationships are entirely conditional.  We don’t ever take the other person in as part of ourselves and so we cannot consider their best interests as a part of our own best interests.  We exclude them from us.

I have decided to do an Ask Teal episode on belonging.  I find it both amusing and incredibly sad that people join spiritual communities that teach members to transcend their highly attached need for belonging, specifically because they get belonging in those very communities.  It is painful for me to watch people look so desperately for belonging because they are starved for it. 

sexy light teal.jpgWhen Teal Tribe was created, it was my thinking that perhaps people who don’t fit anywhere, might just fit in with one another. What it created for people was a sense of belonging.  The sense of belonging with each other that they were missing in their lives.

Conflict is inevitable in this life where we have separate embodiments and perspectives.  Spiritual teachers like myself are no exception.  Besides not fitting in anywhere, Teal Tribers had something else in common… me.  So what happens when someone in Teal Tribe decides they are in conflict with me or other members of the forum?  Suddenly their sense of belonging is at risk.  If they would post something abusive or slanderous in the public forum, the moderators would warn them and then if they did not resolve the issue, ban them from the forum.  The consequence was that they felt separated and isolated again. 

If someone is in this position, they imagine that they have only one choice.  Resolve the conflict.  Or find belonging again… but this time with the other people who are in conflict with me and/or the rest of the tribe.  One of the worst parts about having fans is knowing that the consequence of having unresolved conflict with anyone in my life is that tomorrow; I could see them in the forums belonging to the Anti -Teal groups.    

The reality I have come to see is that one of the main reasons the Anti-Teal groups are so incredibly successful is because they offer belonging to those that have fallen out of belonging with Teal Tribe.  I am a match to people who desperately need and want belonging.  This doesn’t change when they feel they no longer belong with me or the Tribe.  They still need and want it just as much.  But now, their sense of belonging is dependent upon being against me instead of with me.  So the way they get a sense of belonging and connection is through the similarity of their hatred of me/the Tribe.  The stronger their hatred becomes collectively, the greater their sense of belonging.  Now, the war that has been waged is a war called belonging. 

Today, I am looking out the window realizing that they are not aware of the dangers of this state of starvation.  They are not aware of what exactly they are getting out of ‘being a part of’ these Anti-Teal groups.  They are not aware that belonging and validation is the reason they feel so much relief when they find other people who agree with them in the perception that I am horrible.  I cannot argue with the need beneath the way they have banded together against me. 

Today, I don’t have an amazing speech to share with you about belonging.  I have no action I wish to take or that I wish for you to take.  Today I want nothing more than to make you aware of the need you all share… The need for belonging.    


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I appreciate your need to always be honest with us and see things in a bigger perspective but, of course, it still hurts. When others say Ignoring them or "stop being insecure",  They don't have your haters so how would they understand?  I hope that your following gets so big that their voices are drowned out and they began to question what they are doing.  I have felt more whole listening to you than I have my entire life! Thank You !!Thank You!!!

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Thank you Teal. Thank you for always being authentic, thank you for being true and thank you for helping me realize aspects of myself. I hope that one day we can meet. I hope one day I can tell you in person "thank you". For everything. 

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I cannot wait for the Ask Teal about this because I know when it's up it'll be exactly what I need to hear. I'm finding that the sense of belonging is like a wave: sometimes it's so present and rushing in all around you and then other times it feels like a drought that will never end. We're all going through the same crap it seems; whether we want to face it or not. But that's why I gravitate to your work: because you're honest about everything even if it hurts or if someone else might disagree. ?

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keen insight about haters, Teal, sad as it is. 

To me, the guidepost needed in this world is 'is this kind and respectful?", If it's not, don't do it. Period. It then forces one to deal with what is driving their fight/flight brain to be unkind. 

I feel belonging with you and with Teal Tribe. :)

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Dear Teal!

I feel resistent to the idea of belonging to a tribe. I have always felt resistent to the way people behave when they have joined as a group/feel themselves surrounded by their group. I don't  know exactly how to describe it but it is as if the individuals start behaving according to certain "group rules" and totaly focust on how to stay in. People stop thinking independedly. I see a lot of 'pleasing' behaviour. Especially towards the leader of the group. I realise  that this has something to do with the group consciousness but I wonder: does the fact that people feel belonfing to a group,, give more space (safety) to shadows? Maybe also because of 'peer pressure'.

I would never ever call myself 'part of...'. And at the same time I never feel I fit in especially the spiritual groups. 

That is why I love you, I completely identify with you. But  the idea of being part of the Teal tribe, between all these people craving for your attention.. the picture does not look appealing to me.

probably a shadow part of me, fearing I will lose something... or realising how I will be facing shadows when I I join a group? Love to hear your comment on this!!

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I love you teal. 

I often think about when you said the voice of those who love is not as loud as the voice of those who hate. 

I love how open you are and how you admit that you don't have a wisdom to share. 

I wish you will know that we love you and may be our voice is quieter - it's still going. 

I love the bit about broadcasting yourself so that you can find those u can belong to. 

I love you and I miss you and I love you and I miss you and I love you and I miss you and I love you... 




as u said the fire ? has been lit. 

May all being be blessed. 

Thank you

thank you 

thank you 

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Hello Teal,

this was a great read for me. To get an insight in your mind, I thank you. I can only reciprocate by being a mirror without judgment.

Here's my two cents. The hate - love dynamic, I researched it in depth. It leads to complete understanding and therefore unconditional love for the Self. And that leads to full acceptance of other. This is enlightenment.

But everyone has these Belief Systems (the BS).... This is what the dimension of contrast is all about. The test of consciousness. Many modern spiritual teachers believe that the whole world will magically shift into their perspective of the 5th dimension with enough focus from them and their followers. But it doesn't work that way. Enlightenment is the choice of the individual. It is a mindset. And the spiritual BS is being exposed now because more and more souls have freed their mind. We are heading into a future of non-conformity and absolute equality. The healing process will be difficult, on so many levels.

Everyone in the tribe has seen Harry Potter I guess. The symbolism of the Deathly Hallows did not go unnoticed for me. A magical wand, the cloak of invisibility and the resurrection stone. I was killed in a previous life because I communicated my views unfiltered. And so have many others. Burned at the stake or whatever, the collective has great resistance against new, old energy dies hard. I do my healing much more low key now. The greater the light of ego, the greater the shadow.



Edited by Marcel
added more nuance
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Belonging, yes, I've had issues with it as well. I'm so scared to put myself where other people can see because I'm terrified of being seen without being understood. It scares me a hell of a lot. I also have lots of shame rooted into me, which doesn't help at all. I suppose its...gratifying or "good" in its own way to know that...others could feel the same? But then I suppose there's a difference between not belonging amongst people and not trying to connect with them in the first place. Don't know where I'm going. Thank you for the insight, Teal. I feel you.

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Thank you for this clear real and vulnerable piece. Belonging has become a huge issue for me as an older woman. 

Brave is a quality that you have stepped into and have mastered. As I am the " secret weapon" behind the healer, often helping them overcome this or deal with it so they keep going. You are doing that. 

It is inevitable that anyone Brave enough in anyway to become a public figure as you named it

is also one that will continually feel they will be " burned at the stake" or " head chopped off" as it's beyond " haters" it a feeling of death will happen. 

So it's just sad it's stilll in the collective and it's a real feeling.  You are so strong, stand in that power, even your voice tone vibrates it.....yes it's about tribal belonging but even more so tribal death. I get it and glad you can write to everyone about it. It has been amazing to me how many wonderful healers stay quiet or I have pushed them through the fear of this in their genuine desire to help and free others like yourself . It feels like you have the love and support personally that you can trust that make sure you can handle it Brave Soul. ❤️

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Eloquently written <3 I'm a blogger myself, and this just makes your heart melt.  I've been on both sides of loving and hating Teal...my objective opinion is Teal's incredible to have conjured up such attention, epic attention would they call it? Even if it is negative, and it doesn't feel good.   Teal is magical and mere mortals aren't really as powerful as she can be when it comes to Universal Creations.  I've been a fan since the beginning ;) And I've learned to evolve WITH her even though it's been a struggle.  We now have a mutual understanding, but if people have negative experiences with her, then it's kind of a call to better yourself so you can "play the game" if you know what I mean. :) I truly am not sure if people need connections  as much as she claims they need them.  All I've ever experienced in my life is people taking advantage of me, so if I've turned off my need for human connection by 90% then maybe there is something wrong with me.  I think it's society and a broken World. *shrug* but I've been much better without people than with poeople...and that even includes the Love of my Life and my Twin flame with a fucked up Mormon family...I know..Ouch.  Maybe I am too, cause currently the struggle doesn't feel worth it at time.  Look for the "Moments." and Hope for a Brighter Future *stars* Love

Kat (niss)

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Thank you for choosing to share your life experiences and struggles. One day I will meet you and thank you in person. Like you said in one of your videos, time for gurus are gone and it`s time to be authentic selves. Thank you for sharing most, if not all sides of you. You are my inspiration and your videos are helping me to be more true self. 

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Yes you are magically authentic - and so beautifully human in that state, oh yes ... so beautiful.

When you are sitting on your own ears ... like all of us

When you are trapped by your own cage ... like all of us 

When you are testing the victim control dynamic (being-the-victim-of-haters-dynamic)

just "accept what is" ... grhhh that is so mean I know ..., so, truly me trying, how silly really - authentically to reflect your own teachings onto you ... while you already know.

Those haters surely, yes ... they do think you stole their dream.

But they might/could know that they still have the dream, unfortunately perhaps for them,  the dream that you helped them to find ...

a bit of a quagmire ...

Still, once you give your Ego (your little Ego-rinda)  a nice holiday ... and just allow yourself to be ... to be Human as it happens to be ..., the most magic you will find ... , the haters will find their dream again somehow - and you can rest assure, that you did your best.

Those haters-beings are doing their best to regain their dream, reclaim their dream. Do let them have it ... their dream ... it is ok.

Empathy, Focus, Love, ... Time ...

Yes there will be a time, when it will resolve unravel and become fruitful.

Human dimension adds time - and time heals ...

In fact there is really nothing that needs healing, or hating, or feeling bad about, wrong or right, good or bad.

Just keep it up, keep going ... and be assured you are at your best already. Without feeding any Ego even most amazing. Once your Ego-rinda is gone, the haters will be gone as well. Magic. Human magic. Earthly magic. Cannot be without the Ego - and yet can't feed it too fat. Us poor human souls.

Hard to do when you try and magically it will happen when you stop trying.

Enjoy the game.

Love wins every time.





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I have not communicated for a very long time because as you said: "you are inaccessible" to those who may develop a sense of conflict over something you say, write, or an action you may take. I used to get angry and abusive because of the inconsistency I would perceive in your teachings. I used to become filled with rage when you would talk adoringly about Jerry Hicks and Abraham, when in fact they go against everything you teach about honoring and feeling our pain. I hate Esther and the late quite dead Jerry Hicks from Cancer after teaching for decades “you can’t attract something you are not a match to.”

People experiencing pain and unhappiness are easily offended and will turn against you if they don’t feel heard, which is something you have come to realize. The problem is, you have offered no solution. In my case, I just don’t participate or respond anymore. But still for four years I have followed your website, read your articles, and your Blogs, and watched my fair share of videos. I have been triggered many times, but refuse to communicate my feelings anymore. Who wants to share their thoughts and feelings if they are uncertain you even read the comments left on your blogs. And I have noticed that you don’t even allow comments to be left on your article page. I mean basically you call all the shots. Sometimes you go 3-4 weeks without an article or blog posted. Do you not think that people notice the infrequency of your writings?  People who follow your writings for the most part are in pain and they want to hear from you at least on a weekly basis. When you disappear for weeks at a time, people like me feel like you don’t care. And then there is nothing we can do to cause you to make adjustments.

There is not one time in the nearly four years that your staff ever responded to one of my emails, even if it was a technical issue. Your staff is horrendous when it comes to responding to your readers and their concerns.

An online community is a poor, poor, substitute for real human face to face interaction. Yet you are the only teacher in town dealing with the dark issues of serial killers, terrorists, people who suicide, and other dark issues that all other spiritual teachers refuse to even acknowledge, much less address. The Hay House community is nothing but a positive focus feel good community. Yet you are a member of Hay House and one of its teachers. Do you not think that people take note of this and maybe they feel you are being hypocritical by even being associated with Hay House? People notice things, they get offended, they drop out and turn against you in hate groups. I don’t think you really know why. And then as you know, your staff and moderators ban these people from your forum and comment sections. I even heard you say once that you don’t read the comments of your attackers. Another slap in their face.

As for me, I am looking for understanding. I don’t like the short synopsis of a situation you discuss in an article and then followed up with a series of 1, 2, 3, 4, ect steps to its solvation. The one thing I have noticed over the years is the rush, rush, rush, tempo of your writing. Just as you get into the really deep aspects of something and show great understanding, you suddenly cut the article off and that is the end of it. It feels at time you just don’t care enough to write a solid article unless it has something to do with a woman’s issues.

I remember a commenter being upset with you because you did not address the killing of 50 people in Orlando, FL by a lone shooter. People notice these things and they get offended. My bottom line complaint is the inconsistency in the timing of your articles. I have also noticed the Authenticity you used to speak of and promise to provide has all but disappeared. I am also not happy with the inappropriate ads you interweave within your articles. I don’t think a Tony Robbins advertisement has any place in your teachings or ads about meeting women. Please don’t degrade your teachings with these nonsensical ads.  After all the anger I have felt towards you over the years, I am still here trying to hang in.

Wayne Williams




Edited by Wayne Williams
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I remember the first time I heard Linkin Park's song, Somewhere I Belong, I cried so hard. I was fourteen.

I remember the first novel I ever started writing (at the age of ten) began with the words, "I was alone, and yet not alone." The scene goes on to describe a young girl surrounded by family and friends who feels misunderstood, unseen, by all of them. I transcribed it at the age of eleven and it went on to be some three-hundred typed pages before I moved on to another project.

I dreamed of you again last night Teal. I told you about myself and felt out for others who are part of this same river. Blessings, my love. I include you as part of myself, Teal. 

~ Raederle

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On 6/23/2017 at 0:49 AM, Crystal Rob said:

Dear Teal, you just described the Terrorists reason for what they are doing in the name of Islam. How insightful.
You did ask Tealers if they could think of ways to include those who Post hateful and inflammatory remarks on the Forum. I ask it now again for those who may have some insight or comment:

How can Teal's moderators deal with people who Post inflammatory comments or attack others for no seeming reason?

The idea is not to dis-clude them but still let them know there are other ways to comment rather than create the disassociation. 

My view is somewhat different - I see them as a mirror of reality. Nothing wrong with comments that can make you think. It's a human reaction to be offended. Compassion and thoughtfulness, seems lacking in these people - how do you include someone who goes to great lengths to be dis-included...? 

crystal Rob

I agree Rob some of those people seemed to "get off" on raising peoples hackles. Seeing how far they could inflame but being outrageous. People lacking general thoughtfulness, compassion and empathy.

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