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A War Called Belonging


Some of us are lucky.

We see ourselves in the faces that look back at us.

We are not strangers.

Some of us are lucky.

The stars of us belong in constellation.

We are not strangers.

Some of us are lucky.

We feel the warmth of our connection.

Its comfort is not worn thin by wariness.

We are not strangers.

Some of us are not so lucky.

Our cry is a wolf’s cry in a chorus of bleating.

We are strangers.

Some of us are not so lucky.

We recognize ourselves in people we have never met

and places we have never been to.

We are strangers.

Some of us are not so lucky.

The pith of connection fails us

again and again.

As inconsistent and as short lived as a dream.

We are strangers.

We are strangers in this world. 

 

458_connection.jpgSome of us are lucky.  We feel a sense of belonging.  We are born into families and societies that we feel like we are a part of.  Others of us feel like strangers in our own families and societies.  We do not feel like we are a part of anything.  We feel fundamentally disconnected. 

Belonging is one of the highest frequency vibrations in this universe.  In fact, we could consider oneness, love and belonging to all be different “tones” of the same color.  But it is not simply that.  It is also a basic human need.  So many people in the spiritual field believe it is not only possible but also good to transcend human needs.  They use their spiritual practice to work against their own biology instead of with it.  But it is not possible to un-need something that you need.  It is only possible to meet that need in a different way.  Humans are social creatures.  Human beings that are isolated die in a similar way that a plant dies if it is not given water.  But the sad thing is, without a sense of connection and belonging, a person will die even if they are surrounded by other people. 

To belong is to be a part of something.  But true belonging is to be so much a part of something that you can’t not be a part of it, even if you wanted to.  For example, to belong to a club you simply have to be a member of that club.  But that is not true belonging because you can decide not to be a member of the club and then, you don’t belong to the club anymore.  With true belonging, it doesn’t matter if you leave or if you don’t want to be a part of it anymore, you are.  The best explanation I can give you is to see that you are a human.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to be a human, you are.  You belong to the human race and the only way out of that belonging is death.

In true belonging, you are held and contained by something.  It is the most positive expression of ownership in existence.  In this kind of ownership, all parts are indivisible from the whole so you cannot do harm to a part without harming the whole. For example, if someone belongs to you and with you, you take them as part of yourself and so you cannot hurt them without hurting yourself.  This is the complete opposite of the form of ownership where something doesn’t belong to you, you simply possess it and so you can harm it without perceiving any harm to yourself because you don’t see it as part of yourself. 

To love something is to take something as part of yourself.  It is therefore obvious that belonging and love go hand in hand.  If you take something as part of yourself, it belongs to you.  One of the problems on the planet is that we get into relationships that are absent of belonging.  Our relationships are entirely conditional.  We don’t ever take the other person in as part of ourselves and so we cannot consider their best interests as a part of our own best interests.  We exclude them from us.

I have decided to do an Ask Teal episode on belonging.  I find it both amusing and incredibly sad that people join spiritual communities that teach members to transcend their highly attached need for belonging, specifically because they get belonging in those very communities.  It is painful for me to watch people look so desperately for belonging because they are starved for it. 

sexy light teal.jpgWhen Teal Tribe was created, it was my thinking that perhaps people who don’t fit anywhere, might just fit in with one another. What it created for people was a sense of belonging.  The sense of belonging with each other that they were missing in their lives.

Conflict is inevitable in this life where we have separate embodiments and perspectives.  Spiritual teachers like myself are no exception.  Besides not fitting in anywhere, Teal Tribers had something else in common… me.  So what happens when someone in Teal Tribe decides they are in conflict with me or other members of the forum?  Suddenly their sense of belonging is at risk.  If they would post something abusive or slanderous in the public forum, the moderators would warn them and then if they did not resolve the issue, ban them from the forum.  The consequence was that they felt separated and isolated again. 

If someone is in this position, they imagine that they have only one choice.  Resolve the conflict.  Or find belonging again… but this time with the other people who are in conflict with me and/or the rest of the tribe.  One of the worst parts about having fans is knowing that the consequence of having unresolved conflict with anyone in my life is that tomorrow; I could see them in the forums belonging to the Anti -Teal groups.    

The reality I have come to see is that one of the main reasons the Anti-Teal groups are so incredibly successful is because they offer belonging to those that have fallen out of belonging with Teal Tribe.  I am a match to people who desperately need and want belonging.  This doesn’t change when they feel they no longer belong with me or the Tribe.  They still need and want it just as much.  But now, their sense of belonging is dependent upon being against me instead of with me.  So the way they get a sense of belonging and connection is through the similarity of their hatred of me/the Tribe.  The stronger their hatred becomes collectively, the greater their sense of belonging.  Now, the war that has been waged is a war called belonging. 

Today, I am looking out the window realizing that they are not aware of the dangers of this state of starvation.  They are not aware of what exactly they are getting out of ‘being a part of’ these Anti-Teal groups.  They are not aware that belonging and validation is the reason they feel so much relief when they find other people who agree with them in the perception that I am horrible.  I cannot argue with the need beneath the way they have banded together against me. 

Today, I don’t have an amazing speech to share with you about belonging.  I have no action I wish to take or that I wish for you to take.  Today I want nothing more than to make you aware of the need you all share… The need for belonging.    

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