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A Very Real Risk

 paintings-316440_640.jpgAn empty canvass sits on an easel in front of the window with an expanse of tropical landscape behind it.  The paints are neatly arranged next to it; the paintbrushes dry and waiting.  I want to paint on it.  I can feel the pressure of art yet to be expressed inside me.  Over the last few months, it has felt like these creations inside me waiting to be born are on backorder.  And yet, I cannot bring myself past the exhaustion to sit down and paint.
aircraft-1555434_640.jpgA close friend of mine has a saying… Starting a business is like making a plane take off of the runway.  Everyone involved has to put everything they have into it and in the beginning it is tense and sometimes rocky and then after a bit it stabilizes.
philia sign.jpgThis retreat center (though it ties in with my mission and current business perfectly) is in reality a brand new business.  Since the second we decided to go ahead with it, it has taken every last drop of sweat, every breath and every minute for every person involved.  None of us have been able to focus on our respective role within the organization because of everything we have had to get done.  Instead of do my role, I have had to sort out details with design and direct contractors and workers and shop for necessities and haul things in pick up trucks.  At this point I feel guilty for having ever been upset at the price I had to pay for a hotel or any other hospitality service having seen what goes into the back end of a retreat.  It is literally a crazy amount of work and it feels like the minute something goes right, something else goes wrong.  And it feels impossible to make it so that every person feels good.  The kind of pressure we are all under has made the team's collective shadows and wounds surface.  On top of that the shamanic nature of this property itself is a catalyst.  The intensity level of it makes it feel like you’re on a spiritual plant medicine without having to actually ingest anything. 

maxresdefault.jpgTo add to it all, the collective hate group which is so vehemently opposed to my career as well as me as a person has been dedicating themselves wholeheartedly to trying to destroy this retreat center.  Essentially, the minute that we announced this retreat center, they began planning how to shut it down.  This began with them collectively turning me into the FBI and the local police.  Now their efforts are aimed at planning to attend so as to sabotage what we are doing here from the inside.  They have been targeting both attendees and teachers of the retreat.  And they have been doing a damn good job if I don’t say so myself.  We had one teacher not only resign from doing a retreat here because of the amount of Anti-Teal 'Danger' propaganda sent to her when she announced that she was working with me… but also turn directly against me and refuse to talk to any one of us to resolve the situation.  The teacher of the current retreat and many of the prospective attendees have confessed that they too felt deeply insecure coming here because of it.  Essentially, the principal strategy of my haters is to “befriend” people associated with me and then turn them against me.

Lately it has been a real frustration being told by some that I should just ignore it all (which can’t happen if they are taking tangible steps to sabotage me as opposed to just slandering me).  And on the other hand being told by others that they need my help and response in order to feel less terrified of me and my whole movement.  These hate groups have managed to make people who were dedicated and enthusiastic pull away from me and everything associated with me just to avoid the conflict and pressure of the controversy that surrounds me. 

cartoon-1299671_640.pngThis dynamic has made my career MUCH less enjoyable this year.  When I used to meet people, the overwhelming majority looked at me with this look like I was a gift sent straight from the divine universe into their lives.  Now, the overwhelming majority looks at me like I am a dragon… Something both wonderful and terrifying.  They look at me like they feel the overwhelming benefits of what I have brought to their lives, but that because of all of the fear propaganda they’ve been fed this year, they are not sure if I’m going to suddenly turn onto a fire-breathing monster.  This hate group has the exact same energy and dedication as the anti-abortion protestors who stand outside abortion clinics.

customer-563967_640.jpgNow, I am at a point where I literally have to warn people publicly (like I am doing in this blog) that because of the intense dedication of these individuals that have decided they hate me and then banded together to form an Anti Teal group, that people who demonstrate association or alliance with me should expect that they are going to be targeted for conversion by these people.  Unfortunately, I have several issues going on with their strategy.  Primarily the fact that this hate group has done such a good job with their fear propaganda that people’s moms and dads and brothers and sisters and friends are getting scared about me and then trying to turn the people they love away from me.  It’s WAY harder to brush off the concerns of a passionate hater than the concerns of someone in your life that you love and whose opinion and connection you care about.  Second, many people do not want to stick their necks out in support of me and be shot at by this hate group too (condemned by association).  Third, even more people than that are merely conflict avoidant and simply do not want to be involved in the heat and pressure of controversy. 

I feel more like a revolutionary than a spiritual teacher when I see people polarizing around me so dramatically either FOR or AGAINST me as a person.  And to add insult to injury, the shadow aspect of the spiritual field has reared its head in the form of messages from people saying that the reason they are pulling away from me is because they believe in the law of attraction.  And therefore, if I “attract” so much hate and controversy, it must mean something about me as a person.  When they say things like this, I wonder how people can hold such a double standard.  They say that the level of controversy surrounding me is indicative of some dark shadow within me.  And yet, they revere characters like Jesus, Ghandi, Martin Luther King and Joan of Arc.  History has shown us that controversy is not always indicative of people being evil, but people being light.  Many of the best game changers on earth end up dead as a result of circumstances just like this.  As history has shown over and over again, the person who wants to stand up the loudest for universal truth and change, takes the highest risk and is often the one who suffers the consequences of taking that risk.                            

I wish that people could walk for a week in my shoes.  I’m overwhelmed.  Part of me wants to just go into cryo-sleep and wake up years from now to years to see if anything has already been sorted out and is finally running smooth.      

hustle-and-bustle-1738072_640.jpgThe pressure I am under now is the very reason that people choose to stay small.  I am acutely aware that it is much safer socially to do so.  That is sad to me.  I can see now first hand what people are trying to avoid by holding themselves back.  The reality is that launching anything in the hopes of success, just like you do when you push the throttle on a plane to launch it into the air, is a risk.  It is a risk that you’ll never be ready for.  And so, rather than provide any solution today, I would like to end this blog by inviting you to ask yourself the question… What am I afraid of that is currently making me hold myself back?  By taking a risk to ‘really go for it’, whatever that may be, what is it that I risk?


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People like to choose the easier path. People who hated Hitler ended up going with the flow because they did not want to die. People that start exposing the dark truth about our world and are called conspiracy theorists end up not speaking out at all because it is easier not to.
The upside is the people who stay despite those attacks are passionate supporters who do know that the easiest way is not always the best, you know that you can count on them, quality over quantity.

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Dear Teal, I'm sending you all my love! As an ex-narcissist (ex thanks to you) I've  got used to the thought that people will both hate me and love me. The more ppl know you, the more ppl hate you. But the percentage stays the same. It's not because of you. It's because hatred is their favourite emotion. Because they are ignorant. Those who follow the haters also choose ignorance for themselves and no matter how much you love someone, you can't impose on to them to be wize and healthy. It's their own choice. You scare the s*** out of the weak ppl, your love is a threat to hatred and it rises to defend itself. You are not only astoundingly smart, but also astoundingly beautiful. Jealously is so wide spread and sure many are jealous of you. If ppl want to learn from you, welcome them. If they don't, let them kindly go to hell. Ignorant ppl don't deserve you, just like haters don't. They don't want help from you. They may be your loved, but they prove their love is weak... Let them go. None of your business. I also let my narcissistic father go. Nothing to do about him,but say sorry. :)

Edited by Ow-leena

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Love you Teal, for you as a reflector, it is not the job to be deeper and closer with the people. The function of your aura is to bounce it off and not to focus deeply or embrace it. Beading is also different than rejecting. You're so designd, and it would be good for you to keep that in mind. (HDS) You can see the whole group and stay here yourself, not in the middle. Can be that I am totally wrong, but I say times what comes to me as impuls. Many of your fans love you because they are deeply connected and because you are super attractive and sexy, cool and intelligent super sensitive and very open. However, they fall into a trap that takes them away from themselves and only encourages them to follow, or to depend on you. Make yourself free from the fans who hang on your lips and comment on every step. Go your way so they can go their way. Everything is impersonal and that is your shield for safety. Your growth has the same value as your students. You learn what you teach, even on a different level. You are in all and all are in you. Everything is perfect! Is there anything like risk at all? The only thing we risk is to experience.

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Hi Teal. I work in P.R. I was thinking about other people with bad publicity and how they got out of it. For instance Monica Lewinsky. (Bare with me this is a good example For my point: the worst press worldwide ever and how to get out it). She gave a TedX speach. Everyone haten her at the beginning of the speach and she gets standing ovation almost at the end. Look iT up its great. 

So my diagnose would be : fine a platform that is mainstream. Scientific, Not New age at all. There are many otters suffering from fake social media. Hyper normality. THE trolls like Scientology or illuminata are trolling also other groups. For instance I ma blogging About adhd and those Groups dont think that existent. A rockbands are often accused of beëing I dont know what. So there must be a meeting, Some lectures and studies about social media, trolling, etc somewhere. Maybe a  TedX Event or something at a University where they have a themed event about YouTube etc. i would go to something like that. Step outside the New age netwerk for one lecture. And meet with people in other disciplines and how they deal with this fenomena. It is a bigger picture 

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Teal, why don't you hire someone to deal with your haters? Someone that isn't afraid to stand up for what they believe in and who can communicate in a loving way to all. Someone that has a nack for spotting the haters from a mile away before they even know it and attend to the needs at hand to stop this vicious hateful spiral. I totally understand at this point you can't just ignore them they will litteraly stand in front of any door you open until they are given attention. This attention doesn't have to be from you or from a place of hating the haters but from a place of love everyone equally and allowing them to be free themselves of the fear they harbor. People are fighting to hold onto any little form of control they feel they have over other's at this time and you breaking free and changing the process of thought, of course has adversity but you don't have to fight fire with fire or stand silently alone suffering. I got your back girl, ALWAYS! You need to hire a peace maker, let me help bring you the peace you've brought to so many people. 

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Consciously co-create through the heart so you do not create polarization with the mind. Slow down to integrate more with the local community in your new environment. Connect and create relationships with other spiritual retreat centers in Central America. Do it all more organically, so it doesn't feel so colonizing. 

I recommend visiting InanItah in Nicaragua to see another perspective of what a spiritual retreat center can look like. I've worked at the Omega Institute, the largest holistic retreat center in the USA and even that place has some amazing take home points.

From my perspective it does look that the amount of integration work you have been doing with Draconian energies has increased. I feel grateful for this work you are doing. Sending so much love.

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I'm so sorry that you had to face these obstacles and feeling this way, Teal! You are a bright shining light in my world, teaching me and guiding me towards my truth and higgest potential. You showed me the way on how to be kind with myself, which felt amazing! I love you very much and I support you full-heartedly!

Regarding your invite to answer what is it that I'm risking on "fully going for it", and what is it that prevents me on going for it,  the answer is the same and comes easy:  abandonment. I fear me being without a support figure.

If I would know I can be my own support figure or I will always have a support figure in my life at all times, regardless on what I decide to be and do, than there will be no risk for me.

You have us all supporting you, Teal! A whole community loving you and being thankfull to you! And I guess me and all people commenting here just want you to feel good and be kind to yourself!

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Stay strong Teal.

Avoiding risks is not a good strategy in the long-term.

I took the risk to start my own online business, I'm going through struggle. But I'm true to myself. And even if I fail I will not regret it.

How many people can say that?

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I HAVE YOUR BACK !!!

My empathy to you dear Teal and all you guys working in this organisation <3

Just so you know:

I am not afraid of conflict. I dont give a shit what other people think. If i know what is right, then all the haters are like water to my oil ;). So if you need a fighter: here I am :)

Just want you to know: I give you my supprt. 100%. Ill back you. Say the word and Ill give you help.

Im coming to Philia, and Im bringing my parhents!

 

Bless you sweety !

Lots of love.

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Teal - I just want to extend my support and love; I have no idea how to help with your situation except to share what I have learned from you with my students. Helping them to awaken to who they are and the power they have to manifest their desires by honoring their emotions is just one thing I have learned from you. I cannot pretend I understand where the hate you are experiencing comes from; fueled by something so dark that it escapes my full comprehension. However, I choose to believe in the power of love. All of your work encourages people to go within and heal aspects of themselves that keep them from experiencing the fullness of who they are. Ultimately, this message will prevail over any other message that your "haters" will try to deliver. My heart tells me that this is true and it is your work that has helped me to uncover that truth. xoxo Andrea

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I am sorry to hear your life feels this way, sending you love and light <3 <3 <3

Maybe find a coach who already has lived what you are experiencing right now, to turn to for guidance. 

I truly hope this does not grow any bigger, you can help so many people of given the chance to.

Als towards your question, what is currently holding me back is my fear of criticism. Haters. Also fear of failing and ending up broke and dependent of all around me. 

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Well, if the energy of those haters is like the energy of anti-abortion protesters, I can see why I dislike them so much and feel like their arguments are not very good. Not even properly researched. I really don't like that they try to affect people's subconscious and not their conscious mind, I feel like people are much more vulnerable on that level.  I hate that they use fear and try to scare people away from you, Teal. That's so low. Actually I think I hate your haters. Or maybe "detest" would be a better word. Like cockroaches.  And they scare me because they are bullies. I wish there was some kind of force to... I don't know. Punish them or something like that. I don't think that'll happen though and that sucks. Well, if that might help you feel even a little better, it looks to me that they are so angry not because there's something really wrong with you but because there's something really right. Wishing you luck or patience at the moment doesn't feel good so... if I can help in any way, ask.

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I wouldn't like to be Teal right now. It's awful to feel the hate of people around you. I guess, if I would continue with the center, it would be because I reaaly loved it. Otherwise, I would reconsider my strategy and change some things. I could also reconsider my priorities, how is this affecting my family? My personal life? My health? Is this worth my peace of  mind? Can in handle more pressure in the future? 

There are many things to consider. Sometimes we move forward, some times  we change routes. Some times we want to help people but people don't want to be helped. 

If I decided to stay in this route, then I would make sure to get to know some good people around me, expand my circle of friends to love me and support me. This is what I would do, But what would Teal do? Only she knows all the details and challenges of this situation, so it's hard to offer options. it seems unfair to give advice when we known so little. Teal knows better than anybody what is best for her and her family and will make the best choice she can. 

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