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A Call To Go Deeper

winter wonderland.jpgPark City was an absolute winter wonderland today.  Having been deceived by the sun, I decided to go skiing.  I was thinking it would be relatively warm outside.  It wasn’t.  When I arrived at the resort, the mountain was veiled in an ice cloud.  The air was littered with tiny, icy snow crystals that glittered brilliantly through the bitter cold, dry air.  The landscape was as surreal as a fantasy painting.  Snow frosted every single branch of every tree completely.  Every single inch of the earth was pure white.  The sun was encircled in 2 brilliant parhelions (also called sun dogs).  And the tiny, invisible ice crystals in the air created rainbows that stretched from the white of the earth into the gray-blue of the sky.  It was the kind of cold that makes you tired.  The kind of cold that bypasses the numbness phase to work it’s way into your bone marrow, resulting in a crushing ache that is intolerable.

My Husband and I are merging further day by day into a unit.  I cannot imagine life before him now.  When we have disagreements, it is unendurable for the both of us.  On an energetic level, the disagreements are much worse than the ones I’ve had with any man that came before him.  On a surface level, there is nothing unusual about our disagreements.  In fact they are quite level and the communication that takes place is very mature.  But when we are at odds, it feels like trying to resist the pull between two ten-foot magnets.  It is painful on every level.  It gives rise to a pervasive exhaustion in us both.

Sometimes when you look deep into someone’s eyes, you touch the eternal self that is beyond their body.   I like to reach for this being that is resident behind my husband's eyes.  It is familiar in a humbling sort of way.  His eyes are like deep obsidian pools of ancient mysticism and authority.  Looking into his eyes, Is like touching the void; the darkness of creation where all things bleed into one.  It is like being sucked into the onyx like darkness of an old, dormant volcano.  I feel cloaked by the steady night of his stare.  When he moves his energy around me (like he so often does throughout the day) it feels like nighttime closing in around a storm, containing and quieting it.  It is the safest feeling I have ever felt in my life.

galaxy.jpgEveryone in our intentional community came together to socialize yesterday night.  It was an emotional get together that inspired me to do a new YouTube video soon on the topic of “drama”.  But I was sitting in the Department of Motor Vehicles today (with the intention of procuring a new driver’s license) thinking about last night’s conversation and when I was hit by a sudden burst of inspiration to write about something.


bypassing.jpgI have observed that many people tend to use spiritual beliefs to sort of “bypass” their painful emotions, childhood wounds, personal needs and unresolved problems.  This is a definite shadow side of spirituality in general.  This issue is particularly rampant in circles that adhere to the spiritual principal of positive focus.  It is sad to me that spirituality is being used as an escape from and a way to gloss over what is.  We need to be very clear and honest with ourselves about whether we are using spiritual beliefs in order to enhance our joy or whether we are using them in order to avoid our pain.

The darkest shadow aspect of spirituality is the use of spirituality to bypass physicality.  This is what is taking place when people who look down on physical life as if it is somehow “less”.  When we are using spirituality to bypass physicality, we are using spirituality as an excuse to escape from being human and even as an excuse to escape from life itself.

Spirituality is about authenticity.  It is about embracing what is, even if what is, is painful.  This is a shock to people who seek spirituality as a way to turn away from pain.  We have begun to dance in the shadow of spirituality if we try to use it to bypass the pain that we feel.  True spirituality calls for us to be braver than this.  It calls us to recognize the magnificence of our being to such a degree that we do not run from what scares us.  It calls for us to go deeper.  And so I shall…

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