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Showing results for tags 'warning triggers and possible language'.
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Help Me I am In Hell/ Topic named after a Nine Inch Nails song... I am not really sure about what exactly is happening to me but all I know is can't take any of these pains anymore. The emotional pain is way beyond words... saying it is overwhelming would sound ridiculous to me to describe it. I may have a certain number of very good and practical reasons to cry but the worst one must be...my mourning my mother. My only family. The love of my life. She passed away 3 years ago still...I think of her alll the time. I don't know if my emotions found their way to take a toll on my body but to add to the constant suffering and crying... I've been suffering from horrible spasms and non stop achings in my belly these last 3 days (womb, ovaries, my back). I don't feel the need to see a doctor for I already know what he might say "Oh, so you started your pill with 3 days of delay, do not be surprised if you feel a certain kind of mayhem" (=putting all the blame on hormones) (sigh) I am aware of how powerful hormones can be but honestly... I know it is just me getting to the point where the simple fact of still be waking up is enough to make me cry. I don't even want to type about the kind of practical reasons I have to wanna push the reset button (IMO anyone would/would have in my shoes). Problem is... I already pushed it. This button doesn't even seem to want me, or something wants me SO badly on Earth while I just want OUT of it all????) Several times. (Made sure the doses were double or triple the lethal ones BUT.. woke up each time?????? I swear this is true!No rational possible reason to my surviving all of these!!!..) My Mom wanted to live but eventually reached a point where the non'stop pains made her say words like "My body's a jail" . She is free of it all now Free of all pain... But unfortunately I can't see her no more. And these last few days of constant pains in my female organs make me miss her some even more. I'll be honest guys. I am praying for my own death. I want to join Mom, grandpa and my cat Octave. I want free of 3d, the dimension of pain, and free of any further incarnation =for incarnation always means the suffering of loss I don't want this suffering anymore. No more crying. No more aching. No more debts that came out of the blue after my mom's death. No more density of sadness, and the acid bite of loneliness. No more spasms, no more despair. I miss Source so much. I want back to my true realm...wich is so far away from all the pain one can endure on planet Blue. Of course Earth is a zoo. And a school at the same time. Does suffering make you graduate faster? Maybe. Maybe comes a time where the pain is consuming so much energy you just CAN'T learn and function properly anymore with it -this is so obvious. To all my loving guides and angels, thank you for your patience xoxo To Teal: thank you for comitting to being here on this plane of existence To everybody/anybody reading this all: same as what I wrote to my angels love, Deneb