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Showing results for tags 'lonely'.
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Feeling Isolated Hey everyone, I always feel like no one wants me. I don't necessarily mean this in a romantic way, since it happens with any type of relationship I have to an extend. I would suppose this might be my core negative imprint since I feel this way often. I was left by my father at a young age and the times that I remember belonging as a child didn't last either. I had two best friends when I was in Elementary they ended up moving one after the other. Before the last one left I ended up telling her that I felt that she was my bestfriend and she said she didn't feel the same way. I was torn by this and I think this might also add to my feelings of being wanted and not good enough. It ends up making me feel like they are special to me, but I am worthless and disposable to them. I wrote this and shared part of my life in the hopes that I would feel less isolated by having someone understand my difficulties in connection.
Help I am writing this message because I literally don't know what else to do. I have no friends, not even one. I don't get along with my parents, even at age 22. I am in my last year of college and feel so lonely, I have just come to sit in my room smoking weed by myself all day long watching teal swan videos to try and make myself feel better or researching random things. I feel like I am wasting my youth away. I come from a conservative, well off southern family, go to a top university, am skinny blonde and attractive. I really do have a lot going for me. By looking at me, you would never guess I have no friends. I am very friendly, have great social skills (which must have come as a survival mechanism from years of feeling this way) and try to include everyone. I've never cared about being in the cool group. I reach out to other people and am a listening ear to people who need a friend. So why do I cry myself to sleep most nights? In high school, I also felt lonely, but it's different now that I am in college and don't even have people to come home to. Once I got to college, I thought everything would change. Went through rush but none of the sororities wanted me in their group. Tried different clubs, but none of them actually hung out with each other outside of the meeting and all the friendships I have tried to initiate never really went anywhere. I just got by by dating different guys who were interested in me at the time because I guess if they were my boyfriend it was someone to hang out with guaranteed. Then, I got out of a really toxic relationship that took a whole year to actually end permanently. I decided to stop binge drinking and realized that all the friends I once had no longer wanted to hang out with me because I wasn't going off to party with them. I actually love to party, I LIVE to RAGE, but I hate drinking and doing stupid things that come with it. Now, even if I wanted to go out one night, it is a challenge to find someone to go with, so most nights I just sit in my room smoking alone. I have racked my brain as to why this is happening but I've got nothing. I guess you could say I'm kind of caught between two worlds: on the one hand my family is very conservative, put together, and in this community everyone has to be perfect all the time. One thing I really do appreciate about this kind of world is the emphasis on etiquette and I at least have people who don't think I am crazy for my political views (Republican). On the other hand, I have friends outside this community who are into yoga, the outdoors, spirituality, etc. But even with them, I feel like they'll never understand me. I have to keep silenced when people bring up the election, they think my world is foreign to them and due to my upbringing, I do have different values than them when it comes to certain things. I feel like I'll never find someone who truly understands both aspects of me. I feel like no one knows the whole truth about me because I am lying to everyone about who I am, knowing the truth will never come out because these two groups don't interact often. I guess I don't really know why I am writing this other than the fact that if I didn't vent my feelings somewhere, I would probably burn something down, yell at a random person in the street, or drive way too recklessly in my car to release this anger, frustration, confusion and sadness. I guess you could call me a complainer. I guess you could say I have it all set for me and that I am a liar because I could never worry about these things. I think the worst part about all of this is that when I envisioned my life, I thought I'd have so many friends by this point and always have an event to go to. I feel like my youth is being wasted and I am scared for my twenties because I hope to God that these years of being young and having fun aren't just spent sitting around on a couch. What is my problem? How can I stop this? I feel ashamed for posting this on the internet for everyone to see. I feel like I've tried everything. Is there any hope left for me? If you read to this point, god bless your soul.
Outcast/loner It find sometimes when people look into my books or writing, I feel ashamed, or fear of people seeing into me. I've realized this greatly when I stayed at a mental hospital for attempted suicide. I finally met people exactly like me, and resonated with them. The very place I ironically liked being, yet I was really quiet and being open and letting people see into my authentic self scares the living shit out of me. True connection is what I'm starved ,a loner in my society right now. I mean, I have a reason to be scared I guess when I'm at home. Any other thoughts about this, anyone..?
I'm going to bring it up that even from others information. I am indeed chronically depressed. ( so despite of my optimistic personality and my " mental disabilities" ) along with my past experiences, have made me quite a strange person. I've also went through something rather annoying and ended up with two less friends than I already had ( next to nothing ) ( I'm rather depressed every day despite how happy I can get in a day. seems more like a distraction and I recall that nothing actually got better ) I've experienced next to no friendships throughout my entire life. if anything, a few acquaintances or strong friendships that lasted until people moved and the other never sends me a message unless I message them and so on. that's always the case with me and in many cases it is obviously me becoming annoying or less interesting as they the once thought. Or we just stop talking all together. fine and all but damn... So many liars about. even when I can see they are doing other things, scheduling whatnot. displaying their friendship and so on. I've only got like 3 GOOD friends who I know wouldn't actually ditch me and so on. so i actually don't mind it when they are suddenly silent for a while or longer. Even before my biggest depressions, seeing others happy and so on bring me much joy.. specially if i'm the one who brings some form of it. And being the person that I am and would imagine myself to me.. passionate, compassionate, empathe0tic, trustworthy... and so one.. much of which I only take on the title from what others have said about me and so on. Main reasons why I don't say such things about myself is because how angry i can get and so on. That remind me that I am NOT kind... i am NOT sweet... Despite even the smallest spark of something gives me hope and so on. (I shouldn't have said anything and nobody would have seen this mess of a post and other users would only see what's been around the forum up til now. I'm a poor excuse for anything to be honest... which is why I try to not vouch anything in my " worthless" name Though I am worth alot to many people that still doesn't erase how useless I actually am. not even to myself. I'm not particularly amazing to around 24 7 where as other people seem to just be somebody who you want to be with and prove you right every day.. x.x ) What makes an attractive person? Their race? Their family? Their job? Their qualifications? Black sheep of the family. black sheep of a family that was cut off from the greater portion of the tree. I can hardly take care of myself ( I reckon I could do much better now, but still ) My personality is lacking an damaged. Despite how badly I wish to be a great person perhaps others would like to aspire to be. And seems like a long shot to think I'm like somebody else rather than simply aspire to be like specific people who just beam lights of true hospitality and so on. I mean, I grew up in a rather strange but well off family but everything was so dysfunctional, mainly on my part. Always compared to my older nephew and almost practically demanded i be more like him and follow in his footsteps But also more and more I figured out that this " you're the baby of the family " was souly to be somebody who wont leave the house and so on when one of my older brothers has been living with us since before I was even born, so... And he is hard to live up to.. ever since elementary, perfect grades, super athletic, loved by everybody and his teachers. respected as a human being Even to this day almost all of his friends from elementary are people who are still his friend NOW. Even hang out with him often, travel to see him. ACTUALLY follow through with plans and shiet like that. Not to mention he easily became manager of a restaurant in Vancouver BUT also now runs his own business and so on. And for the longest time, has this wonderful girlfriend I wonder why she's even with that scum. But as I have said many times before with other things. seems like his truer side shows off to everybody else but with me he cntinues to torment and tease me. Oddly enough, after I told his girlfriend about my " gayness" of which she was fine with and so on, that it turns out he didn't care either but he doesn't seem to care that it means alot to me and my parents would most likely disown me if they fully accepted the fact. Specially my older sister who I admire alot and out of them all, she's the one I'm closest with. besides my mother.. >_>'' I guess I'll just wait a little longer until the shift into 4d before anything cam be truly positive in my life. Not like I should really care since I LOVE being alone anyway.. also RATHER it this way. not just cause of my influence on people. I'd rather be somebody that looks nice on the first glance.. Whether or not I'll become fully healed in time... I just want everyone else to be happy. Witnessing world peace will be more than enough for me.
Hi lovely people, i am new to this and look forward to getting to know and sharing knowledge and help heal the world. is there any1 in scotland or uk who would like to hook up for some fun and growth? i live in a place where nobody understands me and think im crazy because im very aware of the world we live in , i am still going through the horrible process of lost confusion and feel pretty stuck now and very lonely, any help or feedback on your experience is welcome with gratitude, peace and love kevin