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Found 8 results

  1. toemilyjune

    365 Days to Self Love Day1 of 365 days of 'What Would Someone Who Loves Themselves Do?' I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Aiding in my tiredness is a viral load off the charts at 750 of the Epstein Barr Virus. I've watched Teal's videos and two times took notes on her very enlightening Chronic Fatigue video. My self-esteem seems to prevent me from making any lasting changes and often prevents me from even starting things. This trickles over into every aspect of my life including when I lay down for bed, when I leave my home, and when I answer the phone. I live in a perpetual state of fear. Even before this virus prevented me from working I lived in fear. I want a different life for myself than sitting on the couch being brainwashed by the media. I want to feel amazing with my toes in Grecian sand, and I want that flight to be a breeze instead of something that petrifies me to think of. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to have a partner. I want to make jewelry and have filthy hands from playing in potters clay. I want to help people in a way that doesn't leave me resentful and scraping by financially. Here's my starting point. I lay on the couch all day watching Netflix and switching to my phone eyeballing Facebook and Instagram. When it's time to sleep I brush my teeth, floss and oil pull (new habit), then turn off the tv and remain on the couch to sleep. My Adrenal fatigue is very severe. I can be on my feet for a couple hours during the day without exhaustion, but I will feel uneasy and fearful of my blood sugar dropping. I have hypoglycemia and my blood sugar drops every two hours, three if I'm lucky. I live alone in my apartment. I have one casual married male friend I see once a month at a vegan potluck and another I talk to occasionally via the Marco Polo application. She lives in Seattle. I leave the house to go to Costco and the grocery store. I'm doing this here in Teal's space because I feel safe here. I feel other people will accept what I'm doing. I want to hold myself accountable and follow through with a whole year documenting my journey. Finding self love and reclaiming my life is my top priority and I feel it's time to do something drastic. I'd like to look back on this and rejoice this time in my life as a valuable painful learning experience that is in the past. If one person reads my trials and begins their own journey to self love, thats an immeasurable bonus! Day 2 of 365 days of 'What Would Someone Who Loves Themselves Do?' I felt pressure yesterday following this new way of thinking. I didn't turn on the tv until the evening, which was a huge detour from my normal life laying on the couch. I was however on my laptop a lot haha. I went to my family's house (200 foot walk) and talked with my mom and pet her many corgis for over an hour. She breeds them under strict standards and shows them professionally. What was notably different was I received a renewal application in the mail and instead of looking at it until the day it was due I filled it out and actually dropped it off. I was dizzy and foggy headed doing so and I was scared to go to the grocery store which I had planned after. I asked the sacred question wondering to press on or go home, and was surprised to get the answer of 'go to the store'. I did. I didn't feel great, but I got through it, and actually felt peace that I could trust this answer from my higher self because it was not my first inclination. I know, a boring read so far. Prepare for more boring. I asked randomly during the day and I was told 'eat', 'go to the bathroom' and even 'lay down', 'relax'! When I listened to my body sure enough these things were a priority and I guess I was just ignoring them until it became glaringly obvious. Day 3 of 365 days of 'What Would Someone Who Loves Themselves Do?' In the name of authenticity and shame. In asking the question 'WWSWLTD?', I was pulled to catch up on Teal's blogs. She discussed shame that she feels and it probed me to ask about my shame, so I thought jogged the following: Being seen as a slob, Being seen as lazy, Being seen as sexual specifically around family, Being seen as free spirited “wild” = without discipline, Being seen as WooWoo or spiritual, Being seen as inadequate, especially in artistic measures, Being seen as a victim, Having racist moments when I know better, Not finishing things, Not meeting financial goals, Not looking ideally thin and healthy (in control), Not being well liked by people, Not being really good at something for my age. Not being seen as a good example of how to live in society with success and discipline. So afraid of being disliked that you end up alone. (because you judge others as harshly as you do yourself and abandon them if they do things you don’t agree with, or see as spiritually devolved.) Shortly after creating my list, my friend is Seattle rang on Marco Polo and we had a rare authentic conversation about projecting an accurate image of yourself into the digital dating world. She told me stories of vast misrepresentations and I admitted I rarely take pictures of myself and the only full body one that was not a 'shameful selfie' was when I was 10-15lbs lighter (just after a breakup no less). People online would want to meet me and I would never meet them in person because I knew I was false advertising and could not handle the rejection of reading the disappointment on their face and the utter awkward moments to follow. I just wanted someone to talk to and mask my loneliness and pain. The point this made me realize is this. Up until two years ago I have been in a relationship since I was 13 years old. I was a master at finding a guy I could land and accommodating myself to reflect his interests. Since I was ashamed of being spiritual, energy sensitive, or the barefoot bohemian type, I led with other aspects. I like long haired musicians, nice cars and fast bikes, have an innocent face, am desperate to go to Greece. What did I find? Long haired musicians I was petrified to sing around. Lots of handsome intelligent foreign men who were great with numbers and facts, attracted to my wholesome look, and loved my need for speed. Never mind I was used and using them for non intimate sex because that was the only way I knew how to get connection. Finally, A couple years ago this blew up in my face. Out of lust of Damon Salvator the bad boy in Vampire Diaries I manifested an American who looked strikingly similar to him and had similar non acting interests. On a beautiful night in Santa Cruz, CA my friend decided to have a beach party. 7 or 8 attended and I was on a rare moment happily myself since there were only two guys and both were in relationships, and what I considered too young. I told embarrassing shit stories of when I was in the Army and we all drank and bonded. What I didn't know was this boy 7 years younger had fallen for me, went home broke up with his girlfriend of three years and started pursuing me three days later. Naturally I was completely off guard and scrambled to put on my protective swave game face. Bam spiritual barefoot Emily vanished and out came wholesome, catering, attentive, adventurous Emily. We fell in love hard and fast. He worked in the forrest and loved to fish, which fit right in line with my family's way of living. Everyone was shocked I was dating an American with a red Jeep and a yellow dog. We moved in together two blocks from the beach and everything was going great, until I started getting sick with my Chronic Fatigue symptoms. He started to realize I was depressed with suppressed anger, which only magnified how uncomfortable he was with his suppressed feelings. As I got sicker I became more spiritual and obsessive with Feng Shui hoping to fix my life. He was alien to the idea of energy and even what healthy food was, and I was all about that when I got sick because I had saved my own life with diet before. A great love, or ideal of love, turned into two near strangers living together trapped after a year and a half. One day laying on the couch I put his arm around me for one too many times. I told him that it felt forced for him to be close to me and I absolutely don't want to be around someone who doesn't want me. In that moment I l probed him hard learning of his flailing feelings and immediately, what felt out of the blue, we broke up. I was already too sick to work and lonely from his rejection of my natural treatment methods. This made me feel so awful, but so so much worse when I learned he had been sleeping around. By now I was unable to hold down even my own massage practice so I flew home to Alaska to be with family and recuperate. During the month home, he began a new relationship, and there was no mending it. When I returned I found myself with a fast timeline to move out and another girl was to move in immediately after. Thus began a heartbreak so painful my health hit the floor. I moved to Alaska where I now reside and have worked hard to forgive him, which I feel I have genuinely done. It took a heartbreak so painful, a true rejection from someone I loved, and two years for me to sit here and say this. Not representing myself authentically is a form of self rejection and shame that can be so terribly painful and devastating I wondered how it has not killed me. The moral is to accept myself, and courageously be myself, thus attracting people who feel the same about themselves, and have the capacity to give to me in a way that is less likely to be detrimental. So how do I do that when I have so much shame and have never been authentically myself around any man or immediate family member for fear of rejection? That is exactly why I am asking the question throughout the day 'What would someone who loves themselves do?' because, I don't know yet. I'm at what feels like ground zero of unconditional self love. I do know that self rejection is a futile leaned behavior to seek acceptance and now a state too painful to live with.
  2. RELATIONSHIP Problems (unmet needs, boyfriend withdrawals and is emotional unavailable) Hi there, I am not sure what happend in my childhood consciously but I dreamed serval times to be sexual abused by my dad, having secret relationship with him. Went to some memories by myself with CP but still have shame and grief riseing up from time to time after sex (panic attacks, cutting, bulimia was my coping mechanism some years ago). HOW do YOU deal with such trauma in your relationships?? My relationsship felt like a rollercoaster since 4 years now. It is getting more stabil since new year. I put lot of time into understanding me and my partner...and I am happy that I did so because I am more atuned to see behind manipulation, to be okay with differencies, to be okay with my and my partners needs. Sadly I realized that sex is the one need I am not satisfied with in that relationship. It making big problems for me because I found out a pattern in me... that without sex I don´t feel deep connection and value!? I don´t want to give up ...I don´t want to repeat the hurt of my parents, grandparents etc.....I want to stop the circle of suffer in me. I don´t want to let it hurt other people including myself anymore! I want to see my partners beauty instead being throwing back in time....I want to find relief...to be with my boyfriend in the NOW. Yesterday something arises, again..it felt soo painful to me. It was real to me. ...I thought my boyfriend refuses me by watching porn instead living it with me. I felt rejected, hurt, betrayaled. Especially because we have rarely sex these days. We just talked about it and he said to me that he don´t need it so much at the moment. 😕 but I do! Often men want more sex than women didn´t know that it can flip around. But fine I am okay with it..that I am more the needy one. I told him that I can´t be satisfied forever in this relationship when this need of mine is not met. And he felt pressure. (I am open for friendship, open relationship, what ever constallation fits for us...but he is not...he just told me..and it´s very painful for me to loose someone you love only because you have needs he/she can´t met ) He said to me I can´t wait. I feel waiting forever . He reflects so many aspects of my dad...I am waiting for his attention, committment, support, to be seen, to feel beautiful, to be loved as I wanna be loved. When the day is over and I go to bed he goes into his workroom/computer room. My father was the same. But he is not my dad! It is so annoying to feel that, also. So coming back to the situation of yesterday..I was pissed about a "non fact" that my boyfriend is watching porn. And when he came to bed he felt my distance and asked ´what´s up´. Then I reproached that he is satisfiing his sexual needs with porn and I am mad about it. He was very angry because he told me he did not watched it further touched himself. I could not trust. It was so real for me!? He said my mind is playing mindgames. He was hurt. I said "okay, than it has to be a memory of mine.." "I have to go into it" and he said " then do it now!" I tried CP with him...but I felt he wasn´t present with me...he was still hurt 😕 I got a panic attack felt super insecure. He told me I have to stop reacting like this ( he thought I was playing/dramatiseing)..he asked me " do I have I be violent / do I have to hurt you if you don´t stop?"....I felt even more pain, panic...can´t breathe! I cried and start talking after long moment of silence. I told him , please not take it personal, please put the hurt he felt by side because I really need just presents and understanding. My thoughts are not ment to hurt him, please can you see that I am hurt!? At this moment he was a little bit more present and I told him my memory. My father stopped abusing me one day and I still wanted his attention in the form I only knew ( the one that connected us= sex) and he refuses me. It was painful. Sexuallity became something forbidden/secretly. In my teen years I started an interest for the hobby of my dad (computers) to stay connected. He never knew how to emotional connect. Often he promised me to buy icecream or candy so that we could share time with each other, he see him, too..he was really lonley in his world) (I am crying now..dawn why is it so fucked up?) How can I find peace?How can I know what is missing?
  3. Blowing the whistle on Spiritual Teachers, Gurus and Self Help Experts as people in danger of being the least authentic and most dangerous people of all lies in the basic principle of fragmentation. The teacher who preaches enlightenment or a higher dimensional perspective are often bull dozing or leaving behind many aspects of themselves! Video References Fragmentation: :30 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeUlPO2iXb4 The Sad Truth about most Gurus: 5:22 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7qVTGxDB8I AND Consciousness: 13:09 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgbxy4WDfUw&t=138s Teal Swan is an International Spiritual Leader. She offers perspective on a wide range of topics including relationships, anxiety, meditation, shadow work, the law of attraction, The Completion Process, healing, PTSD, emotions and spirituality Website: www.tealswan.com For daily updates, monthly online Synchronization Workshops join TealSwan.com/premium Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thespiritualcatalyst/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tealspiritualcatalyst/?hl=en Twitter: TEALCATALYST Newsletter: https://tealswan.com/newsletter Completion Process Book: https://thecompletionprocess.com/#the-book Teal's Meditations: https://gumroad.com/tealswan Teal's e-shop: tealswan.com/teals-products Beginning Song: Kuan Yin's Mantra (c) 2002 Lisa Thiel End Song: Howling Sloth www.sundyer.com/products Help us caption & translate this video! http://amara.org/v/9Hq9/ Help us caption & translate this video! https://amara.org/v/fLtO/
  4. Greg21

    Fear of Intimacy This thread I am starting is in regards to Teals new video fear of intimacy. I want to compile everyone who specifically suffers from this into its own little community. Hopefully we can work through the steps on the list and maybe even meet each others needs. This is a great opportunity to make new friends and grow self awareness.
  5. Greg21

    Fear of Intimacy This thread I am starting is in regards to Teals new video fear of intimacy. I want to compile everyone who specifically suffers from this into its own little community. Hopefully we can work through the steps on the list and maybe even meet each others needs. This is a great opportunity to make new friends and grow self awareness.
  6. We sat down for a lovely interview with JP Sears (Ultra Spiritual) and Teal Swan (The Spiritual Catalyst) for an amazing discussion about spiritual bypassing. For more Teal www.tealswan.com Jp Sears awakenwithjp.com Help us caption & translate this video! http://amara.org/v/aFGn/
  7. GabijaCij

    Teal Swan on How To Be Authentic, explains that most of our lives in this society is lived in pretense and fakeness and inauthenticity. In self-development we seek to be our authentic selves. Authenticity is often forfeited in society to keep the status quo, your job and your friends. But are these things worth the price of not being ourselves? Teal Swan goes on to explain How To Be Authentic and live in a state of authenticity. Referenced Videos Fragmentation- 3:33 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeUlPO2iXb4 How to call bulshit on denial - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcg1WPuMX5M&t=2s How to Express your emotion - 11:22 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0wAs-u4A2E The Emotional Wakeup Call - 12:57 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMC7ULTSPEE&t=1011s Teal Swan is an International Spiritual Leader. She offers perspective on a wide range of topics including relationships, anxiety, meditation, shadow work, the law of attraction, The Completion Process, healing, PTSD, emotions and spirituality Register for Premium Content https://tealswan.com/premium-register Website: www.tealswan.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thespiritualcatalyst/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tealspiritualcatalyst/?hl=en Twitter: TEALCATALYST Newsletter: https://tealswan.com/newsletter Completion Process Book: https://thecompletionprocess.com/#the-book Teal's Meditations: http://www.jointeallive.com/meditations/ Teal's e-shop: https://gumroad.com/tealswan Endsong: Kuan Yin's Mantra (c) 2002 Lisa Thiel Help us caption & translate this video! http://amara.org/v/9Hq9/ Help us caption & translate this video! http://amara.org/v/aOHG/
  8. I'm wondering about gender and how we feel inside and if that's from trauma. I can only talk for myself but inside I feel androgynous and my body kind of matches that. Am I supposed to feel all masculine because my body is male? I grew up with a lot of feminine energy and masculine energy but I'm trying to figure out why I feel this way inside. the trauma can be that my dad was a bad example of that so I associate masculine energy with violence and feminine energy just feels safe to me, or when I was 4? I got circumcised and there could be trauma there of being violated and the doctor was a male. I didn't know what was going on, it wasn't my choice and I was too young to understand the situation, I think it got an infection or something I'm not 100% sure, I just know that happened. I don't feel the need to be super manly whatever that means or super feminine, I feel right in the middle if that makes any sense. what do you guys think of this whole androgynous, non binary, transgender and everything else in between, is it from trauma you think or is it the kind of soul in that body? I'm curious to know what people think. thank you.