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Found 9 results

  1. My boyfriend is having financial issues Hey, good evening Haven't wrote or been on in a while, I always love it here. I love this community :). I'm having major anxiety for my bf because he is having issues with having steady work as he is an operator, but does not have a "great" job where he gets to work all year round. So his cheques have been coming up short from lack of snow(where I live it's snowy in the winter). And I'm wondering if anyone can read into my energy on this post, or have insight as to why myself am involved but not directly, and how I can overcome it, and maybe help him as well. I hate to see him suffer, and I am too. We don't live together he lives on his own, while his family is far, and I live with my mom still because I am a student. Thanks guys! Kels
  2. God is my abuser I don't know what to do. I feel like im the only person who is going thru this. if not please say something. I'm desperate, God is bullying me I went thru a really intense awakening process now God is literally emotional attacking me for example. I had sleep with this really sleazy guy that hurt my feelings real bad. And I'll see his name everywhere or when I'm thinking about suicide, he will do this all the time but here is one an example I was playing a video game and at the exact moment thought about ending my life the enemy player tells me go kill myself. Or when I'm crying scrolling thru face book to get my mind off of things. I'll see pics about being a crybaby and it's not that bad, that i should shut up. I don't know what to do, I feel trapped in hell idk what I did to deserve all this. Like how can I live in this world, where what exists in all of us is my abuser I thought this universe was based on following your joy. I really don't want to kill myself but I feel like this is my only option.
  3. Anger/Just pissed off in general Well, I'm aware I'm being negative here on this forum.. but just wanted to vent and see if anyone else is feeling any tension. Recently, I've just been so agitated and resentful, bitter, and apathetic. I know I have some resistance in certain areas where I'm trying to manifest a new job and new location to live. Nothing's transpiring and I try to do all the inner work and releasing resistance possible. I sometimes sit in mediation for 10-15 min clips like three times a day, but I'm not seeing any results externally. I've been calling upon my guides, angels, etc. Nothing. I see repeating numbers at times, but they only show up for the most random bits of insight (usually nothing that means much). It makes me feel like they only want me to do the things they want me to do. I makes me feel like I basically don't have free will. It makes me feel like their unsupportive. I've been researching new jobs and places to live for months and nothing is working out. At this point, I'm tired, careless, and hurt. I don't understand anymore. I honestly have no fucks to give about what happens on this planet. I've been screaming to any non-physical beings that can hear me that this is the absolute last time I will incarnate on this planet. It does not matter to me anymore. I don't want to participate if nothing or no one else is willing to reciprocate. I'm done buying into the system. I'm sick of the same old unconscious elderly populations trying so hard to maintain a society that does not work. To be honest, I don't have any patience or respect for them anymore (I know that sounds bad, but just being 100% honest here). I don't even want to try and help them change because they're so stubborn and unwilling to. It makes me feel like there's no hope left, like nothing matters anymore. Overall I'm just disgusted and sickened with society's still present emphasis on materialism and ego. I'm apathetic to mostly everything. Yes, I've read and watched Teal's article on Apathy. I don't want to feel anymore. I don't want to deal with my emotions, my physical body, or relationships anymore. I'm honestly sick of spiritual work. I'm exhausted waiting for the world to change and evolve so slowly and tumultuously. Does anyone else feel this way?
  4. Don't fear revenge fantasies - my experience! Hi there! A few weeks ago I purchased the Master class edition of CP Q&A- livestream, as Teal calls it. There one question caught my attention, about revenge fantasies and how the person asking of it did not allow themselves to do it. You can watch the last 15 or so minutes of the webinar to see her full explanation, but in a nutshell: many having revenge fantasies do not allow anger in themselves but instead expect themselves to be able to jump from powerlessness state up to hope and joy, but one cannot actually do that. That blew my mind as I listened to it - it makes sense! So, for anyone struggling with the idea, I shall share my CP session (the essential parts of it) that made that kind of revenge fantasies futile and they ceased to exist. So, I have had reoccurring revenge fantasies towards my ex, while that is the last thing I would want to do consciously. But nothing made it go away. So, I took the bull by its horns and triggered myself to have the emotion... Of utter powerlessness. The memory did not surface, but instead I visualized my inner child and my ex in a dark room, along with my 'current' self. I gave my child self a gun and let her loose on my ex. I think she shot around hundred rounds, straight onto my ex and made her suffer without letting her to die until she felt relieved. At every shot, she stared right into my ex, so did I. Even then, she wanted to watch the world burn, the room in this case. So, I let her to set the whole universe in FIRE and kicked her corpse. Then we sat there for quite some time, while I started to have those integration pains in the back of my brain in my physical body. Then she felt truly relieved and wanted to revive my ex, and so that happened. She left all the bullets and the ashy room there and my guardian took ex away. Then, the Safe Haven... I don't need to think how the child wants it to be, it always changes when a new aspect of me integrates. Her castle was a full-on gothic dream with the servant's clothes all gothic, and the place had black roses and icy roses. Very, very beautiful and gracefully dark! Our clothes changed from normal to full gothic, as well... The interesting part of that was how the pain in my brain and skull was present the whole latter part of the process, it moved from back to the middle and back. I stayed with that pain for 10-20 minutes or so and then returned to the present moment veeery gradually. The pain was very, very different from what I have experienced this far ANYWHERE, but yeah. Very intense, but I did not resist it in any way. I think it was literally rewiring of my neural network, the synapses making new connections and replacing old ones. That was confirmed by my guardian.. The tranquil feeling I had afterwards was just amazing. So yeah, don't be afraid of your anger - it is necessary!
  5. Feeling Unheard I feel anger when someone (mainly my husband) doesn't listen to me. I feel so unheard and that triggers the hell out of me. I really become heated, too, when I have to repeat myself to someone over and over. And yes, I attract these types of people that have cotton swabs permanently lodged in their ears. I am a teacher by trade, and I know that being in an authoritative role is my dharma, and I know that in order to master this dharma, I have to resolve this issue and become a better communicator. I am wondering if anyone else can relate, and I am open to hearing shared stories and insights.. but please please please no advice-giving. Lastly, I am really hyper-aware that this is about me, not them... and that I may be either expecting people to not hear me, or I may be communicating my messages in a way that does not get absorbed by the other person. I don't want to have to slow down my speech and dumb down my vocabulary in order to be heard... But I do want my voice to be received. Thank you for listening and hearing me
  6. These last few weeks I have been feeling very emotional. I am crying so easily at a lot of things, that which would not usually bother me. I am not pregnant, but I am experiencing a lot of energy change, and the universe is now forcing me to adjust my vibration so I can expand. But it has been very painful. I'm wondering if anyone else has been experiencing this, and how they are dealing with it.
  7. So, every so often I have a dream of being angry at my dad and in the dream I'm in a state of rage, yet in waking life I'm not like this at all however we do not connect at all, he's never taught me anything nor has my mom but this anger, I'm unsure what to do, in my childhood yes there was a ton of emotional abuse, and I do find it hard to accept his path as someone who isn't spiritual, especially living with him, so can anyone help me? How do I accept him and the things he did to me, the way he hurt me, I mean, it's hard. But I really want to integrate with myself, to see a brighter perspective
  8. Whenever Teal says to someone on her workshops that you have a lot of suppressed rage within you, I immediately resonate with it. This has been the case for a year. In the recent months I started to feel the suppressed rage. I never thought it would be this intense... It makes me want to pull my hair out, or harm myself, or throw stuff when I cannot release the rage. I don't know what to do with it.. I cannot harm anything and anyone, including me. I cannot sit with the rage either; it is harming me immensely. Like being re-fed your puke... The rage wants OUT desperately. And the feeling is so stong, I don't know how I succeed to manage it! Today, I couldn't take it anymore, so I squeezed my water bottle. That was the only thing I could do... Writing it out came to my mind. I tried it... But it is just annoying. When I write it, the rage becomes stronger and it irritates me more. I feel like I have to be "active" with my rage; not just doing some mental activity, but throw the water bottle to the wall for example... I just know that suppressing it more isn't the solution. Writing isn't either. And I don't want to harm anyone including me. But to be honest, I feel violence within me too, along with the rage. I don't like the fact that this is the case but... It's better to see it and do something about it. I don't know what to do.. I'm afraid of my own rage. Not only me, people are too. They actually see the suppressed anger in me. They say the way stare at them is scary, when I just look at them normally. My suppressed anger is realized especially when I look at a person I dislike, who disrespected me before... So.. I'm open to your thoughts, ideas and suggestions.