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Im in a weird Romatic Relatioship(s) M23, I'm in a relationship with a woman who had a boyfriend and she still wants to have both the relationships. It’s been about a year and half now with the current friendship/relationship. She lives with him and I go and visit her 3 hours away when I can. I thought that she would leave her boyfriend and that I would be with her and live with her but there is so much going on in the relationship that I can feel myself anymore. I have to connect with the other boyfriend to intentionally provide for two people's need to get approval for the other. She really wants my attention and love and constantly pulls my energy to get it. I feel emotionally, mentally, spiritually, as well as sometimes physically and sexually drained. They are both wonderful people together in their own relationships and I feel that if on their own they will do just fine. I feel the woman that I'm sexually active with is influencing us both to get what she wants and for us to feel bad when she is not happy. I want to tell her to be responsible for her own happiness and not be in the relationship any more. The feelings I have felt before I have never had in any other relationships before. The highs of love and romantic sexual desire is thought the ceiling. I'm waking up in my own spirituality and the truth of the world with the occulted knowledge that has been hidden by the powers that should not be. Both my girlfriend and her boyfriend want to stay in willful ignorance and to stay in that as long as it doesn't affect their freedom. I have brought empowering information into their hands but I can tell that they don't want to be bothered with the truth. What I want to have in life is someone life my current partner in my area living with me and wanting to grow into leaning the truth of the world. Love like my girlfriend and I have had in the past; all of the passion and all of the love with our sexual relationship and empowering each other to become our greatest versions. A lot more can be said in many different joyous and disempowering situations with my girlfriend. I’m really lost now and alone when it comes to this. I tried to reach out to others to see if I can work things out. I might need couching from someone. Could anyone help? ~N~
Do you ever feel home sick of a place or society that you've never even experienced and the outside world reminds you that you aren't there, the behavior of the people remind you that you don't live in that society. I'm having that now, I feel very lonely and it isn't the people, but I just crave that group of people existing everywhere around me. It just makes life so sad to be in I guess, like I crave these people and society, but they aren't around me and I have to suppress because I feel a lot and feel like I'm too much for people, when I just don't go towards an addiction, I just feel everything and I don't mind it. I find it hard to be me, which is sensitive and constantly evolving my beliefs and authentic, I know I'm not the only one, but the pressure from society, your family, and even your race is annoying. Its also weird to pretend like the world isn't going to change soon, and we are all going along as if life will always be this way, when we can see the ridiculousness of all of it, its a joke. I'm just having one of those weird days where I feel alone again and do not like society. the hardware is nice, the software is shit and needs a update, I'm not a fan of this old one and can't pretend to like it.
ok .. so i went to try the completion process on my self ..after watching some videos about it on how teal demonstrates the process...i decided to try it on my self ... so i first found the most feeling that is impacting my body which is a kind of fear or anxiety in my stomach that is like ...crippling my stomach ..you know that sensation of anxiety ... so i began to be present to it .. to understand it observe it ...analyse it without really doing anything but being with the feeling I've approach it from an attitude where i'm like studying the sensation and let be there as long as possible and accepting it and accepting my other emotions towards this emotion ...and then when the feeling got began to calm ...i asked the question .."when was the first time i have felt this ...." and what came up was foggy and weird so i waited and returned to focus on the feeling and after another while i asked the question again "when was the first..." and before i even complete the question somehow a memory ..pops up out of nowhere from first person perspective that was soooooooo traumatic like i couldn't stay there for long i think it was infancy .. i don;t know it was terrible scary and felt like death ... i'm too scared to be there ever again and i left the process from there the memory was so dark and foggy and the feeling of fear was so devouring crippling i felt like my stomach will be torn apart violently any minute ... i think i have traumatized my self from using the process wrong i dunno if that was a false memory from my ego or something to prevent me from doing it .. i don't know i feel like if i have done this with someone who i cant trust may be better and much safer ...but the thing is who am i going to ask this from those people around " hay could you help me integrate my being from some unknown traumatic experience ? " i could imagine the look on their face .. they could even start to think i'm crazy .. so what do you guys think i should do ?