The collective human disorder is the belief that we are not enough. The belief that “I am not enough” is the root of most (if not all) forms of illness, poverty and unhappiness on the planet today. It is this belief of pure lack of self love that filters out to create lack in all other aspects of a person’s life. Most people do not truly love themselves. So if you are one of these people who believe you are not enough and therefore do not love yourself yet… you are not alone.
For you, to say “I love myself” would feel more like lying to yourself than telling the truth. For you, to say “I love myself” would contradict your own sense of intelligence therefore, it would make you more aware of where you aren’t than make you feel good about where you are. For this reason, the process of “365 days of self love” is for you.
This process is a stepping stone which serves to help you close the gap between wherever you are and self love. Right now in the current life you are living, you most likely struggle with being sure of your decisions because the basis by which you make your decisions is not that of self love. Instead, you make your decisions based on things like principal, wanting approval or symptom relief. But in order to live the life you were meant to live, you have got to get back in touch with your own personal truth and your own personal joy. Those two things need to become the principal motivations for any decision you make. Self love needs to be the foundation which you lay first and build the details of your life upon second.
To apply this process, you need to get a calendar and mark the day you plan to begin. Then you need to mark the day you plan to end (365 days later). Then you need to make a personal commitment. For exactly a year, every single day you are going to live your life by this mantra: “What would someone who loved themselves do?” You are going to ask yourself this question any time you have to make a decision no matter how small or large. You are going to ask yourself this question whenever you have a spare minute where you have the opportunity to decide what to do with your time. Basically, all day, every day for an entire year, you will live your life according to this one simply question. When you ask this question, the answer will come to you immediately. It will come as an immediate flash of intuition. I want to talk to you for a minute about intuition. Intuition is defined as immediate insight or understanding without conscious reasoning. Many of us have learned to tune out or ignore our own intuition. Most of us have received negative messages from our parents, teachers, or peers, which caused us to doubt our own intuition. By this point in your life, your intuition has most likely been obscured by the fears and beliefs that you have erected in front of it. But the good news is, though we may shut out the messages we receive from our true self, the true self continues to give them, so it is impossible to completely lose intuition. Intuition comes with a feeling of correctness and affirmation. Intuition will come as a sudden knowing, a gut feeling, thought, image, emotion, or bodily sensation. It will be a quiet, clear and often quick impression. Even if the message of intuition is about something negative, it will come across as being delivered in a “neutral” tone. This is because genuine intuitive guidance comes from the highest of perspectives, a place of love and freedom where fear does not exist. If strong negative emotion is involved in an intuition, you should always be suspicious that you are either dealing solely with fear, or that you have clouded an intuition with fear. To truly listen for intuition means to listen with all of your senses. Intuitive messages come in many ways and they come differently to different people. You may hear the answer, or see the answer. You may just “know” the answer. You may get a physical sensation such as a chill or hot flash or feel the answer emotionally. As you practice listening and honoring your intuition you will get better at recognizing the ways by which you receive intuitive information, no matter what form it may appear in. When you ask yourself “What would someone who loved themselves do?” you are going to receive the correct answer for you personally in the form of intuition. The answer will come to you immediately. It will pop into your head. And then you are ready for the next part of the process, the part where you take action.
The action part of this process is the part which takes some courage. This is the part of the process where you are going to act on the answer you receive. You are going to heed your intuition and go in the direction of whatever your intuition has told you is in line with self love. For example, let’s say you are at home and you have a million things you could be doing but you can’t decide what the priority is. You’re going to ask yourself “What would someone who loved themselves do?” And if the answer is go take a bath, you’re going to go take a bath. Or if the answer is clean the house you’re going to clean the house. You will know if the action you were told to take is correct and in line with intuition instead of rationalizations based on how you feel. Even if you are afraid to act on the intuition… the idea of the action and subsequently taking the action will emotionally feel like relief. Relief feels good. So taking the action will feel good if you have listened to your intuition (instead of rationalizations) and made a decision based on self love instead of any other criteria. For 365 days, you are going to ask this question whenever you have to make a decision as mundane as “should I eat an apple or an orange?” and as pivotal as “should I keep my job or quit my job”. When you begin to apply this process, you will quickly find that we make decisions constantly throughout the day. The idea behind this process is of course that by the end of the 365 days, it will be habit for you to live your life in alignment with self love. What’s more, you will be incapable of living your life any other way. It will feel as unnatural to you as it really is, to live in line with anything less than self love. You will have created a new way of being. And you will be literally blown away at what has changed in your life both internally and externally.
I often refer to this process as the great shortcut. The reason is because in the field of self help, there are a million and a half modalities and techniques which exist to help us to live better lives. There are so many techniques one can use to improve one’s life that it becomes overwhelming. And in truth, they could all be abandoned for this one process. It is my belief that if people lived their entire life only by this one process, they would be led directly towards everything they are wanting, whether it is enlightenment, wealth, happiness, inner peace or freedom. That which we seek, no matter what it is, will always with no exceptions to be found via the route of self love. If we learn to love ourselves genuinely, we will embrace the whole universe. This particular process is much more profound than it seems. The process of asking “what would someone who loved themselves do?” allowing your intuition to deliver the answer then acting on the answer will expose every roadblock you have in your way which is preventing you from living the exact life that you want to live. Because of this, it will cause you to face your demons. But it will allow you to face them in a way that ensures that you will not resist them, instead you will flow around them. If you’re really committed to this practice, you will flow around your demons and problems…downstream to everything you have ever wanted for yourself and for your life. You will meet with your joy. You will meet with your purpose. You will meet with freedom. You will meet with who and what you really are. And eventually, you will know what it is to truly love yourself. And nothing, I repeat, nothing is of more paramount importance than that.
In order to go in the direction of that which we are wanting, we need to let go of things which are anchoring us to pain and resistance. When we are trying to achieve a life of happiness and health and freedom but feel as if we are stuck where we are, that is our indication that we have something to release. For this reason, the rock release process is a very beneficial healing tool. Everyone can benefit from this particular process. And it is not a process which takes much effort or brain power to complete.
To implement this process, find a body of water (such as a stream, lake or ocean) with rocks or pebbles nearby. If your body of water does not have rocks nearby, collect a big pile somewhere else and take them with you. Stand in front of the water in an isolated location where you aren’t going to injure anyone or anything and mindfully pick up a rock. Think of something which is negatively contributing to your life. This could be anything such as an event, an emotion, a person or a thought. Then imagine imbuing the rock you’ve picked up with that negative thing. Intend it as if the rock is representing and absorbing the energy of that negative thing and when you feel as if the rock contains all of the energy of that negative thing that you can possible project into it, affirm mentally and with emotional conviction that you are ready to release that thing and be done with it. Then, throw the rock as far as you possibly can into the water. Involve yourself in the process, so that when it leaves your fingers and you watch it fly through the air away from you, you can really feel it leaving your life for good. Involve yourself in the process so that when you see it disappear into the water, you feel as if the water is taking responsibility for that energy and is transforming it and carrying it away from you and for you. We all know that water is the great purifier. We can let it be the magnificent source of energy that it is and trust it to wash away our problems and attachments. Continue doing this one by one, imbuing each rock with a different negative thing until you feel as if you have nothing more to release for the day. And then, you can return home with the feeling that you are flowing downstream with life instead of getting caught facing upstream against a battering current. The emotion you will feel that is your indication that this exercise is working for you, is the feeling of relief. By taking part in this process, you will have committed to consciously letting go of anything which does not benefit you and your life any longer. You will have pulled up your anchor which is preventing you from flowing to the life you want to live.
The sky is the limit when it comes to this process, but some examples of things which could be imbued into your rock before you throw it are:
Being rejected by ___________
My belief that I’m not good enough
My mother or father
How afraid I am of ______________
What ________ did to me
How hard ___________ is
__________ kind of person
___________ aspect of society
The feeling of being powerless and victimized
__________ which is holding me back from what I want
Anyone who has had a panic attack, knows how debilitating and beyond description they can feel. They are among some of the worst experiences a person can have. Panic attacks are basically sudden episodes of intense far, which are triggered by a fearful thought (or series of thoughts) that the person having the attack is usually unaware of. The brain has no way of distinguishing between what is physical reality and what is imagined, so the fearful thought causes the body to respond as if it were in a life or death situation. The body is flooded with chemicals that are associated with the fight or flight response, such as adrenaline. The sensations felt during a panic attack would be totally normal to feel if one was running for their life from a grizzly bear for example. But panic attacks happen in situations which are seemingly normal. The emotions which occur during a panic attack seem to be happening out of context, which causes the person having the panic attack to feel as if they are out of control and going crazy. That fear of going crazy and loosing control feeds the panic attack, intensifying it to a level of fear that is unparalleled by any other kind of fear. The sensation of a panic attack is often so bad, that it causes fear of recurrent attacks. The fear of having another panic attack is sometimes bad enough to trigger another attack.
Some of the sensations associated with panic attacks are:
A feeling of surreal-ness (Being disconnected from yourself/reality)
An intense feeling of doom and danger.
Rapid heart rate
Numbness in the extremities
Tingling in hands and fingers
Shortness of breath
Chest pain and constriction
The sensation of being frozen or paralyzed
Sudden need to urinate again and again
Tightness in the throat.
To stop a panic attack, we must not ignore what is happening. We must also never forge forward with an action hoping that the panic attack will simply go away on its own. Contrary to popular belief, we will not acclimatize to the action if we ignore the intense level of fear we feel in the moment.
To complete this process follow these steps:
Close your eyes and take 5 deep, slow breaths in a row. When you breathe in, fill your lungs to their full capacity and then hold the breath for 7 seconds. When you release your breath, do so slowly.
Remind yourself what is happening by saying mentally or out loud “I am having a panic attack”, these are just heightened sensations within my body that are normal for someone having a panic attack”. This pulls your brain out of the space of catastrophic thinking. It reminds your brain that instead of actually being in a life or death situation, the reality of your current environment is the same, you are simply experiencing an emotional event.
Turn your focus inwards towards the fear and panic. This may sound counterintuitive, but it is the most important part of this process. When you do this, name the sensations and images and sounds and impressions associated with the panic. Experience the panic as if you were exploring a thing rather than a state of being. You want to describe it fully to yourself. It may help you to write down what you perceive. For example this may look like: Sensation, you feel like metal, you look like a deep chasm in a snow field. You are burning and lonely stretching from my navel to my throat. You are throbbing. It feels like you are holding me prisoner. Resisting the sensations will make them worse. Embracing them and exploring them fully will cause them to dissipate. Every symptom we experience exists so that we will pay attention to it and what it has to tell us. When you welcome the sensations, it changes your point of power and that causes the brain to stop producing stress chemicals. The sensations of a panic attack are meant to be acknowledged. What’s more than that, they must be acknowledged in order to be processed.
Make a direct request to your body to make the sensations get louder and become…more. Once you have made this request, continue to stay with the sensations and write down any additional perceptions you may have about the experience of the panic attack. This step takes the previous step even further. It removes all remaining resistance that you have to the panic attack. It ensures that the fear is no longer being fed by mental resistance. And when we no longer feed fear with resistance, it disappears. On top of this, your confidence will kick in because you will realize that you have control over the experience. The experience is not what has control over you.
Ask the sensation what it needs you to know. Look deeply into the experience of the panic attack for what it is trying to tell you. For example, your panic attack may say to you “You’re ignoring me, I don’t want to do what you’re trying to make me do. Why are you forcing yourself to do something that doesn’t feel good?” Acknowledge that you hear it and what’s more than that, that you have gratitude for its expression. After all, like any emotion, it is giving you accurate feedback about what you are focused upon and whether that focus was right for you or wrong for you personally. If your focus has led to a panic attack, then you know definitively that the thought you chose to think or what you were paying attention to where not in line with your highest good and who you really are.
Look deeply to try to identify what you were thinking about or paying attention to prior to the attack. You want to re trace your mental steps back to before you were feeling the panic attack and try to identify what the trigger was.
Identify what it is that you are really afraid of. Once you’ve discovered the triggering thought or focus that caused your panic attack, delve into WHY the fear exists. You can do this by alternating the questions why would that be so bad? And what does that mean to me? So for example, if I’m experiencing a panic attack on an airplane, and I’ve identified that the trigger for my panic attack was a patch of turbulence I felt on the airplane, I can ask myself why would that be so bad? Because it causes me to feel like I’m going to plummet towards the ground. So then I ask myself what does that mean to me and why is that so bad? Because I have no control at all, I can’t go to the front of the plane and fly this plane so it feels like I’m in a metal death trap, totally out of control just waiting for however long it takes to reach the ground for my inevitable painful death. Then I can ask myself what does that mean to me? It means I have no control and bad things can happen to me at any moment. Then I can ask myself, and why would that be so bad? Because… It means that I am powerless. In this scenario, I am powerless is a core belief which I’ve just discovered. It is the very belief responsible for why I have become a match to the physical experience of being in a situation where I feel powerless. This helps me to know that what I need to focus on in my life in general is changing my belief relative to victimhood. I need to discover new thoughts to hold and new actions to take which feed my awareness of my own personal power. This also lets me know that in this moment, I need to change my focus relative to riding in an airplane.
Look for evidence and proof that undermines the thought you were thinking as well as thoughts which feel better to think relative to whatever triggered the panic attack. Our realities are made up of our beliefs. Our beliefs are the result of thoughts we think over and over and subsequent evidence we have used to strengthen the validity of those thoughts. In order to experience a different reality, we must change our beliefs. In order to change our beliefs, we must change our thoughts and what we pay attention to. We must find holes in the evidence we were using to back up old beliefs and thoughts and find new evidence that backs up new beliefs and thoughts. If we were to use the previous example of flying in an airplane, I have most likely been focused on anything that would strengthen my belief that flying in an airplane means certain death. In order to shift this, I must look to undermine that belief by searching for holes in the evidence I was using previously to back up that belief. As well as look for new evidence and thoughts which strengthen a new thought such as airplanes are a safe, easy way to get from where I am to my destination. In other words, I have to begin to deliberately find any thoughts and proof that feel good to think and look at relative to the subject of flying in an airplane. For example: I can talk to a pilot about planes and reach to better understand the physics of flight. I can ask them to abate my fears about the potentials of an out of control crash. I can do an internet search under the title flying is safe. And subsequently read any articles that reinforce the idea that flying in an airplane is a safe mode of travel. I may choose to go get a pilots license. That way, I am unlikely to feel out of control in an airplane. Rather, I know exactly how to operate one. I can also compile a list of thoughts that feel good to think relative to flying in an airplane. For example: Air planes get safe and safer every year the better our technology gets, pilots are trained for hours and hours for all kinds of emergency situations so I am in good hands. The news only reports on the one plane that crashes, not the millions upon millions of lights every year that are perfectly normal and safe and easy. Etc.
If you know you have a lot of fear relative to an action you’ve already decided to take (like flying) then it can be very helpful to compile a list of positive thoughts relative to that action before hand so that you can attune yourself to those thoughts right out of the gate. This way, if you feel yourself starting to focus negatively, you can take out that list again and get yourself focused positively. This decreases the likelihood that you will spiral into a panic attack.
It is impossible to have a panic attack when you are positively focused. This is because your emotion is your indication of your focus (thoughts). The reason that severe emotional events such as panic attacks seem to come “out of the blue”, is because we think from a first person perspective. Meaning we think so quickly and live in the first person perspective so much that we are not often aware of what thoughts we’re thinking. We do not observe ourselves thinking. And so when a thought or series of thoughts comes up, we do not recognize the thoughts that caused the emotional response within us, instead we recognize the result, which is the emotional sensation.
I promise you that it is within your power to stop a panic attack. It is also within your power to think in such a way that they do not even occur in the first place. In time, your body, which is always re inventing itself and coming into alignment with health, will no longer be predisposed towards panic attacks. And in the process, not only will your panic attacks have taught you some very valuable lessons about yourself. They will also be responsible to catalyzing you in the direction of what is right for you. Towards your joy.
When we find ourselves in a negative space, the idea of trying to jump from that place of negativity to a place of positivity seems impossible. And as far as vibration is concerned, asking ourselves to do that is like asking ourselves to jump the Grand Canyon. For this reason, it is very valuable to create a bliss box. You want to create a bliss box when you are already in a good mood. The reason I say this is that the things which go in this bliss box need to resonate with a high vibration. When you are in a low vibrational state, you will find that you are UN able to come up with or be drawn to many of the things which make up a bliss box because you are not in the vibrational vicinity of them. The law of attraction which is the strongest law in the universe ensures that a person who is in a low vibrational state will be dawn towards and attract negative people, things and thoughts. While a person who is in a positive state, will be drawn towards positive people, things and thoughts. For this reason the bliss box will be much, much easier to created and will turn out much better when you’re already in a positive vibrational state. This process is sort of like letting your best self create a tool of healing for your worst self, or letting your highest vibrational self show love to and guide your lowest vibrational self towards the light.
For this process you want to find a large, covered container. Choose a container that in and of itself evokes positive emotion within you. In this Bliss box, you want to begin to accumulate things that feel good to you. Collect anything that raises your vibration.
Examples of things to keep in this bliss box include but are in no way limited to:
Movies or self help DVDs that are inspiring or funny or that just make you feel good.
A list or book of jokes
A collection of your favorite inspirational sayings
A collection of pictures that make you happy
Cut outs from magazines that make you feel good
Images you’ve printed off of the computer that feel good to look at
A collection of music that is pre selected that when played, shifts your mood
Small items such as crystals or rocks, figurines, or a stuffed animal.
Books that uplift you
Art that makes you feel good
Pens and paper or a paint/drawing set which you can take out and begin expressing yourself with.
Vision boards or “future collages”.
A gratitude journal (to force yourself to begin to shift into appreciation instead of lack)
A positive aspects journal (to force yourself to pivot from a negative focus to a positive focus relative to any subject in your life)
A list of positive self-assets (forces positive self focus)
A list of as many things as you can think of that you know raise your vibration that you can’t fit in the box. For example, places or things to do like: The theatre, dancing, yoga, the beach, camping, horse back riding, cooking etc. You can pick one off of the list to go do.
Letters of e mails or cards that people have written you that feel good to read.
Awards or metals or diplomas that make you feel successful
Aroma therapy tools
Color therapy tools
Images or other things that represent trips/vacations you intend to take
A list of internet videos or sites which make you feel good to watch such as: stand up comedy, positive news networks, engagements, funny pets etc. Make yourself get up and go directly to one or several.
A list of contacts of people who are supportive and who you know make you feel better. If you really need company, call people from this list to go do something with.
A list of indulgences and simple pleasures which are in line with your highest good. An example of an unhealthy indulgence would be alcohol or binge eating. An example of a positive indulgence that you seldom partake in would be, a favorite snack or a bubble bath or a massage. Take the time to go indulge in whatever you choose off the list and focus on the experience and only the experience (no multi tasking).
A list of simple changes you can make that you know help you to mentally “re-set”. Examples of this might include: Re arranging your furniture in your living space, cleaning your home or car or deliberately scheduling an off day. Any kinds of change we can make even if it is only to our living space help us to feel UN –stuck. And shifts our point of power back to our own control.
A list of random acts of kindness. You can choose one off of the list to go do. You would not believe how fast doing something nice for someone else shifts you into a good mood about life and yourself.
The point of the bliss box is that when we get into a negative state, it is very difficult to put forth the effort to work our way into a positive space. With a bliss box, all you need to do is to give yourself permission and put forth the effort to do one thing: Go find the bliss box. Rifling through the bliss box and distracting yourself from what you were focused on before, in and of itself stops the mental and emotional snowball into negativity. The hard work (initiating change) will have already been done. Each time you focus on something that evokes positive emotion from you, more thoughts and things which evoke positive emotion from you will be drawn to your attention. And you will soon find yourself feeling better. At which point, any action you take thereafter will come from a positive emotional state and not a negative emotional state. Because of this; the action you take will yield positive results.
The sky is the limit when it comes to Bliss boxes. They are as original as the people who make them. So be very honest with yourself while making it. Make sure you only include things in this box that genuinely make you feel good. Not things that you like the idea of more so than the reality of. Train yourself to go find and go through your bliss box whenever you begin to feel yourself spiral into a negative space. You will be amazed at how quickly this tool helps you to shift from negative to positive.
Discovering and Expressing the Whole Truth. A process for expression and communication
The only thoughts and emotions you can heal, are the ones you let yourself feel and express. Life is like a magnifying glass. It reflects old pain and conflicts which are unhealed over and over again until that pain and conflict is healed. And nothing acts as more of a magnifying glass to your “unhealed” aspects than relationships, especially relationships which involve love. Love is a transformative vibration. It is the highest vibration which exists within the universe. Because of this, love is a stark contrast to anything unlike itself. Meaning, when love is involved, everything unloving and un-accepting and fearful about you is flushed to the surface and is suddenly easily seen. This is the real reason that our relationships which can start out very enjoyable, often turn into our greatest sources of pain. The closer you get to loving yourself, the more your old, repressed thoughts, beliefs and emotions will surface. The same goes for relationships. The closer you get with someone else, the more your old, repressed thoughts, beliefs and emotions will surface.
The very purpose of relationships is to canvass every part of you that is not in line with love so that you can heal it and become a more whole being in and of yourself. Anytime problems or conflicts arise in your life (most especially in your relationships), there is more to the story than meets the eye. We will only ever get to the root of the problem or conflict if we are discovering and admitting the complete truth to ourselves. We will only have harmonious relationships if we learn to express the complete truth to the people we love. There are 5 basic parts which make up the complete truth in any given conflict. They are (in this order):
Most of the time, we only allow ourselves to be aware of and express one part of the complete truth. For example, if we go out in our car and get rear ended, we may immediately get really, really angry and blame the person who rear ended us. We may only let ourselves and others become aware of the anger part of the truth about how we feel about getting rear ended. When really the complete truth is much more complex and involves thoughts which correspond to all of the emotions listed above. Or, we may only let ourselves be aware that we are hurt or afraid due to a specific conflict, but never let ourselves and others become aware of the anger we feel. It is a natural defense and a behavior which we learn in our formative years, to only allow ourselves to explore and express certain aspects of the complete truth and not others. But healing comes from knowing and expressing all of it.
To do this exercise on your own, you can either use a piece of paper or sit in front of a mirror. Pick something from your life or relationships that is really bothering you. And I want you to address each “part” of the complete truth relative to that thing that is really bothering you by answering these questions in the exact order that they are listed here. If you are using paper, you can write the answers down. If you are using a mirror, speak them out loud to yourself. Do not move on from one part (such as anger) to the next part (such as pain) unless you feel that you have expressed and exhausted all thoughts and emotions that correspond to that specific part. And do not try to suppress any emotions that come up. Emotions are healthy. Let yourself get really mad, let yourself cry, let yourself feel hope. Let yourself fully experience whatever emotions come to the surface without judgment.
Anger What am I angry about? What/Whom do I blame and why? Whom/What do I feel resentment for and why? It makes me so mad when…
I’m completely fed up with… I hate…
Pain What about this makes me so sad? I am so hurt by… I feel so disappointed that…
What about this makes me so afraid? I’m scared that… It scares me when… Why does it scare me? What about this makes me feel insecure? What is the deep wound hiding underneath the anger and sadness? What painful thing does this situation remind me of?
I regret… I’m sorry that… What part of this situation do I take responsibility for? I didn’t mean to… I understand that… I know sometimes I… What do I want forgiveness for?
Deep down, I have the purest of intentions and they are… Deep down, in my heart, I want… I promise to… What are some solutions to this situation that I can think of? I hope that… I feel gratitude for I forgive… What do I appreciate? What love is beneath all of this that needs to get out and be heard?
Here is an example of someone using this process to tell the complete truth:
Scenario: I just got rear ended in traffic
I can’t believe that I just got run into; this day could not get any worse! I hate that idiot. I hate people. I hate when people don’t pay attention. People like that don’t deserve to drive cars. He should have his license revoked. He just ruined my day. I’m completely fed up with how stupid people are. It makes me so mad when I don’t do anything wrong and I still suffer the consequences. This is so unfair. I feel like killing him.
It makes me sad that people get hurt in this world when they don’t deserve it. It makes me sad that in my life the second I think things are going ok, something goes wrong. It makes me wonder what I did to deserve this. I am so hurt by the fact that it feels like other people have things go right for them, but nothing goes right for me. I’m sad that this car I love is damaged and that I get to drive around embarrassed because by car is dented in. It makes me look like an idiot. I feel sad that it feels like no one cares about other people enough to be careful. Honestly it feels like no one cares about me. I’m so disappointed that I’m going to miss my movie because I have to sit here and talk to the police now. I’m so disappointed that this night which I thought was going to go so well, has gone terribly. That just hurts. It hurts really, really bad.
I’m so afraid that life isn’t meant to be happy. I’m afraid that life is supposed to be about suffering. I’m afraid that I’m just here to suffer until I die. I’m afraid that if I find out that life is about suffering, I will fall into a deep depression and probably commit suicide. I’m afraid that I have no control over what happens to me. That one day everything can be going ok and the next, you can loose everything. I’m afraid that I can’t love anything or anyone because I feel like I’m going to loose it. And I feel powerless. I’m afraid that I am powerless to the world and to other people. That’s really the wound that is underneath it all, is that I feel powerless to other people just like I did when my father came home drunk and beat me up. One second I’d be watching TV and everything would be fine and the next, for no reason, he’d come in and start beating on me and I was so little, I couldn’t do anything about it.
I understand that I have no idea of whether or not it is true that life means suffering. It is possible that I only feel that way because of my early experiences with my father. It is possible that I think that way so often that I only make myself a match to seeing proof that life means suffering. I regret that I got angry at the man driving that car. He’s probably having a terrible day to. It isn’t like he wanted to run into me. I take responsibility for the fact that I have not fully resolved my beliefs about being a victim, and so I’m still a match to things like this that make me feel like a victim. I know that getting into accidents is a risk I take even getting into a car. I didn’t mean to get so mad. I didn’t mean to take all of this fear which has to do with my childhood out on a total stranger. I know sometimes I don’t act like who I really am. Who I really am is a compassionate person who doesn’t let anger and fears control my actions. I want forgiveness for the fact that I reacted so strongly. I want forgiveness for the fact that I made his life way worse today. I want forgiveness for the fact that I added to the problem instead of helped solve it.
Deep down, my intention is to help everyone feel better, including myself. Deep down, my intention is to heal the part of me that feels like a victim and feels like this world is a scary, bad place to be so I can find happiness. Deep down my intention is not to feel like I have to control everyone and everything, but that I can trust myself to create only good things for myself. Deep down I intend to know my own power and ability to create the reality I want. Deep down in my heart, I want to know this world is a beautiful, good place to be and that I can make it even more that way with my own actions. I promise to address my fears and limiting beliefs so I can heal them instead of go on living a less than happy life. I promise to admit to myself that behind all anger is fear, and look for that fear before getting angry at someone else. I hope that the man who ran into me is not unhappy all day. I hope that he lets himself off the hook, because everyone makes mistakes. I forgive him for making a mistake. I feel grateful that it has been brought to my attention that I have a wound deep down inside me that wants to be healed. I appreciate the fact that I am safe and the driver who ran into me is safe. It could always be a lot worse. I’m grateful my car is still drivable. I feel grateful that the driver took responsibility for his mistake. Honestly, I love other people and I want them to be happy. I want this world to be a happy place to be where we can make mistakes and learn from them, without being rejected or getting punished. Honestly something deep within me just knows there is something better here for me and that the world can actually be beautiful.
There is not a single situation that can’t be addressed using this process. It is a profoundly liberating and enlightening process. You will find that along with the fact that you have discovered the root of the conflict (which is always about suppressed fear and deep wounds), the emotional purge which has taken place during this exercise, will help you to feel a profound sensation of relief. It is quite common to feel exhausted after this exercise because you have let go to a degree you are not used to. You have let go of the emotional charge and the need to put forth energy to conceal the insecurity beneath the anger and hurt. As well as let yourself flow in the direction of love and forgiveness.
“Getting To the Root” in Relationships
It is important first and foremost that we are honest with ourselves, but second only to that is the importance of telling the complete truth to others. Nearly every single communication problem in relationships stems from communicating only part of the truth (only one part of the five parts of the truth of a situation) instead of the complete truth (all five parts of the truth of a situation). For this reason, this “getting to the root” process is an absolutely priceless one to use in order to achieve harmony in your relationships. Ideally, when any emotional tension or conflicts arise in a relationship, both people involved in the conflict will commit to sitting down and practicing this process instead of engaging in any other type of communication.
To apply this process in a relationship, both people involved in a conflict sit down facing one another. One person begins by placing the questions (above) which apply to the five part process somewhere which is easy to see (so they can refer to them frequently). The other person does not get to talk during the entire process. They simply practice active listening. They don’t interrupt or defend themselves. They don’t say anything. They just sit back, give the other person their full attention and observing the process with the intention of fully understanding them. The person who goes first, goes through the same process as was described above, beginning with anger then moving to pain, fear, understanding and then love. Expressing any feelings and answering any questions pertaining to the specific part of the process they are at. However, this is not done silently or on a piece of paper. Instead, the truth is communicated directly to the other person (the one who is listening) out loud. When the process is complete, it is now the other person’s turn. While the first person now listens, the second person must begin all the way back at the top with their anger and go through the entire process as well.
Here is an example of someone using this process to tell the complete truth in a relationship:
Scenario: My partner blatantly “eyed up” another woman
I can’t believe you would ogle another woman when I’m with you. I’m so incredibly blown a way that you would be such a total jack ass in public and embarrass me in that way. How dare you expect fidelity out of me when you treat me that way? I hate men that are misogynistic. I can’t believe I am still committed to you sometimes when it is so obvious that you aren’t committed to me. I resent the fact that if the tables were turned, you would not put up with me looking at another man. I’m completely fed up with our relationship.
It hurts me so badly that you don’t look at me like that anymore. It kills me inside when you make it obvious that you don’t find me attractive anymore. It makes me feel terrible to watch you look at other women like I wish you looked at me. It makes me so sad to feel as if you aren’t proud of me. I feel so disappointed that this relationship which I thought would always be wonderful hasn’t been lately. I used to feel like I was special to you and now, I feel as if you take me for granted and I’m not special to you anymore.
I’m afraid that you aren’t attracted to me anymore. And I’m afraid that if I’m not attractive anymore, then I’ll be worthless to you. I’m afraid that if you meet someone that you are more attracted to, that you will leave me. I’m afraid that I’m ugly. It scares me to think that the beautiful thing we had and everything we’ve been through together could just fade away because the grass looks greener on the other side. I’m afraid that I’m not good enough. I’m afraid that I’ll always fall short. And that makes me wonder if I’m maybe… worthless? And that feeling reminds me of the first person I ever loved. I was in high school and we were dating, but he met another girl who was prettier than me and broke up with me to be with her and asked her to the prom and because of that, no one took me to the prom. Instead, I sat at home feeling like no one would ever love me. Feeling like I would never be worth half of what prettier girls are worth. Feeling so rejected. And that hurt me so bad. It broke my heart.
I understand the urge to look at someone who is attractive. It’s hard not to. I understand that it can be hard to be with me when I am so insecure. I know that to you, it can sometimes feel as if you’re walking on egg shells. I’m sorry for that. I don’t want it to be like that between us. I know that you think that insecurity is a turn off. So I know that if I was more secure, you’d probably be looking at me instead of other women. I am sorry that I am always expecting you to leave me. I imagine to you, it may feel like no matter what you do, it is never enough for me to trust you. I imagine the fact that you know I don’t trust you to be committed to me, may make you feel like I’m not fully committed to you. I’m sorry that I don’t share with you how hard it is for me to love myself. I didn’t mean to react so strongly. I didn’t mean to let that ruin our evening together. I understand that I am taking my insecurities out on you. And I want you to forgive me for the fact that I feel so bad about myself and for the fact that I am so sensitive.
I want to look beautiful to you. I want you to be proud of me and to want to be with me and no one else. I want to love myself and feel like I am worthy and I promise to do whatever it takes to gain self esteem. I promise to learn how to love myself so I am not so sensitive and insecure. Because that is not how I want to be. I love you so much. I care about you so much that I want you to want me. I want to catch your eye still no matter how long we’ve been together. I promise to not take you for granted either. My intention is to trust you completely. I don’t want you to feel like I expect you to fail me. I hope that we can always express ourselves around each other and feel comfortable around each other instead of like we are walking on egg shells. Appreciate every minute I get to spend with you when we are happy. I appreciate it so much when you tell me that you love me and when you tell me that I look good. I feel so lucky that I’m with someone who I know deep down wouldn’t ever want to hurt me. The truth underneath it all is that I love you, you’re the most important person in my life and your opinion matters to me.
Communicating the entire truth (especially the root of a conflict) helps us to release suppressed feelings and heal old pain. It knocks down the walls we erect between each other. It also ensures that our emotional energy is released instead of built up. Emotional tension which is left to build up within us corrodes relationships and leads to unhealthy behaviors within relationships. It is possible to use our relationships as grounds to heal. In order to do this, we must allow the reflection and magnification of our un-healed parts to surface. Once they surface, we must admit to them, express them and move them into a space of healing. If we are committed to doing this, our relationships can be an integral part of finding freedom and love within ourselves. Our relationships will be harmonious and fulfilling instead of a source of pain.
All too often in our busy, modern lives, our brains run away with us. We buy into the physical reality hologram to such a degree that we “tune out” the much bigger, but more subtle forces that are at play in our lives. We try to control external conditions in order to find happiness and we live according to our linear, logical minds. This kind of living prevents intuition. It is a lifestyle of control and judgment instead of allowing and perception. For this reason, the process of the “Surrender Walk” is very valuable if you are trying to move from intellect to intuition. It is a great process to use if you are trying to develop intuition or let go of the need to compulsively control and logically understand everything in your life. It is a process that cultivates an internal state of allowing and alignment. Allowing and alignment are two keys which are indivisible from one another, that unlock the door to living a happy life.
To apply this process you are going to go on a walk. You are not going to plan any aspect of this walk. You are going to open the door and internally ask yourself which direction you feel drawn towards. When you feel the pull in one direction or another, just start putting one foot in front of the other. You are literally going to give your spirit the reigns to go wherever it pleases. If you feel compelled to turn circles, you are going to do that (the spirit does not necessarily like to walk in a straight line). Any time you find yourself at a crossroads, you are again going to ask “where now?” internally and continue following the inspiration by letting your logical mind take a back seat and simply observe where you go. You are not going to set any time limits. You will return home when you feel the inspiration to return home. But yet again, you are going to take whatever path your spirit decides to take. On this walk, you are going to simply observe what you come across. Just like a person who is taking a complete back seat to the experience, you are going to take a back seat to the universe and let it surprise you. Let it tell you where you are meant to go. You might just be surprised by what you are lead to and what surprises will be on the path during this walk. While you are on this walk, you are going to take a mental note of everything you pass that pleases you. You can begin to list them in your head such as: I love the color of that car, I love the way the air feels against my face, I love the fact that I’m doing something completely new for me, I love the way the light reflects off of that water etc. If you come across something that displeases you, you are going to withdraw your attention from it and place your attention on something that does please you to look at. This positive focus will make it so that the universe can line you up (on this walk) with more things that are a match to that positive frequency and therefore more things that please you. This universe is self governed by the law of attraction. If you were to hold your attention on negative thoughts or things during the walk, the universe would be limited so as to only be able to line you up (on your walk) with things that are a match to that negative frequency and therefore, more things that displease you.
If you find that your logical mind tries to interfere, simply stop, close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Follow the breath with your attention in and out, in and out. And then open your eyes and begin again.
The more often you are able to do this process, the easier and more rewarding it becomes. The universe responds immediately to the fact that you are letting it in and will provide all kinds of surprises for you. On top of that, you will find that you are getting much better at listening to your intuition and acting on the feeling of inspiration. When you get proficient at recognizing and surrendering to your intuitive impulses during the surrender walks, you will find that it is much easier to recognize and surrender to your intuition in day to day life. It will begin to feel as if you have an internal compass which is directing you impeccably throughout your life.
How can it be that the things which cause us the most pain are blessings in disguise? After all, there are things which a person can experience in life which are incomprehensible, things that are so horrific and so unimaginably hard that there is no way to convey them. There are things that a person can experience in life that they never come back from. If they do not physically die, a part of them dies and their life changes forever. To understand how all things come to bless us, we must understand the design of the physical dimension itself.
The physical dimension was designed as a kind of full sensory mirror; a hologram into which a being could project forth over and over again in various forms in order to have a 3D experience of its own thoughts. We call this 3D experience a manifestation. The immersion experience into its own thoughts was meant to help the being come to preferences (desires). It was intended that once the idea form of those preferences came to fruition that the being would then focus purely on the new idea and thus, the 3D hologram would shift to reflect the new idea. And from there the process would begin again and continue endlessly in each life until the being decided that the hologram no longer served in their own expansion in which case they would withdraw their consciousness and cease to engage in the hologram.
The physical dimension was designed to help the consciousness that has been so often called God, to understand itself. Through every thought you think and every new idea you give birth to, God not only knows what to become, but also what it is. And as our consciousness expands, the physical hologram begins to reflect the higher dimensional, universal truths that exist beyond it.
Every single physical manifestation whether we call it good or bad, is meant to do one thing… Help us to create and comprehend new dimensions of understanding. In other words, help us to learn. It does this by helping us to come to new desires. Our job is to figure out what it is that we are meant to learn from those manifestations and what it is that we desire based on the experience of those manifestations. After that, our job is to focus on what we desire (the new idea). This is where we ran into a speed bump. In the beginning of our incarnation into the physical dimension, we all knew that we would create the hologram of our realities with our mind. It was decided collectively by those observing the physical dimension that this “knowing” was holding back expansion instead of serving it. It was decided that if oneness can only be understood from the perspective of separateness… Then coming into the physical dimension consciously knowing about our connection to God and knowing that we create our own realities with our minds was not enough. It was decided that we could not understand nor desire oneness (that which we really are) unless we came into the physical hologram with a kind of amnesia. At that point, the beings that chose to project themselves into the physical hologram collectively chose to deactivate certain aspects of their DNA. They consciously affected the interface between non physical and physical perspective so the hologram could feel more real and thus inspire us more accurately and intensely towards new desires. They chose to affect the interface so we could fully experience what it was to be separate and thus find our way to the understanding and desire of that which we truly are, which is one.
The problem (really the solution) which occurred when they did this is that collectively, humans in their perspective of disconnection began to believe fully in the hologram. After all, they had de-activated their awareness of what was beyond it. The hologram therefore became more and more real. Humans began to believe that they did not create their own reality. Instead, they began to believe that reality happened to them. They decided that it was important to accept a static reality, that owning up to reality and studying it according to a Newtonian understanding, was the only way to prevent disaster and pain. Given this new understanding (or lack of understanding), people began to focus on the negative manifestations of the hologram even after the negative manifestations had caused them to give rise to a preference (positive idea). The manifestations of disconnection (war, illness, loss and victim-hood) were getting more and more extreme. Just extreme enough that the desire to know what was beyond the physical and to feel connected instead of disconnected was hatched by a few individuals. When they focused on those new desires, the means by which to re-activate the portion of their DNA which had been de-activated came to them. Their hologram began to reflect their new desires and understanding and they went on to teach others about their “awakening”. Jesus was one such being. Buddha was one such being. There have been many. You have called them by a great many names. But now it is your turn. It is your turn to see beyond the hologram, your turn to experience the freedom of creation and understanding, your turn to reactivate your own dormant layers of DNA.
Why do you worry? Because you are not yet convinced that you create your own reality. You have not looked deep enough to see that you do. And so, it is survival instinct for you to give attention to what you do not want because if you prepare for (or are at least aware of) the worst case scenario, it will not blind side you, and therefore it will not hurt so badly. What you do not know is that your reality is becoming the exact reflection of whatever you give your attention to. In your worry, you weave the fabric of reality to reflect the image of your own horror and pain.
How can it be that spiritual teachers can simultaneously say that we are all one, that not a single rain drop falls that does not effect us all, while at the same time saying that we create our own individual realities where no one can impose themselves upon us? It is because this physical reality is a subjective time space reality. This is a learning hologram which serves expansion. While oneness is an objective truth, to understand oneness, we must holographically be able to experience separation from one another. For some who have already expanded past the separation, they have chosen to come back into life with their perceptual instruments (senses) wired towards perceiving the interconnectedness of the universe. For some, this life will be the life in which their perception opens up to include this truth. For others, it will be many lives before they desire their way into the experience of this truth. Only when you open up to the higher dimensional truth of interconnectedness can the hologram which you call life reflect it and prove it to you. When this happens, the only life to live is a life of compassion. You will not be able to bring pain to anyone else without suffering. All are affected with every thought and movement. But not all focused into the physical hologram perceive that yet. Their realities can not provide them that experience yet.
Our collective reality will contain suffering as long as we do not open ourselves up wide enough to see the interconnectedness of this universe. Our collective reality will contain suffering as long as we do not open ourselves up wide enough to live our lives with compassion. It is all too easy once you open up to compassion, to virtually drown in the pain of what we have collectively created here in this hologram. It is all too easy to let it drag us into lending energy to the belief that this world is broken and dark and wrong. Beings that live with compassion are met with the world’s suffering all day every day. But those beings that are open enough to the even higher truths of this universe do not let themselves drown in the suffering that surrounds them. Instead they vow to constantly transform that darkness into light. They understand that one minute of joy for one person, is in fact one minute of joy for us all. Because of this understanding, they are constantly converting suffering into joy, hatred into love and powerlessness into limitless freedom. The questions they ask in the face of suffering are the questions you must ask if you are to understand how it can be that your greatest pain is a blessing in disguise. The process of finding light at the end of the tunnel is to ask and answer these questions:
How did I make myself a match to this?
What am I meant to learn from this?
What is this pain causing me to know that I want?
What is the positive which has come or could possibly come from this?
These four simple questions are like threads with which to weave your way towards enlightenment. With them you will come to understand this universe. With them, you can learn to lead a wonderful life. The mysteries of your deepest pains can be exposed as the seeds of your greatest joys. And you will make an enemy of pain no longer. You will cease to convert pain into suffering as you do now. And all will stand in gratitude to…you. For in your greatest experience of freedom and joy, you set each and every single one of us free.
All pain on this planet occurs for one reason. The reason is that people believe their thoughts. The mind believes what it thinks until those thoughts are questioned and changed. The thought “I am alone” is just a thought. When it becomes painful, is when it becomes real to us. When it becomes painful to us is when we believe that it is true and we act as if it were true. If we pay close attention to how we feel and react when we believe a thought and then we can know whether that thought is helping or hurting us. If it is hurting us, we can know that the thought is not really true. Objective truth (the perspective your higher self offers) will never feel painful to you. If you are feeling bad as a result of a thought, that is your indication that the thought does not reflect Objective truth. Instead, it merely represents a subjective truth and a harmful one at that.
If we imagine what kind of person we would be, how our life would look and how we would feel if we did not believe the thought (or better yet did not have the thought in the first place), we can begin to see the practical value in questioning and changing our thoughts.
This process helps you to question your thoughts in a way that causes the firm belief in your thoughts to dissolve. When this occurs, you can start to look for evidence that the thought itself is not true. When your belief in the painful thought dissolves enough to allow you to realize that it is not true… the pain subsides. Not only does this process work to dissolve pain, it is a process that also enables you to see just how mutable and subjective reality really is.
To begin this process you start with a thought. Any thought. For example: He/She made me feel bad. Then you ask yourself if you can know that “he/she made me feel bad” is 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt true? When you ask yourself this question, you will most likely feel doubt begin to seep up into your surety. Even though you may still believe he/she made you feel bad now you aren’t completely 100% sure! If the answer is yes, let it be yes. If the answer is no, let it be no.
Then you take the original statement and you reverse it. There are multiple ways you can reverse a thought.
You can reverse it back on yourself,
You can reverse it back on the other person,
You can reverse it to the opposite
You can reverse it to a statement of allowing/wanting (This is a particularly good reversal technique to use on feeling statements like “I feel embarrassed” or “I don’t ever want to feel embarrassed again”. Given the above example of he/she made me feel bad, you can reverse it back on yourself by saying: “I made myself feel bad”, you can reverse it back on the other person by saying: “I made him/her feel bad”. You can reverse it to its opposite which is: “He/She didn’t make me feel bad or he/she made me feel good.” You can reverse it to allowing by saying “I’m willing to feel bad”. “Or/And I look forward to feeling bad”. When you’re dealing with a particularly strong belief, it is good to apply every reversal technique to the one statement. Once you’ve come up with the reverse statement, you look for as many genuine examples that you do believe of how that reverse statement is true for you. Come up with a minimum of four examples. The reverse statement we are going to use for this example: He/She didn’t make me feel bad or he/she made me feel good. If I was to come up with examples to substantiate He/She didn’t make me feel bad or he/she made me feel good. It might look something like this:
In reality it’s my choice to believe what he/she said so it was my choice to hurt myself by believing what he/she said.
He/She gave me an opportunity to see a belief of mine out in the open that I want to change and this means that they are an integral part of my future happiness
He/She gave me an opportunity to be the person that I know I want to be and ultimately I am which is someone who does not simply react, but who seeks to understand the full truth of a situation.
He/She said what they said or did what they did because of ________. They had no intention to hurt me. I took what they did and turned it into hurt.
Their action actually had nothing to do with me it had to do with ____________.
The above example was a very “general” example. We can use this process to reverse much more specific thoughts. Here is another example:
Thought: Ted Bundy was a terrible person.
Question: Can I be absolutely 100% sure that is true?
Reverse statement: Ted Bundy wasn’t a bad person Or Ted Bundy is a good person.
Just because someone takes a bad action doesn’t mean the whole person bad. The action is bad. The person behind the action is like the universe… benevolent.
No baby is born wanting to kill someone. Babies are all born, like the universe… benevolent. His suffering created the conditions of what he did so he is not a bad person as much as he is suffering. And we all know suffering creates more suffering.
When Ted Bundy was thirteen years old, he discovered “dirty magazines” in a dump near his home. He was instantly captivated by them. In time, Bundy became more and more addicted to violent images in magazines and videos. His brain became addicted to seeing women being tortured and murdered. When his brain could no longer get a high off of the sensation of looking at images… His addiction created a biochemical urge to graduate the violent scenes from being fantasy to creating them in reality. He was the victim of his own addiction, an addiction which was not publicized at the time he was alive and an addiction which there was little help for.
Ted Bundy specifically granted an interview with James C. Dobson the day before his execution. He explained that felt he owed it to society to warn of the dangers of hard-core pornography and to explain how it had led him to murder so many innocent women and girls. He explained that while he took full responsibility for his actions and did not blame pornography for his actions, his craze to kill was always inflamed by violent pornography and his inhibitions were removed by abusing alcohol. Because of this honesty in his final hours, the dangers of pornography addiction were brought into the limelight for the world to see. He is now therefore responsible in part for potentially saving many, many lives because society became aware of this addiction and started learning about it and now there is so much more help for people who suffer from pornography addiction today. So in a round about way, he ended up helping the world.
Ted Bundy went on record as saying “I hope that those who I have caused so much grief, even if they don’t believe my expression of sorrow, will believe what I’m saying now; there are those loose in their towns and communities, like me, whose dangerous impulses are being fueled, day in and day out, by violence in the media in its various forms - particularly sexualized violence. What scares me is when I see what’s on cable T.V. Some of the violence in the movies that come into homes today is stuff they wouldn’t show in X-rated adult theatres 30 years ago. That (in reference to slasher movies) is the most graphic violence on screen, especially when children are unattended or unaware that they could be a Ted Bundy; that they could have a predisposition to that kind of behavior. There are forces at loose in this country, especially this kind of violent pornography, where, on one hand, well-meaning people will condemn the behavior of a Ted Bundy while they’re walking past a magazine rack full of the very kinds of things that send young kids down the road to being Ted Bundys. That’s the irony”. Potentially enough of these circumstances where in society clearly sees the link between violence in virtual entertainment and violence in reality, will lead to a society which instead used virtual entertainment to fuel a peaceful reality. If this is the case, Ted Bundy and his victims were co creators of a future that is good.
Ted Bundy felt very powerless and empty in general which meant that moving from that space into violent actions where he dominated his victims felt like relief to him. What that means is the entire reason for doing what he did came from one desire… to feel better. He wanted, like all of us to be happy. And while he was “wrong” about what would ultimately cause him to feel better, one can not say that the motivation at the deepest root of all of his crimes (to feel relief) was a bad motivation. It is the same motivation all of us have.
Pay very close attention to the way your emotion and pain changes when you shift your perspective to consider the reverse of your thoughts. When you do this, you will begin to notice that when you’re thinking changes, the pain you feel changes. The reason for this is that emotion is the biochemical reflection of the vibration of a thought. Emotion reflects thought! If you change a thought, the reflection of that thought changes.
We all have thoughts in our life that remain unquestioned. We all have thoughts which we simply accept as true. But an unquestioned thought… is the fertile ground for suffering. Most of us alive today, do not prioritize changing our perspective and beliefs regarding what we are thinking. Because of this most of us do not know the value of changing our perspective and beliefs. We do not know the relief it can bring. But if we do consciously set out to try a different perspective and change our beliefs, we quickly discover how life changing the process is. After this, clinging to our painful thoughts is not only negligent, it is self abusive. We do not need to identify with our thoughts. Our thoughts are not us. Our thoughts either create the kind of world we want to be living in or a kind of world which we want to escape. When our minds are closed, our hearts are closed. But the reverse is true, when our minds are open, our hearts are open. This revelation leads to a very interesting conclusion which has great implication in our spiritual practice… If we want to move through this world with an open heart which is an integral part of cultivating happiness, we much open our minds by questioning our thinking.
Some other examples of thoughts which you might want to address using this reversal process are:
My children should do what I say
He/She hates me
Life is hard
I made a mistake
The world needs to be saved
I’m not good enough
I don’t deserve________ .
Something bad is going to happen if________.
My parents didn’t love me
Success takes hard work
Money doesn’t grow on trees
The world is a dangerous place
No one appreciates me
________ is bad.
People are hopeless
It’s my fault
It’s ________ fault.
I’m the victim
I need to protect my child
I deserve to be punished
I don’t deserve to be happy
I can’t be happy if__________ isn’t happy.
The sky is the limit regarding this particular process. There is no such thing as a belief that can’t be undermined. (Yes… including the one I’ve just put forth). But the purpose of this process is to help you find alignment by removing the strong belief you have in the thoughts that cause you pain. The thoughts that cause you pain are the ones that do not resonate with your higher self. The thoughts that cause you pain, are the ones to let go of.
Almost all processes are designed to help us deliberately change the way we feel by using our mind to manipulate our emotions. In this article, Teal presents a new process that allows us to feel better by doing nothing to change our emotions. Instead, this process teaches us how to move into our emotions and allow them to transform themselves.
We run from our feelings. We would do almost anything to avoid being in the now and moving towards the way we feel. Most processes are designed to change how we feel deliberately, so we can avoid being present with how we feel. It serves a purpose to know that you can deliberately change the way you feel, but it also serves a purpose to know that by being present with how you feel, the feeling changes on it’s own.
For most people on planet earth, when we have an experience or when something happens, let’s call this step 1. It causes us to form a belief, in other words, it causes us to tell a story about what happened and attach meaning to the experience. Let’s call this step 2. Then, our emotion reflects that story that we are telling ourselves. It reflects the thoughts we’re thinking about the experience. It causes us to feel certain ways; this is step three. Then, that the emotion and the way we feel relative to the experience and the thoughts we were thinking as a result of the experience, cause us to take an action or exhibit a behavior. This is step 4. But most of us are not present with ourselves enough to recognize the thoughts we are thinking as a result of the experience or the emotions we’re feeling. We do not take time to be present with them. Instead, we jump straight from the experience to the behavior. Here’s an example: Step 1. I get into an argument with my boyfriend or girlfriend. Step 2. This causes me to tell stories (which are beliefs systems) like this: It is always like this; They are going to leave me, I’m not going to end up with anyone, I’m going to die alone, guys are such ass holes, women are such bitches etc. Step 3. Your emotion and your feelings reflect those stories. You feel depressed, hopeless, or maybe panicked. Step 4. That emotion translates to a sensation in your body, and an uncomfortable one. So you try to get away from it as fast as you can. So you drink alcohol, or cut yourself or binge eat. The thing is, this process happens so fast that you most likely did not even notice steps 2 and 3. And you sure as hell did not take time to be present with step 2 or 3, enough to recognize the thoughts or to intentionally move deeper into the emotions and feelings that were present with you as a result of the experience. Instead, you got into a fight with your girlfriend or boyfriend and you immediately skipped step two and three and jumped straight to drinking alcohol or cutting yourself or binge eating. But true healing, comes from step 2 and step 3. We have the opportunity to heal our thought patterns and change our stories, so we are attracting different experiences into our life. And, we have the opportunity to be present with the way we feel, so the feeling moves and is transformed.
We have been telling a lie for many years in the spiritual and self-help community. The lie is: there is only ever bliss in the now. This causes so many of us to think that we are not in the now if we aren’t feeling bliss when we come into the present moment. The truth is, there can be a great many feelings and sensations in the present moment that do not feel good. For example, if we loose a loved one and we come into the present moment, we my have a tightening, sinking feeling in our chest that can be identified as the feeling of grief. The only thing that is present in the moment, is feeling. The stories and beliefs that we tell about those feelings, take us out of the present moment. They are stories about you and about me, about the future and about the past. They are not now.
There is a difference between emotion and feeling. Feeling is a state of consciousness where you are perceiving. It is a state of awareness. And that which you perceive, translates as a sensation. In the physical world that sensation is translated through our sensory organs of sight, sound, touch, taste, smell and perhaps most importantly, as emotions. Feelings, being a state of consciousness, extend beyond the physical body. This is why you still have feelings while having out of body experiences. The conscious ego interprets those feelings and turns them into meaning. Such as this feeling means this and this feeling means that. This feeling means I need to run away or this feeling means I have done something wrong or this feeling means I like him or her. Emotions however, are limited to the physical dimension. They are the byproduct of thinking a thought, which causes the body to release hormones and neurotransmitters, which cause reactions or sensations within the body that you experience as a temporary emotion such as happy or scared. They are a feedback system for your body; much like the gas gauge on your car. Emotions are only a part of feelings. They are a byproduct of feelings. Remember that feelings are a perceptive state of consciousness. When you feel your emotions, you are perceiving your own physiological reaction to (translation of) your thoughts. And your thoughts dictate your vibration. So when you are feeling your emotions, you are perceiving your body’s translation of your vibration.
One of the major problems with the way we deal with mental health in our modern world is that we try to help people escape from feelings. This is why we numb them out with prescription pills. We do not understand that those feelings serve a purpose, many in fact. We don’t understand that by moving into the feelings, they will transform on their own. And we tell people that the reason they feel the way they feel, is because their brain is defective. This could not be further from the truth.
There is another lie that we tell ourselves, the lie is that we have to consciously do something proactive to change the way we feel in the moment. The truth is, we don’t. All we need to do is release resistance to the feelings we feel and emotions we feel. How do we do that? By moving into our feelings in the present moment. If you observe a feeling, and let yourself be conscious of feeling it, it always changes on it’s own. Then, our only job is to follow the way it changes, drop into that new feeling and breathe into the new feeling. And when that new feeling changes, we simply follow it again and consciously let ourselves feel and breathe into that new feeling. We do this until the feeling changes into something we can identify as a positive, better feeling sensation.
Belief systems and stories are mental constructs. They are the ego interpreting and translating experiences and feelings into meaning. They pull us away from the very in the moment feelings that they produce. So, it is important to know that there is a difference between the thoughts you’re thinking and the feelings you are feeling before attempting this process. You can do this process whenever a feeling comes up, wherever it comes up. And you can do this with your eyes closed or open. Just stop what you’re doing. Turn your focus towards the sensations in your being right here and now. Be with that feeling. What does that feeling feel like, what does it look like? Describe it to yourself mentally. Don’t deliberately do anything to change it. Stay with it and notice it shifting. If it does not shift, give it some room to shift by breathing into the feeling and/or expanding the sensation outwards into the room, so it is both inside you, and you are surrounded by it. It will transform on it’s own. Then, your job is purely to chase or follow each sensation as it shifts, as many times as it does shift until you arrive at a feeling in the present moment that feels good to experience.
You can use emotion to help you to step into the feeling by naming the emotion and then describing how that emotion feels in your body. So let’s say you feel sad, ask yourself what does sadness feel like in my body?
If your mind takes over and tries to tell you a story about what it is feeling, or if you get lost in mental imagery instead of paying attention to the actual sensations in your body, don’t try to go back to the last thing you were focused on before your mind took over, instead just come back to the present moment again and place your attention on the new sensation that is current in your being and continue the process from that place.
Here is an example of what this process may look like:
1. What feeling am I feeling in my body?
3. What does panic feel like in my body?
4. It feels like the inside of my body is buzzing. I feel a heart beat in the center of my stomach. It is very heavy. It looks like a metal ball sitting in the pit of my stomach.
5. Just sit with that feeling and that image and breathe into it.
6. Notice how it changes, what does it change into? How does that new feeling feel in my body?
7. It turned into blackness, a feeling of emptiness, it is like being in a closet but I can’t see the walls because there is no light that is getting in.
8. How does it feel in my body to feel the darkness in that black closet?
9. It feels lonely
10. How does loneliness feel in my body?
11. It feels empty, like a dull, frightening ache in my muscles
12. Just let myself be with that feeling of the empty ache in my muscles, let myself experience it, stay with it, and breathe into it.
13. What is it turning into now? What does the feeling feel like now?
15. What does confusion feel like in my body?
16. It feels dizzy like I’m spinning. My throat feels heavy and constricted, my rib cage feels too small.
17. Let myself experience that sensation, just be in it, letting myself feel it and breathe into that feeling.
18. How is that feeling changing? What is it changing into?
19. It isn’t changing!
20. Expand that sensation so it is not just in my body, it is also outside my body. Breathe it into the room so that it is both inside of me and outside of me. This gives it space to transform.
21. I see calm ocean waves… I know why I’m seeing ocean waves, when I was little I got really confused when my parents were arguing and I ran to the ocean and I immediately felt better!
22. Now my mind is pulling me out of the present moment of how I feel in my body by asking me to get lost in a story. Come back to my body, not the image of the ocean waves, what am I feeling feeling in my body?
24. What does relief feel like in my body?
25. It feels like my chest and stomach are opening. It feels like the energy is moving out of my arms and legs. I feel my throat opening up
26. Just stay with that sensation. What is it turning into?
27. I see the image of hot buttered corn.
28. What does that feel like in my body?
29. It feels like contentment, like my whole body is getting lighter. My heart is moving forward like it wants to experience the world. My body feels warmth like sunshine, especially across my back.
30. If you closed your eyes, open them. Notice how you feel better now than you did when you started the exercise.
Some of the feelings and sensations you experience will be ineffable; so don’t worry if you cannot describe them. The point is not to be able to describe them; the point is to let yourself feel them and experience them. The prerogative of this exercise is to follow the sensations one by one as they shift until you find yourself in a feeling state that feels good. And if you happen to decide to chase the feeling states one by one as far as they can go, eventually you will arrive at a state where no superficial feeling exists in the now. You will merely be left with the feeling of the unified, timeless consciousness of source… What many call “The Mighty I Am Presence”.
For some of us, when the sensation itself shifts, we will be able to follow the shift in sensation alone. But for those of us that are especially trapped in the mind, and in the mental process, each transition and feeling will be preceded by a visual image. The point is to then ask yourself how that visual image makes you feel in your body. The only way to transform a feeling is to actually stay with the sensation of that feeling in the body. We can’t do this if we get lost in the visual image that represents the feeling or in the meaning of the visual images that are attached to the feeling, because it is a kind of avoidance of feeling the actual feeling.
At the root of all impulse behaviors is an unwillingness to be with the feeling that is evoking the behavior. Being with the feeling, is the way to slow down enough to gain control over the behavior. It is very important for personal growth to know that your feelings do not own you. They are just feelings. There is no feeling that cannot be transformed by moving into it with the focus of consciousness. You can’t change from a state of resistance to a state of non-resistance unless you move into the feeling of resistance within you. When you do not resist the feeling directly and you do not run away from the feeling (which is also resistance), the feeling has no power over you. It becomes nothing more than a perception. It becomes nothing more than information. By doing this process, you will find that your being is the observer, perceiver and translator of those feelings. Your being isn’t the feelings themselves, any more than it is at the mercy of those feelings.