• The Holy Grail


    A piece in which Teal reveals a pivotal teaching.


    How far must we deviate from ourselves?
    How long must we abandon ourselves?
    Since the moment we first chose to do so
    We abandon ourselves in birth.
    And if we do not rejoin ourselves over the course of our lives 
    We rejoin ourselves in death.
    We must die to ourselves In order to be born
    And all life is a process 
    Of being re-born to ourselves.
    And what of emotion?
    Emotion is the tether
    Emotion is the link that remains when all else is lost
    Emotion is the only remnant of the true self 
    Which we abandoned in order to be born here
    Emotion is what leads you back to you
    All things done on this planet 
    Are done to escape emotion 
    Every cigarette smoked
    Every lover gained
    Every book read
    Every bite eaten
    We even find our way to spirituality because we are desperate to escape the way we feel
    But then we find that the only way to find joy and to set ourselves free permanently 
    Is to walk into the eye of the storm
    To be so ready to die as a result of our pain 
    That we stop running or escaping
    We stop trying to feel better
    We stop trying to change the way we feel
    And instead, we walk right into the eye of the storm 
    Ready for it to swallow us up.

    Even daring it to. 
    For the first time in our lives 
    We do not abandon ourselves 
    Because for the first time 
    We do not run from the way we feel 
    We do not try to use positive focus to move away from ourselves
    We do not use alcohol to suppress ourselves
    We do not use a lover to protect us from ourselves
    Instead, we move towards and into our feelings
    We don’t ask them to change
    We don’t want them to be different
    We are simply in and of and with them
    And because of it, we are completely in and of and with ourselves
    And something beautiful happens…
    After practicing the art of being with ourselves again and again
    The universe reveals itself in its entirety 
    There is a hole inside all people
    A deep emptiness 
    Wanting to be filled up
    But what is that emptiness?
    That emptiness is grief.
    Grief is the baseline emotion for all people incarnated on this planet.
    But what is it that we are all grieving?
    The answer is the loss of self
    We lost ourselves in our birth into physical form 
    We abandon ourselves when we separate ourselves from that which we truly are 
    From source
    Like a stone dropped into still water
    The ripples from that original transgression
    Travel outward
    After the original separation from our true selves,
    We re-live that separation again and again
    Separation from the womb
    Separation from the breast
    Separation from our parents
    Separation from friends
    Separation from lovers
    Separation from our children
    And eventually, separation from life itself upon our death day.
    We suffer the original separation throughout the duration of our lives.

    We suffer to the degree that the desire within us
    To be whole again 
    Is strong enough 
    To draw us back to ourselves.
    To draw us back to source
    Because Source and self are one and the same.
    Grief is at the core of all of our lives.
    All of us abandoned ‘ourself’ to come here
    We broke into a billion pieces
    We call them by different names
    I am Teal
    You are John
    Or Mary
    Or William
    Or Emily
    All pain and suffering on this planet 
    Is a ripple
    Cast off from the original stone
    Of Separation
    All human behavior
    Is seen accurately through the stages of grief
    The entire emotional scale
    Is in essence, the expression of a grief process
    When we are separated from other people 
    And feel as if we have lost them
    As they leave us
    As they die
    The grief we feel 
    Is none but a reflection
    Of the original loss of ourselves upon our birth
    And we will lose our loved ones 
    As long as it takes 
    To reunite 
    With ourselves again
    This grief process that is occurring within all of us 
    Is the grief process of having lost a loved one
    And we have all lost this loved one 
    We have all lost ourselves
    We could not be born unless we did
    And so, this grief is shared by us all. 
    We are united in this grief 
    And yet, we are torn apart by it
    This grief process now plays itself out upon the world.
    It accounts for all of our actions as a species
    We are utterly powerless at birth

    We deny what has happened to us
    We feel utterly isolated
    We become angry
    Because we are so scared
    We start to bargain with our parents
    And then we bargain with the world
    We fall into depression
    Because nothing can make the hole inside of us go away
    And one day, we either die because of it 
    Or we find acceptance.
    To find acceptance for the separation
    And to set ourselves free from the prison of it
    We must go straight into the eye of the storm of grief. 
    To be reunited with ourselves
    We must let go
    We must let ourselves grieve
    We must let ourselves grieve for the loss of ourselves
    And in every following thought and word and movement
    We must make a vow to never abandon ourselves again
    We must make a vow to be completely with ourselves 
    In each and every moment of our lives
    Without needing ourselves or the way we feel 
    To be different