How far must we deviate from ourselves?
How long must we abandon ourselves?
Since the moment we first chose to do so
We abandon ourselves in birth.
And if we do not rejoin ourselves over the course of our lives
We rejoin ourselves in death.
We must die to ourselves In order to be born
And all life is a process
Of being re-born to ourselves.
And what of emotion?
Emotion is the tether
Emotion is the link that remains when all else is lost
Emotion is the only remnant of the true self
Which we abandoned in order to be born here
Emotion is what leads you back to you
All things done on this planet
Are done to escape emotion
Every cigarette smoked
Every lover gained
Every book read
Every bite eaten
We even find our way to spirituality because we are desperate to escape the way we feel
But then we find that the only way to find joy and to set ourselves free permanently
Is to walk into the eye of the storm
To be so ready to die as a result of our pain
That we stop running or escaping
We stop trying to feel better
We stop trying to change the way we feel
And instead, we walk right into the eye of the storm
Ready for it to swallow us up.
Even daring it to.
For the first time in our lives
We do not abandon ourselves
Because for the first time
We do not run from the way we feel
We do not try to use positive focus to move away from ourselves
We do not use alcohol to suppress ourselves
We do not use a lover to protect us from ourselves
Instead, we move towards and into our feelings
We don’t ask them to change
We don’t want them to be different
We are simply in and of and with them
And because of it, we are completely in and of and with ourselves
And something beautiful happens…
After practicing the art of being with ourselves again and again
The universe reveals itself in its entirety
There is a hole inside all people
A deep emptiness
Wanting to be filled up
But what is that emptiness?
That emptiness is grief.
Grief is the baseline emotion for all people incarnated on this planet.
But what is it that we are all grieving?
The answer is the loss of self
We lost ourselves in our birth into physical form
We abandon ourselves when we separate ourselves from that which we truly are
Like a stone dropped into still water
The ripples from that original transgression
After the original separation from our true selves,
We re-live that separation again and again
Separation from the womb
Separation from the breast
Separation from our parents
Separation from friends
Separation from lovers
Separation from our children
And eventually, separation from life itself upon our death day.
We suffer the original separation throughout the duration of our lives.
We suffer to the degree that the desire within us
To be whole again
Is strong enough
To draw us back to ourselves.
To draw us back to source
Because Source and self are one and the same.
Grief is at the core of all of our lives.
All of us abandoned ‘ourself’ to come here
We broke into a billion pieces
We call them by different names
I am Teal
You are John
All pain and suffering on this planet
Is a ripple
Cast off from the original stone
All human behavior
Is seen accurately through the stages of grief
The entire emotional scale
Is in essence, the expression of a grief process
When we are separated from other people
And feel as if we have lost them
As they leave us
As they die
The grief we feel
Is none but a reflection
Of the original loss of ourselves upon our birth
And we will lose our loved ones
As long as it takes
With ourselves again
This grief process that is occurring within all of us
Is the grief process of having lost a loved one
And we have all lost this loved one
We have all lost ourselves
We could not be born unless we did
And so, this grief is shared by us all.
We are united in this grief
And yet, we are torn apart by it
This grief process now plays itself out upon the world.
It accounts for all of our actions as a species
We are utterly powerless at birth
We deny what has happened to us
We feel utterly isolated
We become angry
Because we are so scared
We start to bargain with our parents
And then we bargain with the world
We fall into depression
Because nothing can make the hole inside of us go away
And one day, we either die because of it
Or we find acceptance.
To find acceptance for the separation
And to set ourselves free from the prison of it
We must go straight into the eye of the storm of grief.
To be reunited with ourselves
We must let go
We must let ourselves grieve
We must let ourselves grieve for the loss of ourselves
And in every following thought and word and movement
We must make a vow to never abandon ourselves again
We must make a vow to be completely with ourselves
In each and every moment of our lives
Without needing ourselves or the way we feel
To be different