Everyone gets upset sometimes. But often, what makes the upset worse is that the upset can feel like a mess of painful emotions without much conscious understanding about why that upset is being experienced and even more so, why the upset is so bad, given the situation at hand.
I have a new way of looking at upset. If you switch the words up and set from up set to set up, you can see a new truth about upset. That is that every time you get upset, you are being set up by the universe to become totally aware of something that you are not yet totally aware of and to see something new about your personal truth. Personal truth is comprised of personal feelings, thoughts, need, and desires. With the knowing of that personal truth, we can both communicate what is real and take effective action in the direction of our actual desires and make the changes that our inner being is begging us to make.
At the most basic level, an upset is really about four things:
- An intention that is being prevented or opposed
- An undelivered communication
- A past wound that is unhealed and was re-activated by whatever happened
- An unfulfilled expectation
An upset can be about one or all of these things.
As living beings, our feeling of wellbeing is dependent on our ability to set an intention and to manifest it. This is how we get a sense of freedom, empowerment and happiness. When we want something, we must be able to use our free will to bring it into reality. When someone or something resists that intention of ours or desire of ours, it feels really, really bad. It challenges our sense of personal freedom, empowerment and happiness. We feel upset.
When we have something to communicate, it is important to us that we can accurately convey what it is that we want to convey and that the person on the other side of that communication receives that communication. We need to be able to express ourselves in a way that accurately reflects our personal truth and we need the other person to see, feel, hear and understand that truth. We need them to take it in. If that doesn’t happen, we become upset.
No matter how good our childhood or past was, we all experience situations where we felt distress and where there was no resolve for it. These become unhealed wounds imbedded in our being. We are all walking around in our life with these past wounds and in this universe, which functions like a 360 degree mirror, we continue to line up with circumstances, people, places and events that reflect those wounds. This is the universe’s way of trying to get us to resolve what was never resolved. But any time this occurs, we feel upset.
- As living beings, we are creators and manifestors. This means, just like a sculptor has a way he wants his art piece to end up, we have expectations for nearly every situation we get into. We are attached to how it should be. We think things like “We should be friends, we should be resolving things, he shouldn’t have said that, he should accept X. I shouldn’t feel this way etc.” When these expectations are unfulfilled, we become upset.
Any time you get upset, take a look at this list and see how any of all of these items were part of the situation at hand. Start with something today. Think of a situation that upset you.
In this situation, did I have a desire or intention that was being prevented or opposed? If so, how? What did that make me feel? Why specifically did that make me feel so upset? What did it make me feel like I might never be able to have or get?
Did I communicate my feelings, thoughts, desires, needs and anything else I needed to communicate in a way that felt authentic and true to what is real about me in this situation? If I did that or even if I didn’t, did I feel like the other person or people involved in the situation actually felt me and saw me and heard me so as to really understand me? Did I feel as if what I needed to communicate and my personal truth was received? If not, what was my perception about how the communication was or wasn’t expressed and was or wasn’t received?
What painful experience in my past could this be a reflection of? What experience might have been unresolved that this situation is bringing up into my consciousness again? In that past, unresolved situation, what did I need in order to feel resolved? How can I meet those needs to create that feeling of resolution relative to this situation, which is a repeat of the last one, so it can be different this time? In many situations, we are not even aware of what situation or past wound is being reflected in our present life because when situations are non resolvable, we stuff them into our subconscious. For this reason, I have created a process for discovering and resolving these past wounds that are causing recurrent painful patterns and upsets in our adult life. It is called the Completion Process. You can learn this process in my book that is quite literally titled: The Completion Process.
In this situation, take a look at the expectations you had and how they were unfulfilled.
a. What did I expect to happen?
b. What did I expect them to think?
c. What did I expect them to feel?
d. What did I expect them to say?
e. What did I expect them to do?
f. What do I expect them to do now to resolve the upset?
g. What did I expect myself to think?
h. What did I expect myself to feel?
i. What did I expect myself to say?
j. What did I expect myself to do?
k.What do I expect myself to do now to resolve the upset?
You are never wrong to feel the way you feel. The way you feel is always a perfect and accurate reflection of your perceptions, regardless of whether your perceptions are accurate or not. But with this awareness, you can directly address your perceptions. Ask yourself in this situation, what would they have to do to make it better? What am I willing to do to make it better? And then ask yourself, is it realistic or fair? Look over your expectations. Ask yourself: If none of them were present, no idea of how it should be, what would be different and what might be possible? Sometimes if what upset us, is a conflict with someone else, we need to be honest about whether we want resolve/repair/connection or to win/be right/get the other to surrender. If what you want is resolve/repair/connection, ask yourself, what might I have to give up or accept in order to get closer to that in this situation?
Once you have the answers to these questions, you will have understanding about WHY you are upset. Based on that awareness, you also will have a better idea of what you might need and what needs to be communicated and what actions need to be taken in order to feel a sense of resolve on your end. Upset is never pleasant, but it will be better if from now on, you are willing to allow the universe to set you up so as to become completely aware. Our only position of power is from reality. Becoming clear about the reality of your upsets makes it possible to resolve them.