People in general tend to feel quite confused and powerless when it comes to female sexuality. It is as if women are an enigma when it comes to sex. In general, we are looking for all women to be the same sexually, so they can follow a logical formula. It is here that I’m going to give you some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there is a major stand out thing about female sexuality that you can generalize about. You can consider this your foundation. And from there, you need to be able to differentiate between women and what each of them is aroused by.
The stand out thing when it comes to female sexuality is that the motivation for sex it is dependent on emotions. Visual and/or physical stimulation is not the primary trigger for a woman’s desire to have sex. Her desire to have sex is dependent on how she feels emotionally, most especially about you and with you.
In general, women need to feel emotional connection and emotional intimacy before wanting sex. This fosters a sense of security and safety because sex can and does lead to serious vulnerabilities for a woman. Some of these vulnerabilities are emotional, such as attachment. And some of them are physical, such as pregnancy. And something that you probably don’t know is that on a spiritual level, there must be strong polarization to create the kind of attraction that gives rise to incredible sex. There must be two opposite poles. The positive sexual pole for a woman is the heart area. The emotional center. This positive sexual pole has to be awakened and stimulated in order to really activate the yoni (the Sanskrit word for vulva and vagina) so that it will welcome you and let you in.
The way to actually get a woman in the mood to have sex with you is to take charge of her emotional experience. Especially the emotional experience she is having with you. Women tend to be very responsive by their very nature. They are emotionally responsive to whether you were there for her when she needed you earlier in the day or whether you prioritized something else. They are responsive to whether you are forgetting one of your responsibilities for the fourth time in a row and putting her in the position to have to do it herself or nag you about it. They are emotionally responsive to whether you are demonstrating that you are attuned to her body and her turn-ons or are in your own world, doing what you think you should do with a woman in general. They are emotionally responsive to whether you have bad hygiene and to what that may mean about you as a person and about how safe she is around you. They are emotionally responsive to whether you took time to figure out what makes her aroused and led her there or whether you just expected her to just be ready for it because you wanted her sexually. They are emotionally responsive to whether you are speaking and moving in a confident way, or whether you are speaking and moving in an insecure way. They are emotionally responsive to whether you ogle and talk about other women or whether you act in a way that makes her feel like what you desire is her. You get the point. The way you conduct yourself in the relationship in general, is what makes a woman feel how she feels emotionally with you. And this determines whether she wants to have sex with you or just isn’t feeling it.
I want you to think about how a woman would need to feel emotionally in order to want to have sex with you. Your answer is likely to be: To feel contained by me (If you want to learn more about this one, you can watch my video titled: Containment (What a Woman Needs From a Man in a Relationship). It may be: To feel desired by me. To feel valued by me. To feel like I love her body. To feel connected and close to me. To feel like she can trust me. To feel attracted to me (keep in mind that female attraction goes far beyond just physical attraction. In fact, women tend to be far more attracted to a person based on the way he behaves than based on how he looks). It may be: She needs to feel that she respects you and admires me. To feel protected by me. All this is true. She needs to emotionally feel a way that would inspire her to want you inside of her.
While the way that she is emotionally feeling with you in the relationship in general is the single biggest determining factor of her arousal and her desire to have sex, you can also dictate the way she feels in a more microcosmic way in the sexual interaction itself. You can focus on making a woman feel a certain way in the relationship with you in general. And you can also focus on making a woman feel a certain way when you want to arouse her so as to engage in sex. For example, I could do things in my day-to-day life with a woman that make her feel like I value her. I could also do things that makes her feel valued “in the bedroom” in order to arouse her. Women tend to have a responsive desire when it comes to sex, meaning that rather than the desire just spontaneously showing up, it comes after arousal begins. This means, you can help her to get there. When it comes to women in general, it is a really good idea to accept that in order for her to desire to have sex with you in the way you want her to desire it, she needs to be aroused first.
Plenty of women have sex even when they are not aroused and are not actually emotionally feeling what is necessary to be aroused. And guess what? This is also largely down to emotions. For example, wanting that attention, a sense of being desired, a sense of it enhancing security in the relationship, a sense of wanting to express love to her partner. A sense of closeness with the person, a sense of her partner being pleased and thus enhancing her feeling of approval, relational security and belonging. Many women do this because they feel doing this is the necessary transaction to keep receiving any need that a person meets for her in a relationship, be it provider-ship or protection or emotional intimacy. Some women do it simply to avoid perceived negative consequences. Human beings are complex because we do not simply use sex for reproduction or for physical pleasure. Instead, sex serves many functions. In fact, people have hundreds of observable and study-able distinct reasons for having sex.
Even the core of what each woman is individually most aroused by is down to emotions. Even though this is where you start to see some serious variability between one woman’s sexuality and the next. Everyone has a unique sexuality. And each person’s unique sexuality is a direct reflection of their deepest traumas and deepest desires. And I’m not just talking about desires in the bedroom. I’m talking about desires in their life in general. What you get out of the specific sexual experience that really gets you aroused, is in fact, something emotional. Everyone has a “thing” sexually. We can call this a fetish. But some people’s “thing” isn’t what society would traditionally call a fetish. This is why, unless you have a traditional fetish, it is often so hard for people to figure out what their “thing” is. Identifying what uniquely arouses the woman in your life, so that you can identify the emotional component inherent in that thing, is the key to being not only the best sex she ever had in her life person, but also the best relationship she ever had in her life person. If you want to learn more about this, you can watch my video titled: Decode What Your Sexuality Says About You.
Women are sexual beings. They can derive deep levels of pleasure out of sex. Provided that you understand that the foundation of a woman’s sexuality is how she emotionally feels. And provided that you put the time and energy into understanding the unique intricacies and specifics of the woman in your life.
