Hardly any subject arouses more confusion, shame and controversy than sex. This creates a bit of a predicament when people want to engage in healthy sexuality because no one seems to agree on what that is. Healthy sexuality is a subjective topic and people’s opinions on the subject are completely influenced by familial, religious and societal programming that have for the most part gone un-questioned. So what is healthy sexuality and how does one go about practicing it?
Before we go any further, it must be established that there is a big difference between healthy and healing. Healthy implies that a person is completely healed. As it applies to sex this means that they are having sex in a way that is a direct reflection of their highest potential and completely integrated self. If we want to practice healthy sexuality, we have to actually let go of the idea of healthy. The reason we have to let go of it is because we are skipping the steps necessary to even get to healthy sexuality by doing this. Also, we will not find out what true healthy sexuality is for us specifically if we approach it from the outside in instead of the inside out.
The outside in approach is to decide what healthy sexuality objectively looks like and then hold ourselves up to that standard bar. The inside out approach is to keep finding alignment relative to what type of sex is healing and to allow that to change as you heal so as to arrive at the sex that is a reflection of your highest potential and integrated self. This approach is like taking a journey to arrive at a destination that is unknown rather than to aim at a particular destination. We need to commit to healing sexuality. Not healthy sexuality.
On an energetic and spiritual level, during healing sex, the flow of energy is sped up within the body. The body opens up to a state of receptivity, whereby the meridians and chakras of the body are receiving an unrestricted flow of energy. Alignment is occurring between the vibration of your physical perspective and your non-physical perspective. And thus you experience a blending between the physical aspects of you and the non-physical aspects of you.
Life on earth, creation itself, is the byproduct of sexual energy. Sexual energy and conception/creation go hand in hand. And so you can see that sex and orgasm has an element of extreme creative force to it. The question is what are you conceiving or creating? What does this mean for those of you who are practicing the art of manifestation? It means that sexual focus is one of the most powerful tools for manifestation that you can possibly imagine. To understand more about this, watch my video on YouTube titled: How To Use An Orgasm To Manifest. What you focus on, especially on a feeling based level, is what you are trying to conceive and manifest into your reality.
In the minute of orgasm the accumulated energy that is building up is released. That powerful burst of energy is released towards what you desire to create with the subconscious intention of manifesting it into reality. Even the most unconscious people walking the planet today instinctually feel that link between sex and creation/manifestation. Even the most unconscious people walking the planet today also feel the undeniable link between DESIRE and sex.
But the reality is that most people walking the planet are unconscious of their genuine desires. Most people feel the desire for a person or a thing, but do not understand why they feel the strong desire for that thing. This is why we struggle and fail to understand what is really going on at a fundamental level with sexual fetishes. The secret behind all sexual fetishes is that behind each one of them is something that we want to experience (usually an emotional state) that we feel utterly deprived of and desperate to experience. But that we believe we cannot have or create directly. People’s fetishes suggest what they need in order to heal. They suggest what is healing for someone.
Healing happens in a progression. It is easy to say that a person who is angry is not in a state of perfect health. They are not all the way to a state of joy for example. But if someone is feeling totally powerless, to get angry is a super important part of their healing. They will not become healthy without that.
Let’s look at the dynamic present with domination sex. With domination sex, what one person actually needs in order to heal because they have felt powerless is to be able to be in the controlling, power position during the sexual interaction. What the other person who is consensually being dominated needs in order to heal, because they have felt like they had to take the constant pressure of responsibility, is to be able to let go of control and responsibility of choice during the sexual interaction. If they engage in this sexual dynamic, it is healing for both parties. They get to experience something they need to experience in order to heal.
Obviously, the ego is the thing that is concerned with power over another person. Therefore, from objective spiritual perspective, it is not a state of perfect health to make sex about power over another person rather than about pure connection. But it is critical for that person to experience that in order to heal. So lets look at what healing sexuality is all about:
Healing sexuality is just that, it is healing. To heal is to experience the opposite. To understand this completely, watch my video titled: What Is Healing. Healing sexuality brings us closer to integration rather than further from integration and that is going to be different for all people/couples. For one person it may be healing to engage in domination sex. For another, it may be the opposite of healing. So we need to really become aware of whether something is healing for us or detrimental for us specifically. To discover what is healing, we need to let go of our idea of what type of sex we “should” be having. These standards are about an idea of right and wrong. And our idea right and wrong so rarely comes from an authentic assessment of our own genuine alignment or lack thereof. Our idea of right and wrong comes from ideas other people imposed on us and those ideas were also usually imposed on them. Our sexuality needs to come from our unique authentic being.
Healing sexuality should be healing for both or all parties involved in the sexual interaction… Including our own internal parts. This means it should also be consensual. Many of the fetishes that don’t involve consensual sex are not about sex at all. For example, necrophilia is about being received where there is no possibility for rejection. For this person, health is not about having sex with a dead body, it is about finding people who can fully receive and not reject them. Pedophilia is about reconnecting with one’s innocence and essence… one’s own child self. For this person, health is not about having sex with a child. It is about finding ways to reconnect to their own innocence and essence. It is about re-owning their child self. Healing sex should not heal one part of ourselves while hurting another part of ourselves either. For example, sex without a condom could be healing to a part of us that wants even more intimacy. But the risk of pregnancy could be really damaging to another part. Safe and healthy sex regarding things like protection from STDs and Pregnancy is really about this item on the list.
We must accept that we are sexual beings. Sex is a part of life and sexuality involves FAR more than just sexual behavior or the act of sex itself. Healing sexuality means embracing and enjoying our sexuality throughout the course of our lives as an important part of our emotional, mental and physical health. So to heal our sexuality, we must face the aspects within us that resist and oppose sexuality as well as the traumas that created that resistance. We must become aware of whatever within us opposes sexuality and sex… The parts that do not have or associate pleasure with sex or intimacy with sex. Then, we must begin to dissolve that resistance. I present a technique for doing this in my video titled: Fragmentation, The Worldwide Disease. We must also be open to the idea that one step on the path to sexual health might be for someone to choose with their free will not to engage in sex at all. This is often true for one phase of healing from childhood sex abuse.
We must accept that sexuality is not a contradiction to spirituality or morality or good-ness. The time has come to stop trying to use spirituality to escape from or transcend the physical. Sexuality is a part of physical life. We are looking to integrate physical with non-physical, not try to escape humanity through divinity. So developing our sexuality ought to be taken as part of our path of spiritual progression.
Experimentation. Sexual healing for most people doesn’t only involve integrating the parts of them that oppose sexuality; it also involves stretching one’s limited concepts about the possibilities regarding sex and sexuality. We need to experiment in a way that feels safe to us (in alignment with our best interests). We need to research and try new things as well as put energy into discovering what sexual pleasure is for us specifically. You don’t have to necessarily try every food available on the planet. But you can never really say what your favorite kind of food on the planet is if you only ever eat one type of food.
We need to be having sex with other people from a space of love. But hold on for a minute on this idea because most people have no idea what love actually is. To most people, love automatically means that sex has to look a certain way, like it does in the Hallmark movies. To love something is to take it as a part of yourself. To understand more about this, watch my video titled: What Is Love? If we are taking someone as part of ourselves, we take their best interests as part of our own best interests. Using the previous analogy, this means that if the best interest of one person is to be dominated because that is what is healing for them at this time, we can dominate them during sex. But if the best interest of one person is not to be dominated, because that is detrimental for them at this time, we cannot dominate them during sex. We must be attuned enough to feel and see and hear and understand the other person’s best interests instead of project our ideas of what their best interests should be onto them.
We have to allow our sexuality (and sex along with it) to evolve and mutate over the course of our relationships and lives. Sex will be different with one person than it is with another. Sex will be different when you first meet someone than it is on your ten-year wedding anniversary. Sexuality will be different when we are 2 or 3 in our first phase of gender association than it will be when we are 17. Sexuality will be different when we are 17 than it will be when we are 60. And if we commit to healing sexuality, our sexuality will mutate to become more and more in alignment with our highest potential as well as a more genuine expression of our truest selves. Our sexuality will become more and more integrated. Healing sexuality is a flowing and flexible process and practice, not a rigid one. Sexual energy is creative energy therefore sexuality and sex is a creative process.
We have to join the movement to make sex and sexuality no longer taboo. A big part of this is to talk and communicate about it. So much of unhealthy sexuality is because sex is considered taboo. So is nudity. Our consciousness is so split about sex. But this is hurting us all emotionally, mentally and physically. Sex sells, sex is everywhere and people are sex obsessed. Sex is also a natural part of our being. At the same time, we are being told that sex is shameful and dangerous and sinful. Talk about a mixed message. It’s a total double bind. Sex and sexuality should not be taboo. Neither should our naked bodies. This taboo nature of sex leads to suppression and suppression leads unconsciousness. Unconscious sex is the real thing causing sexual damage on the planet today. You cannot suppress energy. It will build up until the energy has to go somewhere. But if that energy comes up in an unconscious way, it will lead to pain.
The fact that we don’t talk about sex and sexuality openly, and in a conscious way is the very reason why we are all so confused about it and why our sexuality often expresses itself in such damaging ways. Part of this means that as parents and educators, we need to be talking about it with our children so they can grow up embracing instead of resisting sexuality as well as making the right sexual choices for themselves specifically.
Sexuality is a part of who you are. It is a partial life and an unhealthy one if you are spending your life resisting it. When it comes to sexual health, stop looking to live up to some external idea of what perfect sexual health looks like and instead, commit to sex that is healing.