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Twin Flames and Soul Mates

We live in a universe that is all one. This “united consciousness” merely expresses itself in different ways. You are an expression of united consciousness, the same way that your boyfriend or girlfriend is an expression of that unified consciousness, the same way that the living room couch is an expression of that united consciousness. Saying that one expression of this unified consciousness is more special or important than any other, is a misunderstanding. At the highest level of spiritual awareness, it is truth that everything and everyone in existence is therefore your soul mate or twin flame because in a universe that is all one, all there is, is you. You ultimately are not only yourself, you are also your boyfriend or girlfriend and you are also your living room couch. The individuality you are currently experiencing is just an illusion.But when we are discussing twin flames or soul mates, we are discussing reality from a more limited perspective, a perspective closer to the physical perspective, which recognizes difference and individuality as a subjective truth. When most of us say twin flame or soul mate, what we mean is a soul connection or relationship between two halves of the same soul. The popular theory on twin flames is that in the beginning of time we were created as a perfect soul, which was split into two soul halves, one half female, the other half male. That split soul was then cast upon Earth in order to search for one-another. They would reincarnate over lifetimes with this longing for each other, and once they finally meet, they would reunite and be in love and then leave this physical plane as one whole individual soul. There is so much that is backwards about this theory. There is no being that is separate from you that “casts” souls down to earth. Also, this theory ascribes traits to souls that are more physical than they are energetic. A soul is not a clump of energy, in the same way that a body is a clump of bones and flesh. To imply that a soul can be cut in two implies that it is a clump of energy. In reality, a soul is nothing more than a stream of consciousness. Streams cannot be cut in half.

Let’s pretend that this unified consciousness or this oneness we speak of (and often call god or source) is an infinite ocean. All water comes from this ocean. Rivers and streams are therefore a projection of the ocean, a different expression of the ocean because rivers diverging from the ocean and creeks diverging from the rivers are still made of ocean water. Metaphorically speaking, what we call soul families, are just rivers that have projected forth from the ocean (streams of consciousness that have projected forth from unified consciousness) and what we call individual souls that experience a specific reincarnation path, are just creeks that have projected forth from a particular stream. Now, interestingly enough, these creeks can project forth into the physical as multiple beings at one time. Your soul could in essence be incarnated here on earth as multiple individuals, both human and non-human. And much of the time, if one aspect of you ran into another aspect of you, you would have no conscious awareness of it.

However, if you were in a moment of alignment (positive emotion), if you had released resistance (especially to yourself), and if you were to then rendezvous with another aspect of you, you would recognize an immediate feeling of oneness and of coming home, because oneness and home is in essence energetically closer to you when you are encountering your own soul stream (creek) than when you are encountering another soul stream (creek). Ultimately, we are being drawn towards the ultimate truth in the universe, which is that we are all one. This means, when you are in alignment, you will meet that person or those people who are other projections of your same soul and you will be insatiably attracted to them. We are closer to the truth of oneness when we are with them. That is what that feeling of being “completed” by someone actually is. It is the recognition of the self in the other.

Many of us did intend to have the experience of uniting ourselves with another aspect of our soul before coming into our physical lives. We always chose our gender based off of what will best serve our expansion and intentions for our specific life. But often, part of the experience we want to have for the benefit of our expansion is the experience of oneness within a physical form. And the way many of us accomplish this is to incarnate into two beings (quite often a male and female aspect) and come into life separate from them, in order to experience the contrast of loneliness and separation. This contrast gives rise to the desire for unity and coming home, which when we line up with it vibrationally, is satisfied through meeting that other male or other female aspect of ourselves and pair bonding with them. These pair bonding, monogamous relationships are often agreed upon and planned before a birth. And often, when we meet that person, we can feel fate in the relationship because of it.
It is also true that we may have chosen to do this again and again in multiple reincarnations. If the relationship serves expansion in a very real way, we will continue to incarnate together, and find each other life after life until that experience no longer serves our expansion or the progression of source consciousness.

The traditional view of soul mates or twin flames is that it must happen between dual aspects… a male a female. This is not the case. We could bump into and find unification with an aspect of our soul stream that is incarnated as the same gender as ourselves. When this is the case, either an intense friendship ensues, or we will experience the same level of romance and sexual attraction, as a “heterosexual soul mate” couple would have for each other. The law of attraction, which still reigns triumphant, dictates that if you and your soul mate(s) are on different wavelengths and in different vibrations from each other, you will either not rendezvous with your soul mate(s) or you will clash when you do. Also, where there is a powerful and strong desire and intent (which there always is when we are dealing with a soul mate or twin flame) that is not being satisfied and when the two of you get together and see each other in that place of disconnection, you will experience extreme friction. This means, if you or your soul mate focus negatively in a way that causes you to hold yourself in resistance to each other, you will be going so against the current of the stream of consciousness within you, that it will be like trying to hold a high powered magnet apart, great pain will be the result of that resistance. Discord between soul mates or twin flames is particularly painful.

So how do you know if you’ve met your twin flame or soul mate? Here is a list of attributes that most experts agree, will come along with a twin flame relationship…

  • You had dreams or visions of this person before physically meeting in this lifetime.
  • Meeting your partner felt like “coming home” to a familiar, long-lost energy. After meeting, you had “memories” of other times and places with that person that are not part of this life experience so far.
  • Your partner mirrors your own issues, concerns, and imbalances, but you also complement each other’s skill sets, talents, and capacities. You are the ultimate embodiment of yin/yang.
  • You may be of different ages, the same or opposite sex, vastly different backgrounds, “opposing” religions or cultures, but you feel an incredible unity or incomparable sense of oneness with your partner.
  • You feel each other’s symptoms, illnesses, and emotions even when you are not near each other or in communication.
  • Your functioning is impaired or much less optimal when you are apart from your twin flame. It physically and mentally hurts when you are not together, like trying to hold a high powered magnet apart.
  • When you are with your partner and the relationship is in balance, you become stronger, more powerful, and more capable than you have ever felt. You feel united in a mission or “calling” to serve others and the world.
  • Your unconditional love for your partner is like no other. Your partner is likely to have a certain habit, quality, or “baggage” that would be a deal-breaker for you in any other relationship. However, you overlook it or willingly work through it with this partner-- no matter what it takes.
  • You met your partner after being forced to develop some measure of self acceptance or self approval. It’s likely that you met when and where you were least consciously expecting it. As a result, you have an intense level of friendship on top of the sexual attraction between you.
  • In efforts to harmonize, expand and balance each other, you “push each other’s buttons” and test each other’s limits in order to call each other into becoming the highest version of yourselves.
  • Friends, family members, and others in your circle are effected and humbled and deeply moved by the relationship. They too, express that they feel that there is something cosmic at work in the union. Some are very threatened by this.
  • The growth you experience, the lessons you learn, and the person you become in the twin flame relationship are more significant, happen more rapidly, and are more powerful than any other experience or period of growth in your life.
  • You realize that your previous soul mates or other relationships prepared you for the twin flame reunion. Your twin flame may even have or embody a number of the unusual characteristics or outstanding attributes of your previous mates and soul friends.
  • You feel as if you’ve been waiting your whole life for this person. When you look back at your life, you see illnesses, sabotaged relationships, or other situations that manifested because you were still waiting and still looking for “the one.”
  • Even if you don’t particularly enjoy 3 dimensional existence here on earth, you heal, evolve, mature, and continue to live-- just to stay with your twin flame partner. Earth itself begins to feel more like home, because they are here.
  • The more that you and your twin partner spend time together, the more rapidly and completely you awaken to higher consciousness. You have a deep knowing that your twin partner is your destiny—and a feeling that this is the case for more than just this lifetime.

When most of us say we want a soul mate, we are saying that we want an enjoyable relationship that gives rise to less contrast and more positive emotion. But if your soul mate is in essence your soul, expressing itself in a different human form, you could not rendezvous with them from a positive emotional space unless you were positively focusing towards yourself. Positive emotional experiences are the result of positive focus. Positive interaction with another aspect of myself, like a soul mate, is the result of positive focus towards myself. So how do you meet your twin flame or your soul mate? Find approval for yourself. No matter what, the people who meet their soul mates or twin flames (whichever term you prefer) do so after making a dramatic positive change in how they approach themselves. By it’s very nature, a soul mate relationship is one where our partner holds intense levels of positive focus towards us. To be a match to meeting another person who will focus that way towards us, we must focus that way towards ourselves. Meeting your soul mate calls for radical self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is the byproduct of focusing towards yourself with an attitude of approval.

Ironically, spiritual people are some of the least likely people to engage in a relationship with a soul mate at a young age because in general, they are obsessively committed to the path of self-improvement. To want to “improve” yourself means you are focused negatively on yourself. You are focused on your shortcomings. Continue down this path and you can’t be a vibrational match to (and therefore you can’t experience) a person who sees you as perfect the way you are. We can only be a match to a soul mate, if the things we want to change about ourselves, we want to change because we love ourselves and think the change would add to our happiness; not because we disapprove of ourselves and think the change would make us more lovable. This means, quit trying to change yourself to be in a place to meet someone who will love you.

Instead, find approval for yourself right here and now, exactly as you are as if nothing will ever change about you for the rest of your life. Pretend that every “flaw” you have, you will have till the end and begin to view those flaws in a positive light.

The very best exercise to use in order to line up with your soul mate or twin flame is a self-approval exercise. Every morning when you first wake up, pick one thing that you don’t accept or approve of about yourself. Then, challenge yourself to think outside the box (and elicit help from others to think outside the box) and write a large list of things that make you feel better about that thing and that enable you to approve of that thing instead of disapprove of it. For example, let’s say I hate that I am emotionally unstable. I would write “I’m emotionally unstable” at the top of the page and write a list of things that help me to feel good about the fact that I am emotionally unstable such as:

  • I give other people permission to be where they are
  • I’m dashing the harmful image of the enlightened guru, removed from life itself and life’s ups and downs
  • No suppression
  • Intense periods of self-awareness/growth
  • I make it safe for people to be emotionally in tune and vulnerable
  • I am real, no facades
  • Buddha was emotionally unstable (he ditched his life after an emotional crisis)
  • Crisis leads to self-discovery
  • I draw people into life and it inspires them
  • I know where I am in a relationship and where the relationship is at
  • My relationships are never boring, they are deep and epic
  • When I’m emotionally unstable, I’m not hiding from my partner, he knows exactly how I am and who I am
  • Tons of relationship growth I get emotional love and support from other people when I’m emotionally unstable.
  • I’m a huge mirror for other people
  • If emotions are a guidance system, I have a big internal compass and am less likely to lose my way.
  • I’m healthy and have no addictions because I do not suppress and I cannot escape from the emotions.
  • I create unity powwows around my healing crisis that connect other people.
  • I smash the idea that you have to “get on with it” and “buck up” and go upstream.
  • Stability equals suppression and facades most of the time, which is not a good personality trait.
  • When I’m in anger, I’m not in the victim role, I’m standing up for myself, which I never could do before
  • I’m vulnerable, which takes immense bravery
  • I am transparent
  • I give people permission to acknowledge and honor their feelings instead of ignore them or suppress them.
  • I’m asking for recognition and help, which I couldn’t before. I’m good at asking for help, and now I receive it.
  • I’m proving that life doesn’t fall apart if you let yourself get caught by people.
  • I authentically heal and authentically rally instead of fake it on the exterior while I’m falling apart inside.
  • I am good at rescuing my own inner children; I have to in order to feel better. So, I heal faster than anyone I’ve ever met.
  • I reach awareness quicker.
  • I have excess emotional energy, which makes me a brilliant and successful artist.
  • It’s self expression
  • It makes me a great spiritual teacher, because I can relate to where people are emotionally and the way it feels to be up or down, this makes me relatable to them and it enables me to teach them. I can only teach someone to get out of a state I have been in.
  • I’m a brilliant writer because of this.

In summation, do soul mates or twin flames exist? Yes. This does not mean that you are incomplete without them. It simply means you will feel more complete when you are with them, because being with them brings you closer to the oneness that is the basic premise of this universe. And guess what? If it is a desire of yours to meet a twin or soul mate that means you have one or more. You could not have the desire for them in the first place, if they did not exist and if you were not meant to meet.


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