Unworkability is one of the most obnoxious things to come up against. By definition, it is like hitting a psychological brick wall. But there is a hack for dealing with unworkability, whether you encounter it within yourself or within another person. First, let’s define unworkability as something being completely rigid in the way it is. It is the ultimate form of resistance. To give you just a few examples, someone can have a completely rigid political or religious belief and be totally unwilling to entertain the idea of examining or changing it. Or a person may have a pattern of breaking their word and no matter how much of a problem they consciously know it is, and no matter how many consequences they run into because of it, they keep on breaking their word. Or, a person makes a decision, such as moving to another country and absolutely nothing and no one will cause them to reconsider. Unworkability implies that change is impossible. If you want to learn even more about Unworkability, you can watch my video titled: How To Deal With Unworkability.
But here is THE hack for dealing with unworkability: Find and address the specific pain that is being avoided by keeping the unworkability. Hiding behind any unworkability is deep, and I mean deep pain. Part of that deep pain, will be deep fear. The unworkability serves a person by functioning as a shield. The person is convinced, either consciously or subconsciously that the unworkability keeps them safe from harm. Something both painful and terrifying. But ironically, it is that exact pain as well as the fears inherent in it, which need to be directly taken care of. For example, hiding underneath someone’s unworkable pattern of breaking their word may be the hell of putting all of their energy into someone (ie committing) and being traumatized as a result of it. Therefore, breaking their word keeps them from the horrors they are sure they will face if they truly commit. Or for example, hiding underneath someone’s inability to lose weight no matter what they do may be the pain of never being allowed to have any boundaries without facing violation and with this, the terror of exposure. Therefore, fat has become their way of hiding within themselves, insulating themselves from others and buffering themselves against the world. Or for example, hiding underneath someone’s rigid political belief that all immigrants should be deported, may be the extreme pain of unfairness and prevented access to resources. Maybe the fear that he or she cannot get sufficient healthcare for themselves and their loved ones because the healthcare system is flooded with immigrants instead.
Whatever the case may be, it is critical to identify what pain and with it, what fear is being avoided by keeping whatever unworkability is presenting. The key from there to making that unworkability workable, is to find new and different ways to mitigate that pain as well as new and different strategies for circumventing the things that are feared. For example, if a person was traumatized by being trapped under someone else’s control because they committed to that person, and this is presenting as the unworkable pattern of breaking their word, the trauma of that experience must be compassionately seen, heard, felt and understood. And from there, different and more effective strategies for how to ensure that no one will control them against their best interests must be identified and adopted.
By identifying and lovingly working with the pain and fear hiding underneath the shield of unworkability, what is hard becomes soft. What is immovable becomes movable. What needs tending is finally tended to. And what is unworkable becomes workable.
