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  • The Silence Trick


    Words are a beautiful thing.  There is no denying that verbal language can be one of the best parts about having a relationship with someone and when verbal language is missing, it’s hard to have a relationship.  Words can be a way to express who you really are, how you really feel, what you really think, want and need.  But today we are going to talk about the dark side of words.   Words can easily blind you.  Words are one of the biggest barriers to authenticity.  They can hide almost everything about you.  

    There are so many people on this earth who are not in a place of integrity.  Their words and true thoughts, words and true intentions, words and emotions, words and personal energy, words and actions etc. are completely out of sync.  If we make decisions in our relationship with them based off of what they say, we can get ourselves into a whole lot of trouble.  Here are some examples: A man pursues a woman and tells her that he will do anything it takes to be with her and make her happy because he loves her so much.  But he is consistently emotionally unavailable and focuses his energy on his work.  A friend pledges her never-ending support, but deep down she is jealous and that emotional energy is just waiting for a time to take usurp you.  A father promises to stop drinking and apologizes profusely and it hasn’t been the first time, but deep down he has no intention of doing that, he’s just telling you that so you’ll forgive him today.  A mother says “I’ve always loved you and it’s so hard for me when you don’t see that”, when she spends her time scolding her child and shaming him and looking at her child like he is the reason for everything that went bad in her life.  A person is critical of someone, but is constantly trying to find ways to help them and make the other person like them.  A politician gives speech about his support of minorities but deep down, he hates minorities and is actively signing bills that take away their rights and targets them.  You get the point.  

    I’m going to give you a little trick for figuring people out and really seeing them without the illusion of what they say like a veil between you and them.  I want you to close your eyes and watch your memories of them.  Go back and watch your interactions with them and their interactions with other people as if you were watching people in a movie from 3rd person perspective, like being a fly on the wall.  Only this movie is silent.  Even if you see them speaking in your memories, imagine them on mute so you have no idea what they are saying.  Notice their body language.  See if you can tell what their true feelings are.  What actions are they actually taking?  If you were watching them as if you had never met them before and you were just observing them, what is the truth about this person?  A person is much more likely to feel and act in accordance with their actual truth.  Do you see any discrepancies?  Play this out for at least 10 minutes and see what you notice that you may not have seen or admitted to before.   

    Often, we want to believe something so badly about someone that we let ourselves be blinded and consistently blindsided and disappointed.  We are not in a relationship with what is real; we are in a relationship with illusion.  You can do this exercise with any person who ever was or currently is in your life.  Try it out for yourself, you will be blown away at what it will reveal.