Disidentification is a critical element of spiritual awakening. Because it is so important, people assume that it can only be good. But there is a shadow side to disidentification. Let’s look at this shadow side of disidentification so that you don’t succumb to it. 

First, let’s talk about what disidentification is. Identity is the condition of being oneself.  One… separate self. Another word for this is ego. You cannot have a sense of self without also simultaneously having a sense of other. Whenever we associate something with our self, we identify with it. It becomes part of us. We make it the same as us. This is what attachment really is. It is identification. Before people start down the path of awakening, they are completely identified with their temporal self. The temporal self being this human self that they call by their name. This means they think they are their body, they are their emotions, they are their thoughts, they are whatever relates to their mortal, human self in this one lifetime. Most people are totally ignorant to their non-physical aspect; the one who created the incarnation that they are calling by their name. By the way, people use many names for this aspect. Names like the soul, the higher self, numen, stream of consciousness, eternal witness, essence, spirit, immaterial force and so many more in different languages. They don’t understand that their temporal self is a creation and expression of their non-physical aspect and so, they mistake the temporal self to be the totality of who they are. Really, you could say that a person is two main points of perspective. Non-physical and physical or spiritual and temporal. On the path of awakening, a person begins to gain awareness of their non-physical aspect and starts to disidentify with their ego (their temporal self in this life).

This dis-identification is a profound thing. To dis-identify with something, you must identify it as different to yourself. You must see it as “other” than you. For example, if you would like to dis-identify from your own pain, all you must do is to conceptualize of your pain as a separate entity and when you experience pain, observe the pain as if you were watching this separate entity reacting. In this way, you do not take the pain personally. When you dis-identify, you become able to see things much more objectively. Disidentification allows you to be more aware of the non-physical elements at play in any given situation, it makes it so that you are the observer of your own thoughts, it makes it easy to change beliefs, it tends to make you less emotionally reactive, it allows you to not resist the ever-changing conditions of your body. It allows you to change roles and be more flexible as a being. It causes you to be able to let go of what no longer serves you, change and adopt what does. It helps you to let go of the past and be far more present in the here and now. There are many more benefits to disidentification. Because of what it is, it makes people feel better. And because of this, it can be used as a coping mechanism and drag us deep into the shadow expression of dis-identification. 

When people are in enough emotional pain, sometimes they detach from their emotions all together. This is sometimes called emotional blunting. And sometimes when people are in enough physical pain, they disconnect from their body, this is often called dissociation. This is to intentionally create a separation between our consciousness and the thing that is in pain, so that we don’t experience that pain. If we understand this concept, we can then move to an understanding of the shadow side of dis-identification. It is when we identify the problem that is causing us pain as being our temporal, human self. And so, we choose to separate ourself from it, so as to get away from it. It is radical self dis-ownership. Our temporal human self is in pain and we don’t want to be experiencing that pain anymore and so, we disconnect from it and detach from it and dis-identify with it and no longer consider it to be a part of us. This is the most extreme form of self-abandonment that a person can exact upon themselves. They no longer see any aspect of their ego or temporal form as “theirs”. And as a result, remain disconnected from those things, deny them, refuse to acknowledge them, renounce them, minimize them and see those things as invalid to them. No greater cruelty can be exacted upon your temporal self. And as if this is not bad enough, the doing so is often justified with spiritual beliefs and even spiritual truths. Things like: “The purpose of life is to transcend the illusion of the physical plane”. Or “the body is simply a vessel for the divine”. Or “you are not your body and you are not your mind”. Or “strong emotion only arises as the result of attachment to that which is not you.” etc. The shadow side of disidentification is a deep state of resistance because the entire process is done out of resistance to the self. Resistance to the ego. 

This coping mechanism of dis-identification is absolutely rampant in the religious and spiritual communities because the focus of these communities is the non-temporal and so many people within these communities are using religion and spirituality for pain relief. And because it is working for them to feel less pain using this coping mechanism, they are all encouraging each-other to do so and presenting each other beliefs that support the idea that you should do so. These communities support this coping mechanism in the same way that bars support the use of alcohol as a coping mechanism.    

The absolute tragedy about this is that people who are effectively using dis-identification as a coping mechanism to blunt their conscious experience of their temporal self, are often considered by others to be the most awakened and enlightened of them all. They are considered to be transcendent and “above it all”.

So that you can understand this better, I’ll give you an example. Eeshan grew up in rural India. He was very, very smart from the get go and because of this, could not simply accept and believe anything that he had not experienced himself. He was fairly non-compliant. His father would consistently berate him. And his mother was very manipulative to try to get Eeshan to do what she wanted him to do for her sake. She was especially prone to victim control dramas. His grandfather, who was his only safe attachment figure, died when he was seven and as a result, the family had to move to a major city and he was put in school for the first time, which for Eeshan, was a jail. Eeshan ended up in more and more and more pain until he became suicidal. One day in his early twenties, he wandered into a Ganesha temple and felt immediate relief. He became interested in studying about spiritual philosophy. As he did this, he met many gurus. 

Eeshan had an epiphany one day that there were two parts of himself. The part of himself that was miserable, that he couldn’t live with anymore and the part of him that was watching or able to observe that part. He came to the conclusion that the one that was watching, was his real self. His soul. The Eeshan that existed before this life and that will exist after. And he came to the conclusion that the other part was his ego. Not his real self. This caused an inner shift whereby he drastically identified with his non-physical self and drastically disidentified from his temporal self. His “unhappy self”. He no longer saw any of his temporal self that he calls by the name Eeshan as him or as his. He radically disowned it. This is not my body and my body is not who I am. It is not me that is in pain, it is this ego and this emotional body that is in pain and that is conditioned in such a way to stay in pain. These are not my emotions. They are just reactions that I am watching happen in this body that isn’t me. When Eeshan would experience an emotion, he would not see as ‘his’ emotion. He would minimize it and see as totally invalid to him, refusing to engage with the language of felt perception. As a result, he may have been observant of the things going on within his temporal self, but he was unresponsive to it. He was dismissive towards anything that related to his temporal self. He did not act in a considerate, caring and loving way towards it. Eeshan had effectively disowned his human self.

The thing is, in this state of disconnection and separation from his own temporal self, he was very, very non-reactive. He felt very at peace. Truly, he felt very little. He spent all of his conscious energy in the non-physical planes due to being solely identified with his non-physical aspect. And as such, people started to regard him as someone to follow and emulate. A teacher. Eeshan gained a very large following and went on to teach people that the solution to their suffering, is to dis-identify from their temporal self. But he was not simply teaching them to dis-identify from their temporal self. He was teaching them to disconnect from it, to dismiss it and to disown it.       

Here is a rule that you need to follow so as to not fall into this shadow side of dis-identification. There can be no healthy dis-identification without radical self-ownership. You cannot dis-identify from the ego without owning the ego as a cherished part of you. You need to be loving, caretaking, responsive, valuing of all aspects of your temporal self. You must integrate physical and nonphysical, temporal and non-temporal. The point of expansion of consciousness is not to wake up from some illusion and realize that you are not your body and you are not your emotions and you are not your mind and you are not the you that you call by your name and you are not human. The point of expansion of consciousness is to understand that you are your body, and at the same time, you are not. You are your emotions and at the same time, you are not. You are your mind and at the same time, you are not. You are human and at the very same time, you are not. you are the you that you call by your name, and at the very same time, you are not. You must hold dichotomy. As such, one of the intentions of dis-identification from the temporal self must be to better own and caretake and integrate the aspect of you that is temporal. The you that you call by your name. This is meant to be a harmonious marriage between your non-physical aspect and your temporal, human self in this life.   

The hardest part of spiritual practice is the complimentary contradictions inherent in a multidimensional universe. Ultimately, the highest truth is that all is one. The painter is one with the painting. And so, any form of dis-identification must not be done to enhance ‘self’ and ‘otherness’ in this universe. Nothing is other than you, not your mind, not your body, not your emotions, not other people, not your kitchen table, not your dog, not the clouds nor the cement on the sidewalk. But to even see, much less experience and live in alignment with this truth, we must first dis-identify with the very things that are keeping us locked in our own intense sense of identity.