Life on earth, creation itself is the byproduct of sexual energy. Sexual energy and conception/creation go hand in hand. And so you can see that sex and orgasm has an element of extreme creative force to it. The question is what are you conceiving or creating? What does this mean for those of us who are practicing the art of manifestation? It means that sexual focus is one of the most powerful tools for manifestation that you can possibly imagine. To understand more about this, watch my video on YouTube titled: How To Use An Orgasm To Manifest. Nothing matters more than what you are focusing on and feeling the experience of in the moment of orgasm. What you focus on, especially on a feeling based level, is what you are trying to conceive and manifest into your reality.
In the minute of orgasm the accumulated energy that is building up is released. That powerful burst of energy is released towards what you desire to create with the subconscious intention of manifesting it into reality. Even the most unconscious people walking the planet today instinctually feel that link between sex and creation/manifestation. Even the most unconscious people walking the planet today also feel the undeniable link between DESIRE and sex.
But the reality is that most people walking the planet are unconscious of their genuine desires. Most people feel the desire for a person or a thing, but do not understand why they feel the strong desire for that thing.
This is why we struggle and fail to understand what is really going on at a fundamental level with sexual fetishes.
Here’s the secret behind all sexual fetishes. Behind each one of them is something that we want to experience (usually an emotional state) that we feel utterly deprived of and desperate to experience. But that we believe we cannot have or create directly. We are fixated on that desire subconsciously and thus fixated on that fetish. And yes, this applies even to the really weird fetishes.
I’ll give you an example. There is a fetish called maiesiophelia, which is a sexual fetish for the birth cycle that includes conception, pregnancy and birth. People with this fetish usually have a fixation on one or two all of these parts of the process. I was working with a woman whose fetish centered around birth specifically. When we got down to exactly what she was fixated on during her sexual fantasizing, it was how the man in the situation completely recognized her pain and was completely unconditionally present with it, comforting her through it.
When we got deep into her childhood we found out that she was being abused badly as a child by someone outside the family and the most painful part of that abuse was that her mother and father did not see it. Not only could they not see the abuse itself, they refused to really accept and acknowledge her pain that was the result of it. When she was unhappy and hurting, they minimized it, invalidated it, shamed her for it and withdrew from her.
When she was young, she watched a program on the television on birth and when she saw the image of a husband supporting his wife through the process of labor, she felt what she had always wanted. She was desperate for that exact reaction from her attachment figures in response to her pain. All of this was unconscious and took place as the somatic sensation of what she’s always wanted as opposed to the mental understanding about this being what she’s always wanted and why. As a result the idea was that the way to get that need satisfied was to actually give birth, because she had such a strong belief that to get that desire met in any way outside that scenario was impossible. So, she thought about it every time she masturbated and eventually it became a full-blown fetish. Unconsciously, by fixating sexually and through orgasm on that experience, she was trying to manifest it into reality desperately.
And this is the reality behind all fetishes no matter how conventional or extreme they may be. Keep in mind that if I take two people with the same fetish, the one fetish may actually be a way of achieving different desires for each person. However, there are some common trends. I’ll list some of them.
Many men whose fetish is blowjobs usually are missing the experience of feeling like the center of undivided attention; adored and special enough to have someone simply give to them with no hope of getting anything from them. They usually grew up in families where their attachment figures were absorbed in themselves and their own drama or self centered interests and to whom they felt like an invisible accessory. A blowjob brings them the closest they can come, because of their belief that they cannot get that any other way, to creating that somatic state which they are so desperate for.
Many people (especially boys) who experience a foot fetish, experienced situations when they were babies at the age where they were lying or crawling on the floor where they desperately wanted the pleasure of closeness and one on one connection/undivided attention from their moms, especially busy moms who had lots of things going on at once, like a busy household where there wasn’t much time for one on one. And the closest they could get to that ecstasy of one on one absorption, was their feet. Either watching her walk around the room or chasing after her crawling as she walked or having her tickle them with her feet as she walked by. As a result, they believe they cannot get that in day-to-day life with a woman but the closest they can get, is feet. Feet become the symbol of that feeling experience they desperately want of the pleasure of one on one absorption, intimacy and connection.
Many people who love being abused during sex show a trend towards having pasts where they had to be in control, responsible in situations where they didn’t want to be or were not ready to be. And be strong even when they felt like collapsing under pressure. Many had parents who would not stand for anything that they perceived as weakness and who either punished weakness with withdrawal, invalidation or shaming. The result is a person who is created to withstand tons of pressure. Control and responsibility are an immense pressure. By being abused during sex, they get to lose control and with that sense of control. The weight of responsibility comes off their shoulders and is assumed by the dominant partner. They can let go completely. They can feel the relief of weakness in a way that will not leave them alone for being that way because it is what the dominant partner wants. A sexual fetish around being abused is their attempt to manifest being able to let go of pressure, responsibility and control and still be loved by someone in that state instead of abandoned, shamed or invalidated for it.
Many people who love abusing or subjugating others during sex show a trend towards pasts where to the exact opposite, they were chronically put in positions of complete and utter powerlessness. Situations where they felt no control and their weakness was exploited. This is why it is so common for especially men with this fetish to come from childhoods with a chronically physically abusive parent and an enabler parent who did not protect them. By abusing during sex they get to feel the relief and safety of a sense of control, personal power and sovereignty where other people’s experience gets to be in their hands instead of the other way around. They believe they cannot have this experience in daily life and so, they fixate on this sexual experience in a subconscious attempt to manifest this experience into their lives.
Let’s dare to go even darker. Suspending the concept of right or wrong and simply looking at this concept of fetishes hiding a desperate desire that a person does not feel like they can create in day to day life, take a look at necrophilia. A fetish involving sex with a corpse. Many times, these people experience extreme poor self-esteem. Many times, this sets in as a result of a severe loss. As a result, they often experienced extreme trauma around the experience of being rejected and or being pushed away and having someone they want not give themselves to them. By having sex with a dead body, it is impossible for them to be resisted or pushed away. In their minds, the person (who is in fact dead) cannot refuse, resist, reject, push them away or refuse to give themselves to them. And many times, this rejection trauma involves the perception or the actuality that someone has died. Thus some necrophiliacs actually fantasize reviving the dead body through sex. This type of necrophiliac does not believe it is possible to have what they really want, which is to fully have (the opposite of lose) someone who will not ever reject them, and who will instead completely draw them close with no resistance whatsoever.
For the sake of your own awareness, take a look at your own sexual trends and if they go so far as fetishes, look at those fetishes through the lens of what feeling experience you are desperate to manifest in your day-to-day life, but feel incapable of manifesting. What hidden cry is lurking underneath your fetish?
The reality that most of us do not want to accept is that it doesn’t matter whether we judge fetishes as criminal or right or wrong or functional or dysfunctional, the truth of the matter is that under each one is a desired feeling experience. But that due to a person’s life experience they feel utterly powerless yet utterly desperate to manifest. And we can only call ourselves conscious when we figure out what that desired experience is. We can only call ourselves compassionate when we understand, see, feel and hear that hidden cry for what is really wanted underneath each fetish.