When it comes to abundance, which money is an integral part of in today’s world, it isn’t just about finding a way to get what you want. It’s about what is blocking you from getting what you want. Every person alive has internal blocks to getting what they want. And nearly every person alive has internal blocks related to money. But today, I’m going to reveal to you the number one thing that is blocking their financial abundance. I’m going to tell you what it is first and then explain it in total detail so you really get it and can apply this knowledge in your own life.
The number one thing that blocks people’s financial abundance is: Beliefs and their corresponding behaviors that block the things you want (beliefs that block money) but that maintain negative loyalties to the people you care about.
Human beings are a profoundly relationally dependent species. Our capacity to survive and thrive is dependent on our relationships. This is a beautiful thing because it could make us masters of interdependence and symbiosis. But to the opposite, it can open the door for some serious dysfunction. As a person your sense of survival and beyond that wellbeing is linked to your level of closeness and alignment with the people in your life. So, on a totally subconscious level, you adopt beliefs and tell yourself and everyone else stories that keep you aligned with, in confluence with, experiencing closeness with and allied to other people (most especially our early caregivers, such as your parents); but those beliefs and stories may be detrimental to your wellbeing and best interests. If these beliefs block you from what you want and need, they are detrimental.
So, just to be crystal clear, a negative loyalty pattern can take on many, many forms. But the function is the same: It is a belief and/or behavior that keeps you aligned with, in confluence with, experiencing closeness with and allied to another person (most especially our early caregivers, such as our parents); but that is detrimental to your wellbeing and best interests. If you want to learn more about this, you can watch my video titled: What Is a Negative Loyalty Pattern?
So now you’re probably wondering, how does this exactly work. How does a negative loyalty pattern block financial abundance? To explain this, I’m going to give you some examples. Let’s say you have a mother who feels burdened by you, she doesn’t actually want to be caretaking you. And a lot of the elements of caretaking are about providership and therefore your mother is your first experience of abundance. You are likely to adopt a belief that you don’t deserve abundance in order to keep yourself feeling close to your mother. After all, if you did believe that you deserve abundance, what would that have meant about your mother and her relationship with you?
Or for example, let’s do a super common one. Say you’re a little toddler and you crawl towards the thigs you want and the people in your life keep picking you up and pulling you away from the things you are trying to reach. You may adopt the belief “I’m not going to get what I want in life, there is no point to going for it.” But this belief keeps you from facing that fact that the people in your life keep acting as an oppositional force to your desires, rather than a supporting force to your desires. It keeps you allied with them.
Or for example, say you grew up in a wealthy family and you spent your childhood always watching your dad working and making money and never having any time for you. So, you develop the belief that making money keeps you away from relationships. as a result, you feel resistance to focusing on making money and end up the one person in the family that isn’t very financially successful. But what you don’t see is that this belief, this story you tell yourself covers for the fact that your dad isn’t actually dedicated to having relationships, including with his kids. You never put it together that dad does make time for golf. He makes time for the things he wants to do. This belief about money can cover over for the reality that your dad did not want to put energy and time and effort into the relationship with you. The belief that money keeps you away from relationships limits your abundance because you won’t go for money. Because focusing on money will make you feel alone. It’s basically a built-in shock collar against money. But it does keep you more close to your father, more “with him” than admitting that it wasn’t money that kept him away from you, he chose to do that all on his own.
It is worth a special mention that beliefs around your worthiness or deserving of the things you want, have an especially direct link to these negative loyalty patterns that effect abundance.
Something important to get is that thoughts, most especially beliefs, they shape our perception of reality. And we behave according to our perception of reality. Beliefs create behavior. So, if we have these beliefs that are oppositional to the things we want, including money, we will be making decisions and acting in ways that are oppositional to getting the things we want. We will be acting in ways that are oppositional to money. It is in essence, a form of what we often call self-sabotage. The thing is, self-sabotage is really just about a part of us believing that a certain behavior is in fact in our best interests, even if it comes with serious consequences. To learn more about this, you can watch my video titled: There is No Such Thing as Self Sabotage.
Everyone has these beliefs that help them to stay connected to the people they love the most. And don’t let your anger or resistance fool you. You are probably still maintaining loyalty to people who you loved and were hurt by and who you think you hate or have even “let go of”!
So, how do you find these beliefs? And what do you do with them once you find them? You want to look at your desires.
As a person, you are constantly wanting. Identify something you want and then ask yourself, why am I not able to have that? And answer this question by making a list of reasons. There are likely to be several answers. I just want you to put down whatever comes to mind. You don’t have to be right. The goal is to get yourself to vomit up all kinds of thoughts that you have been thinking. For example: I want to be a millionaire. Why am I not able to have that? Who am I to be a millionaire. Everyone wants to be a millionaire; it doesn’t mean everyone can be. I don’t have any good ideas. The chance of me winning the lottery is like one in 80 million. Every millionaire I have ever met has a more aggressive, go getter personality than me. Etc.
Any question you could ever ask yourself regarding WHY you don’t have finances or the things you want, point to these beliefs as well. Such as: Why do other people have wealth, regardless of whether they are good people or not, and I don’t?
It is important to really get that money is really only a tool people use in order to get what they want. So, it isn’t about money, it’s about the things you want. But, you can do this exercise relative to something specific you want, or/and you can this exercise relative to money in and of itself.
These beliefs are inherent in any point of resistance you hit to what you want. I want fill in the blank (limit, limit, prevention, block). For example: I want money (money ruins society, money is hard to come by, the only way I can make more money is to work more and I am already too maxed out at work, no one I know has money etc).
Once you find these beliefs, with each one, ask yourself, if I were to maintain this belief to preserve my idea of someone or my view of someone, who would that someone be? And how would this believe manage to do that?
You can also ask yourself: Having this thing that I want… Maybe even having everything I could ever want… This would be a problem for who? And why would it be a problem for them? Based on the answer, you can also probably identify other beliefs that you have adopted to stay allied with them.
The good news is, once you see this emotional superglue purpose behind these beliefs, it loosens them in your being. After all, if we are telling ourselves this in order to maintain our closeness and loyalty to someone, is it really true? You can then change them. To change them, you want to ask yourself with each belief, can I know that this is 100%, beyond the shadow of a doubt true? You also want to spend a moment thinking about what kinds of thoughts you think, how you feel, what decisions you make, ways you act and actions you have taken and continue to take, or didn’t take and refuse to take when you believe that thought.
From there, you want to do the following:
Come up with alternative evidence and proof to destroy the belief a well as to destroy the emotional payoff you are getting from keeping that belief (prove it doesn’t keep you close/loyal to the person this belief serves that purpose for).
Choose what belief you would like to replace the previous one with.
Write down evidence to support this new belief and proof that backs up this new belief, so that you develop a belief in it instead.
So, let’s say that you discover the belief: It takes time to make money because there’s lots of steps you need to take. Let’s say that you realize that this belief would serve your father because he had to slowly climb the ladder and work hard to be successful. If you were to make more money and quickly, without needing to jump through the hoops that he had to jump through, you may feel a loss of belonging with him. The father-son relationship you grew up where he is teaching you about the world and how to make it at a man would change. You may feel like you surpassed your dad, and that is terrifying because suddenly it feels like you’re alone in the world. You may feel guilty or like a bad person for causing a potential self-esteem collapse in your dad, so you are trying to maintain your sense of goodness.
You ask yourself: It takes time to make money… Am I 100% sure that it is true? No. Then you ponder what kinds of thoughts you think, how you feel, what decisions you make, ways you act and actions you have taken and continue to take, or didn’t take and refuse to take when you believe that thought. The answer may be: I think about how I will never be able to buy a house in time to have kids. I see images of myself being so embarrassed by telling people I rent. I feel limited. I feel a sense of doom. I feel like I have to limit myself so as to save money. I never let myself do enjoyable things because I save all of my money. I keep my stable job, where I am limited as far as how much I can make. I don’t take any opportunities that seem risky, even if the financial rewards could be incredible. I act obnoxious towards other people because if they are excited about a financial opportunity, I shoot it down. I keep myself small and I hate myself for it because it isn’t authentic. I am so jealous of anyone who makes a success of themselves quickly.
From here, you find Alternative evidence to shoot holes in your belief that it takes time to make money and the emotional payoff you get. For example, hard work and time are not the only inputs for financial success. Offering value and solving a problem instantly matter as much or more. I am not actually a good person if I am limiting myself because I would be also limiting my father in terms of what he can achieve. I’m not actually close to my dad if he needs me to be smaller than he is to have a good relationship with him. Plenty of people make so much money every hour just be virtue of the job they do and it has nothing to do with time.
Now let’s say that the new belief that you may want to have could be that money can come quickly and easily. You come up with proof that this is true. For example, you might say: There were a few times where I landed a huge deal in one day because my client knew someone else looking for the solution I was offering. The way that technology is rapidly developing turns many people into overnight successes. The richest people in the world say that making money is not about time, it is about having the right idea.
Keep in mind that I have given you an example which gives you a taste of what you should be doing. In reality, you need to find far more proof for both shooting holes in the old belief and supporting the new belief.
If you are interested, you can also do turn arounds for a belief. Such as: Let’s say I have the belief: Money is hard to earn. Some examples of turn arounds for this belief are: Money is easy to earn. Poverty is hard to earn. Money is hard to be gifted. I am hard to earn. And challenge yourself to think outside the box so as to come up with at least four items of proof that this turn around is as true or more so than the original belief. If you really want to dive deep into how to do turn arounds for beliefs, Byron Katie’s process called THE WORK is great for this.
Because negative loyalty patterns are the number one block for finances, don’t forget to challenge any belief that having money or having any one thing that you want is oppositional to relationships. For example, if I get rich, I won’t belong anymore. Or money corrupts people.
In case you are interested, I have an entire vault of meditations that are designed to overhaul your mentality and personal vibration around abundance and finances. The Vault is here.
It is my intention that this exercise frees up those things that are keeping you away from whatever it is that you are wanting. And that as a result, you line up instantly with whatever it is that you have been wanting. Just remember that finances are a gateway to having what you want. But not if you believe that finances themselves are the limitation to having what you want.
