When unwanted or bad things happen, it often feels like there are forces against you. You may even feel like the universe itself is somehow against you and like the situation is simply fully negative and detrimental. This makes it much harder to accept what is and also causes us to go into a state of resistance. Today, I’m going to share with you a spiritual exercise that will pull you out of that state of resistance, as well as potentially bring you more into alignment with the universe at large.
First, I’m going to tell you a story about an ant. Imagine that somewhere in Texas, there is an ant who is dreaming of a more cooperative colony. Imagine that I knew for a fact that this ant would find the exact colony he is wanting in Africa. So, I put him in a little jar, take him away from his existing colony and put him on an airplane bound for Africa. I know that what he is wanting is going to come to him as a direct result of what he is experiencing. I know that it is FOR him. Yet, will this be the experience that the ant is going to have? No. He will think his world has ended. He will think he has lost everyone and everything. He will experience terror and pain and tell himself that this is the worst thing to ever happen to him. He will go into crisis.
In our subjective life experience, we do not have the same degree of objective perspective that the universe at large does. And so, the universe is very often in my position in this ant scenario, but relative to you. I don’t want this example to put the idea in your mind that you are simply an ignorant chess piece that is being played by the universe or Source or God, whatever you wish to call it. But there is a great deal of orchestration going on in this universe. Much of which you vote for and ask for with your thoughts, words, actions and desires. And that orchestration is being done from a bigger picture awareness. From our perspective, what is not a straight line to what we want and to what is good for us, may in fact be the straightest line there is to both; from a higher perspective.
Every one of us can think back to at least one time where something good, potentially even better than we could have imagined, came as the direct result of something bad. What if you had known that would happen in advance? Would it have changed your relationship to the bad thing that happened in any way? Would it have helped you to accept or embrace what was happening in any way? A potent spiritual exercise that you can do, is to brainstorm how the universe might be FOR you by bringing a situation into your life. Or put differently, how it might be FOR you for a situation to be happening.
To do this exercise, it is very beneficial to write rather than to simply think. Doing so makes thoughts more solid. The objective is to act like a detective trying to crack the existential case or a lawyer whose job it is to argue for how what is happening could be for you. Some things to consider when you are doing this exercise are:
*Reality contains both the polarity of positive and negative. What are some of the positives inherent in the reality of the situation?
*Is there anything you appreciate about any element of this negative situation, no matter how small?
*What strength might you be developing?
*What ability or skill might you be developing?
*How is this experience giving you an advantage over others?
*How are you changing as a result of this experience and how might that serve you?
*How might what is happening make you better suited to what you truly want?
*Have you discovered anything new that you appreciate or love as a part of what is happening?
*If someone else was going through what you are going through, how might it serve them or be a blessing in disguise?
*Is what is happening making you aware of anything new about yourself and what matters to you?
*Is there anything you like about yourself better since this experience as opposed to before this experience?
*Is this experience making you aware of any limitations you have had that you need to break through to get what you want or to become who you want to be?
*Has this experience freed you from anything?
*If you continued down the path that you were on with everything staying the same, and this experience never happened, how might that not benefit you? And what might you be missing out on? And how might that lead to something unwanted?
*How might this be bringing you closer to your desires, rather than further away?
*What does this make possible?
*What positive experiences might be happening now that are outside your comfort zone in a good way?
*If this were not just an end to something good, but a beginning of something good, what might it be the beginning of?
*What is this situation asking of you and for what positive purpose?
*Even if it is bittersweet, what beauty have you seen during this process?
*What has this caused you to be more grateful for and to take more appreciative notice of?
*What has this caused you to be more committed to?
*If you were sitting in front of your grandchildren, what might you tell them about this situation? What lesson might it contain for them?
*What has this situation made you aware that you are capable of, that you didn’t feel capable of before?
*What new people have you met as a result of this experience?
*How will this situation cause you to do things differently and how might doing things differently in that way, lead to better results?
*What have you learned in this situation or as a result of this situation? And how does that give you an advantage?
*What if you looked at this situation through the eyes of your future self?
*If this were leading you to something great, what might this be leading you to?
*If everything had stayed the same, and this had never happened, what might you regret never experiencing?
*Has this situation made you aware of a gift you have to give others?
*If you planned for this experience and even chose it for yourself before this life, why might you have done that?
If you feel more like making this a group exercise, you can involve other people in the brainstorming of how the situation you select might be FOR you. So that you can see an example of this exercise, here is one that was submitted by Makayla, a woman in her early 20’s:
“So, I thought about this for a while such as my recent breakup, not having enough money, and my health issues but if I’m honest, what is bugging me the most and affecting me on a daily basis is what happened in my childhood.
When I was young, I had been sexually abused by my father and no one in my family did anything about it. I was suffering with this all by myself while my mom made it all the worse by constantly belittling me and making me the family problem. Even the ways I tried to cope with the abuse were made wrong. For example, when I had depression and was lying in bed, my mom would storm into my room, screaming at me to get up and do something with my life. I was constantly criticized in all the ways you can possibly criticize someone. She criticized my appearance because I wasn’t making myself look presentable enough when part of why I didn’t put any energy into my looks to begin with was because I already felt worthless. I was constantly told I wasn’t smart enough because I didn’t get good enough grades in their eyes. There was little to no possible feedback I received from anyone.
When I was in elementary school, the so-called “friends” I had would make fun of me, belittle me, and ditch me for other people they found cooler and more relatable. “You are worthless” is a message I got from everyone and everywhere. I was completely isolated on all levels. Because of this, for most of my life, I have struggled with deep shame, self-hate, OCD, anxiety, and hopelessness.
So how was all of this for me? I am now incredibly skilled at recognizing patterns in people and situations, which has helped me in relationships. Unlike many people who were able to cope with overlays and fantasy in their childhood (like my sister who was the golden child), I was always in reality and never had rose-colored glasses on about people or life. I watched my sister struggle in her 20s because of all the fantasies that were shattering for her. I will never have to experience this type of pain. This also makes it so that I am more capable of relationships because I can be both in the positive and negative realities about people.
If I hadn’t gone through this experience, I would’ve been embroiled in family patterns and societal expectations. I see my peers struggling with a lack of meaning in their life. They seem to care more about their appearance, status on social media, and keeping up with trends so that they can feel good about themselves and stuck in surface level relationships. They don’t feel like they have a solid place in the world. They are not in touch with anything that is real or authentic about them. I could never anchor my self-esteem into this because it was completely destroyed from the get go. I could never really let go of what is real for me even if it was under attack everyday. As the scapegoat of the family, I could literally not adapt to the expectations other people had of me, especially my family.
I saw how my sister was caught in the rat race of trying to prove to my parents her worth through performing at things that they deemed as important and of value. She completely lost touch with herself and her intrinsic value. She needed to spend years having to sort out what is her vs not her. I have never been able to let go of my core self.
My suffering has broken me free from petty things so I am very aware of what matters. I am not stressed out about the way my life needs to be to impress others like needing to have this “picture perfect” image. I am not susceptible to peer pressure at all. A lot my peers may feel they need to drink or party or have a lot of friends or be popular - to be accepted. But I have a really strong sense of what I value. Because of this, I am able to have more compatible and authentic relationships that are based on what is genuine for me. I am able to prioritize what matters from the understanding of the greater picture of my life. What matters to me is having incredibly connected relationships with people who are in touch with what is real, people who value honesty, people who care about other people outside of themselves, etc. What happened to me has made me highly aware of my needs and desires in relationships so I am closer to what I want than most people are.
I am also stronger than most people I know. I am actually able to take pain for the things I want and not give up if something gets hard. I notice people struggling with accepting pain and contrast as a part of life and as a part of getting what they want. People are trying to cope with or adapt to painful situations in their life. I am able to be in a conscious relationship with pain because I was unable to adapt, cope with, or run away from pain.
I never do anything with the sole motivation of getting positive feedback from others. I will not be swayed in something I believe or am passionate about just because of opposing opinions. I have a greater sense of integrity because of this. I am solid in who I am. I cannot separate from what matters to me in life.”
When something bad happens, you should not bypass the painful emotions you feel and the information contained within them by jumping straight into any exercise (including this one) that is designed to have you become aware of the positives or potential positives of the reality you are facing. The first step should be to go directly into the painful emotions. For this reason, when something bad happens, the first thing to do is an exercise that helps you to become aware of and to feel your emotions and become aware of the personal truths they contain. Something like The Emotional Experiencing Process. If you want to learn how to do that, you can watch my video that is titled: How To Do The Emotional Experiencing Process. You can treat exercises like this one, which bring you into a more positive state of being as a step two. What you want to make sure of, is that you are not using any exercise (including this one) as a way to deny, negate, suppress, avoid or escape from the reality of how you feel. This exercise is meant to be done as a loving assistance to yourself, not out of resistance to yourself. Doing this exercise is not meant to negate anything. Afterall, the ant in our earlier scenario did experience super painful things in his process. The arrival at the ant colony he desires, did not make that pain he went through suddenly not real or not happen. But it did change his perspective on the whole process for the better and he does now feel like it was FOR him, rather than against him. As a sidenote to this, a video that will benefit you to watch if you are going through something panful is: The Gates (The Great Untold Prerequisite To Getting What You Want).
Doing this exercise will pull you into alignment with the bigger picture orchestration of your life experience. It will help you to come out of a state of resistance to what is happening. It will open you up to seeing opportunities and upsides inherent in the situation that you were unable to see before. It may even cause you to make different decisions and take different actions, ones that are far more in alignment with your actual best interests.
