One of the most common complaints from women the world over is that they want to be in their feminine energy, but they are in a situation that makes it impossible to do so. For example, they don’t have any man in their life providing a masculine container, or they are in a relationship with a man who has flipped the polarity dynamics in the relationship or they are in an unsafe or high-pressure environment, or they were so traumatized or even masculinized as a child that they can’t seem to get out of their own masculine shield or they may be in a career that absolutely requires masculine characteristics. Seeing as how this is such a hard and painful experience for a woman, today I’m going to share with you a simple hack for getting into your feminine energy, no matter what situation you may find yourself in.
Once upon a time, I did a video titled: What Every Man Needs to Know About Women. In that video, I explained that while fear is something that everyone experiences, fear plays a different role in the lives of men and women. For most woman, fear is the baseline experience of her life, whether she is consciously aware of it or not. Women respond differently to fear than men do. And when a woman is either unsafe, or perceives herself to be, what tends to happen is that she responds to that by putting up a masculine shield. She will begin armoring. There are some characteristics of feminine energy that are very hard to bring forward in these kinds of scenarios. Things like softness, gentleness, sensitivity, kindness, tenderness, supportiveness, openness, expression of emotions, receptivity and nurturing. In most unsafe or high-pressure situations, these traits make you vulnerable. And so, they get hidden deep beneath a masculine shield. Essentially, a woman brings forth masculine qualities (including shadow masculine qualities) to keep herself safe. Things like warrior energy, strength, assertiveness, bravery, hyper responsibility, initiation, drive for success, action, independence, leadership, aggression, hardness or harshness, dominance and control. Another way of looking at this, is that she brings forth protector behaviors that keep her safer. But this is not a state that is conducive to health in the female system. This armoring pulls a woman out of alignment. If it is maintained over long periods of time, it causes sickness in her mental body, emotional body and physical body. It causes her to suffer on all levels.
It's worth mentioning that the women who you will see bring forth traits like softness, openness, receptivity and nurturing when they feel unsafe, grew up in and/or are currently in very specific environments… Ones in which she is safer when she exhibits those traits. For example, she may have grown up in a society where females were punished for any kind of empowered behavior and who were only safe (and whose needs were only met) when they behaved in weak ways that were not a threat to the men around them. Or for example, a woman might be super nurturing and affectionate with a man when she feels unsafe, as a way of controlling his behavior in whatever way she wants to control it. Or a woman might behave in soft and receptive ways because she has learned that this is what will motivate someone to step up and protect her. We have the tendency, when we think of protector personalities, to only think of masculine protectors. The reality is, a person is going to put forth whatever specific traits kept them safe, or whatever specific traits they THINK will keep them safe. Whether that trait is more feminine, or more masculine. But it is far more common that it is the masculine traits that a person will bring forth in the face of the unsafety they encounter here on earth and most especially in human society because this current society we live in, was made by men and for men.
Where a great many feminine traits function best, is within a masculine container. To conceptualize of masculine containment, imagine that in a relationship, a man is a clam shell and a woman is a pearl inside that clam shell. This masculine clam shell is creating a safe, nourishing space in which the female can exist or occur. It enables a woman to be soft, open, receptive and to grow. If you imagine removing that masculine shell, the female immediately contracts, goes rigid and into a state of defense. It is a coping mechanism rather than a natural feel-good state of being. She is forced to compensate for the lack of that masculine shell by becoming masculine herself. And this causes a ‘flip’ in polarity. To understand more about this, you can watch my video titled: Containment, what a Woman Needs from a Man in a Relationship.
In a tribal setting, which is the social structure that is natural for our species, there are many men who are providing this containment for each woman. And so, it would be rare for a woman to find herself in a position where she lacked containment. Alas, since our species became agrarian, there has been progressively less and less containment for women. And in today’s modern world, it is an absolute crisis. Today, whether we are men or women, we are desperately under resourced. We are also not made for the ever-present stressors that cause us to feel unsafe today for extended periods of time. In other words, we were biologically designed to deal with the stress of being chased by a predator, or a fight breaking out. But not being stuck in a distressing relationship pattern day after day or the chronic presence of cyber bullying or workplace stress from 9 to 5. And this has led to a modern reality where so many women around the world are in a chronic state of unsafety. And as a result, are becoming increasingly more and more masculinized.
The ideal situation is that every woman can find a life and relationships in which she feels safe. This will naturally bring forth these cherished feminine qualities, including those that are on the vulnerability spectrum. But the reality of today is that many women are not in this situation and are desperately in pain because they want to be in their feminine energy, but they feel like they can’t because they are not in a situation that is conducive to it. And this, feels like a very powerless space to be, because being able to be in your feminine essence feels like it is totally dependent on the external world and other people. And let’s be honest, they seem to be doing their very best to make it impossible. But today, I want to offer you a hack for being in your feminine energy, something that is not dependent on you being in a safe situation or on you having a man to provide containment.
The hack is this… There are many traits that are feminine that do not depend on being in a low pressure, safe situation or on having masculine containment. Therefore, instead of trying to bring forth the feminine traits that fall on the vulnerable spectrum for you, bring forth the ones that don’t. Softness might be something that you can’t bring forth, but flexibility on the other hand is a quality of the feminine, and it is something that you can embody no matter how safe or unsafe you might be; because it is a feminine quality that can keep you safer in a great many situations. Or for example, your body, which is currently armored, might feel like solid steel. You may not be able to bring forth openness or receptivity. But water is an element of the feminine. And there is nothing weak about water. Just look what water can do on this earth. And so, you can focus on bringing forth the many qualities of water and practice seeing your body as water rather than steel. Or for example, you may not be able to bring forth nurturing energy or behavior. But offering your intuition or wisdom might be something that causes you no pain to bring forth, no matter the situation you find yourself in. Or for example, you may not be able to bring forth the quality of caretaking. But devotion or dedication is something that is not dependent on being in a safe environment or having containment. Or for example, you may not be able to go with the flow of how your feel. But you may be able to do a spontaneous movement exercise. Or you might not be able to bring forth cooperation or collaboration. But you may be able to bring forth effective verbalization and communication. Or you may not be able to bring forth sensitivity. But you may be able to bring forth creativity.
That there is the femininity hack. Look at what aspect of femininity you feel like you can’t bring forth in general in your life and look for periods of time, settings and/or situations where you might be able to. And even more than that, look for aspects of femininity that you CAN bring forward even if there is no man in your life providing containment and even when you are in a high pressure or unsafe situation, and intentionally do so. I’m going to say it again. There are feminine qualities that are in no way vulnerable and also are in no way weak. And leaning into these qualities, will help you to be in your feminine essence, no matter what situation you find yourself in.