There is a belief among spiritual people that goes like this: “I should be able to do it all alone and entirely in my own head”. This damaging belief (though incorrect) is the by product of many universal truths. For example, it is a universal truth that lasting happiness, is happiness that comes from within (as the result of deliberate focus) as opposed to happiness that is dependent on what other people do or do not do. After all, we know that we loose our power to choose to be happy when we wait for and depend on the outside world to change first so that we can be happy when we look at it. But this often causes us to believe that we should never ask for what we want and need, instead we should simply submit to the way things are and try to force ourselves to love what we do not actually love. Another example is the truth that the world is a reflection of our mind. Though true, it gives rise to the idea that we should never ask for or take action towards a change. For example, we think we shouldn’t ask for a change in a relationship because if our partner or friend is behaving in ways that do not benefit us, it is our fault anyway. They are merely reflecting us. So we think the correct answer is to not take any action, withdraw and try to work to improve ourselves alone; instead of voice our needs to the people in our lives and take any action we feel inspired to take in order to go in the direction of happiness. We begin to think that the virtuous and correct thing to do is to do everything alone and take no action until we reach a state of mental perfection. Not only is this impossible, it was not how we were meant to live our lives. Actions we take have the power to improve our thoughts just like the thoughts we improve can subsequently improve our actions. To highlight this in an extreme way, think of a person who is being abused. We may understand that the abuse is a manifestation of their relationship with themselves. But that does not mean that they need to learn how to improve their mentality and love themselves while simultaneously “taking the punches” that they are manifesting. Perhaps standing up for themselves is the most self-loving thought and subsequent action that they could take. And I can tell you, it will not feel good to walk by a person that is being abused and say, “ Well I guess they chose that, I’d better let them live out the consequences of that choice”. Love is not inactive. It is also not independent. And we need to remember that they have manifested us showing up at the perfect time to defend them every bit as much as we have manifested them needing to be defended by us. They have subconsciously, non-verbally asked the universe for our arrival and managed to align with that desire enough that we could manifest into their experience to defend them.
Most of us who have committed to spiritual practice, forget that the most self-loving thing to do is to consciously ask for what we need and want. We also forget that sometimes the most self-loving thing to do is to take action. For example, we may find ourselves in an unhappy marriage with someone who has a number of personality traits we do not like. Because of our knowledge of spiritual truth, we may stay in that relationship for years, telling ourselves that we should be able to love that person unconditionally no matter what they do. We tell ourselves that we should be able to change enough about ourselves that the relationship will end up enjoyable. That may be true, that we are capable of loving people unconditionally, (and will be happier when we focus positively about them) but it is not self-loving to commit to a romantic relationship with someone who is not compatible with us and whose desires are not compatible with ours. In other words, just because you unconditionally love someone, doesn’t mean you’d choose to be married to him or her. Just because you can direct your focus positively and thus feel good, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ask for what you want and need. It’s ok if the person you ask doesn’t provide that for you.
The point is that you need to learn to ask for what you need and want from the universe. Maybe the things you want and need, will be provided by the person you ask directly. Maybe you’ll provide yourself with those things, or maybe someone else entirely will provide you with what you have asked for. Either way, the only needs and wants that will be met, are the ones that we acknowledge, explore and allow. We need to remember that we are the only ones who are manifesting in our own experience. It is an illusion when we think that someone else is providing us with what we need because after all, we have manifested them into our lives and so, we are providing ourselves with our own needs whether that takes the form of another person giving it to us or not. We need to remember this truth! And then, we simply need to ask ourselves: “Does the way that this need is being met currently make me feel powerful or not powerful?” If the answer is powerful, things should stay as they are. If the answer is not powerful, it is time to change the way the need is being met. Here is an example: If my sense of security is coming to me in the form of a mate that is financially supporting me. I am the one that created that stability for myself because I manifested that person into my life. So, does it feel good and do I feel in control of my reality because I realize that I manifested my own security through them? Or do I feel powerless to security because I manifested it through another person instead of through a job that I hold down myself? If the former, there is no need to change the situation. If the latter, it is time to manifest a new way to provide myself with security. In this scenario, there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to manifest my security through another person who financially supports me. If I’m in alignment with that desire, I’ll attract someone into my life that enjoys doing that for me and thus wants to financially support me. If I’m in alignment with that desire, the desire won’t come from the resistant idea that I am incapable of providing myself with security. It will simply come from the pure desire to have the experience of being supported financially by someone else.
We forget the universal truth that this is an interdependent universe. Everything we ask for comes through someone or something else, but it is still us creating it for ourselves. It is still our manifestation if it comes through the venue of another person. So, if we align with what we want and need and ask for those things from others and they actually meet those needs or desires, it is still our manifestation. We are still in power. If we do not ask for our wants and needs, it is because we do not think they are meant to be ours. And we limit ourselves because of the way we think those things should and shouldn’t come to us.
It is time that we questioned our beliefs further. It is time that we stop measuring ourselves next to unloving expectations and standards. Independent manifestation is not in conflict with asking others for what you want and need. If other people are just a reflection of yourself, why not ask them for what you want and need. It is after all you… asking you.