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  • How To Meet An Unmet Need


    I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it again.  No matter how much you may want it to be different, you have needs.  Every being on earth has needs.  A need is something that is required in order to live, succeed or be happy.  And you cannot un-require something that is required.  You cannot argue your way into seeing that it isn’t necessary.  You have one option when it comes to your needs and that is to meet them. 

    But this is easier said than done.  Why is it easier said than done?  Because we so often have aspects of us that are standing in the way of having that need met.  This is not natural and normal.  You are born understanding that your needs will be met and that it will be easy.  A baby is not born panicking that it will not get milk or worrying about having its diaper changed.  To the baby, being cuddled is not an impossible dream.  We learn through our trauma in our own life experience that our needs will not be met and worse than that, that our needs are not ok.

    A common pattern we have is that we go to the places that cannot meet a need for a need we have.  This is like going to an auto shop for food.  We want to be connected, but we get into relationships with partners who are not available and who are avoidant of connection.  We want to feel free, but we take a job where we feel imprisoned.

    The primary need in all beings is the need for love.  However, because of our life experience, we have beliefs standing in our way like “love is not possible”.  We may have experienced pain in conjunction with love, so now we are afraid of love because we have experienced that love means pain and it cannot be given without ulterior motives that will hurt us.  So we do not allow in the very thing that we need and want so desperately.  From this state, we are the person who is starving for food in a grocery store convinced there is nothing to eat.  The people in our life can see that they are giving us the very thing we need and want, but we cannot take it in. 

    We have to become aware of what we need.  To recognize this, we have to feel for the sensation in our mind, emotions and bodies of upset, dissatisfaction, craving, wanting or desperation.  For this reason, it is critical to learn how to feel.  If you are not aware of how you are feeling, you will not recognize the feeling of upset, dissatisfaction, craving, wanting or desperation.  For this reason, if you struggle with feeling, I suggest that you watch my YouTube video titled: How To Feel.  When we feel that lack, we can ask ourselves what it is that the feeling is telling us we need and want at this moment.

     Some needs are quite simple to meet, especially if we already know how to meet them and no resistance is standing in our way of meeting them.  For example, for most of us in the western world, if we are hungry, we do not feel a serious lack when we get hungry because nothing is standing in the way of our getting what we need (which is food).  We just go to the fridge or store and get something.  But if you grew up starving, this need would not seem so simple and so you would feel both lack and desperation in conjunction with needing food.  In the western world, most of us experience trauma (which is at its fundamental level the experience of lacking something that we need and want) around emotional needs.  So, when we feel these needs within us, we feel extreme lack and desperation and they do not feel easy to meet.  We have developed a lot of resistance to being able to seek them out where they are available and an even harder time taking them in.  We are emotionally starving.  When this is the case, we need to learn how to meet our unmet needs that we feel a resistance to being able to meet.

    The question you need to ask yourself once you know what that unmet need is, is: What would I have to give up in order to have (fill in the blank with what you need)?  For example, for me to be able to feel love when I’m sitting in the room with someone, I would have to give up my belief that love is dangerous.  I would have to give up my constant thinking because the mind brings me out of the body so I can’t feel connection to people as ‘real’ people in the room.  I would have to give up the story that I will always lose what I love.  I would have to give up sending text messages to that person who never sends any back. 

    Keep in mind that anywhere we have an identification, anywhere our identity is wrapped up in a state or being or behavior or thought that causes one of our needs to not be met, it will be particularly hard to meet the unmet need.  To meet that need, we will have to come up against and let go of our own sense of identity  (which feels like a life and death choice in order to meet that need).  For example, lets say that you were the scapegoat for your family. Your entire identity was formed around the idea of something being wrong and bad with you.  So, your unmet need is feeling loved the way you are.  But any time you are in a situation where you could feel that need being met, it will register as a contradiction to your own sense of identity and you will feel terror about having the very thing you need the most because your ego will register it as a death of its sense of self; regardless of the fact that that sense of self is painful.

    The mental understanding of what you would have to give up in order to get your needs met, offers you the potential of being able to directly face those barriers and change the beliefs and take different actions.  But far beyond that is experiencing the needs being met in whatever small way that you have access to in an embodied way.  For example, lets say you want connection.  Obviously the way to meet this need is to sit in the room with and focus your undivided attention on and open up with someone who is going to do the same thing with you.  When you do this, just focus on connecting to them.  Watch the resistance that comes up.  Observe the thoughts that are coming up in response and the emotions that surface.  Stay with that resistance long enough to feel it settle.  And in that space, after you have become aware of where you can’t feel that connection, see where in your body you can feel that connection; even if it is only in your skin or your knees.  See if you can imagine or sense of feel yourself spreading that feeling through your whole body.

    If you need abundance, go to the places that feel abundant.  Go to a fancy place and sit there.  Try to feel like you are a king.  Feel wealth in your body.  Watch the resistance come up.  Listen to the thoughts that come up and the painful memories and the painful stories about the future and about yourself.  Stay with it long enough to settle.  In that space, see where you can’t feel abundant.  And see where you can feel abundant.  See if you can spread that feeling of abundance through your whole body.

    I did a video a while back called “How To Feel Better”.  It was an episode about feeling signatures.  I highly suggest that you watch this episode again if you’ve seen it and that you watch it if you haven’t seen it.  I explained how to use feeling signatures deliberately.  If you have a need for something that you have no real experience with because it feels too inaccessible to you, you can invoke the experience of something that is the closest to it.  For example, I may not be able to feel the feeling of belonging.  But the closest I’ve ever experienced to that feeling is the way I felt when I was toasting marshmallows on a camping trip.  I can focus on that experience and when I feel my emotions respond to that, I can take that feeling of the marshmallows themselves and toasting them into my body and into my heart and into every tiny little cell.

    The reality of this universe is that it is governed by the law of attraction.  Things of like frequency match and coalesce.  This is the real reason that people who were born wealthy have no problem creating wealth.  They do not often have many thoughts or actions or life experiences that contradict the frequency of wealth.  In the absence of that contradiction, nothing is preventing them from manifesting that need immediately.  When you release resistance to the things that are preventing you from having what you need, when you give up what you have to give up in order to get a need met, you can allow yourself to feel the opposite vibration from that lack.  When you feel the opposite thing, the thing you need and even more than that, when you recognize that you are feeling it (so it becomes real to your embodiment), the need is being met.  In this vibration you are a match to those needs being met in ever increasing ways.  The need will be met by virtue of the very fact that you are not in the vibration of lack any longer.  And in this vibration, you will be inspired to take different actions, the actions that will simply further manifest that need being met.  You will see ways to meet your own needs.  You will be a match to people who can meet those needs.  You will align with the circumstances necessary to bring about what you want.  The “how” to accomplish those goals will be revealed to you.