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How To Heal The Millennial Generation

The millennial generation is a game changer generation.  However, to get to the place where the game is changed, the existing rules of the game had to have proved to be detrimental.  And the trauma of experiencing those detrimental aspects of the game have led the millennial generation to a cross roads.  Either the millennial generation heals and invests its energy in creating the new rules.  Or they pull their energy out of the system and give up on the game entirely.  Many members of the millennial generation are on the fast track to destruction, both because of what has happened to them and what is happening in the world today.  But a course correction can always be made.  A different road can always be taken.  I could write an entire book on how to heal the primary wounds that belong to the millennial generation.  But in this episode, my intention is to put forth several key elements for healing the millennial wounds.  I am going to write the rest of this episode directly to millennials, hoping that anyone who is not a millennial can ascertain what to do and not do (relative to the millennials in their life) from what I am saying.  If you haven’t done so already, it is a good idea to watch my video titled: What Is Wrong with Millennials? Before you continue watching this video.  

The first thing I must say is that as a millennial, the first thing you will feel in response to this entire topic is angry.  Why?  Because of how unfair it is to be put in the position of being painted as a problem that needs to somehow be fixed.  While some of you may worry deep down that there is something wrong with you, you also know somewhere inside you that this is a huge gaslight.  Looking back at your life, you may find that members of the previous generations first messed you up and set you up to fail and then made you the problem for being messed up or failing.  For this reason, I want you to understand that when I say that the millennial generation must heal, what I mean is that the millennial generation must experience the opposite of the trauma that it has experienced.  And for this to happen, you may need to alter your perspective about certain things and subsequently change some of the things you are doing.  I have no interest in participating in making you a scapegoat for previous generations.  So, I simply offer the following list as a tool box with which you can pull forth tools to put yourself into a better position than the one you currently find yourself in.

  1. To heal is to experience the opposite.  To understand this concept fully, I want you to watch my video titled: What Is Healing?  You have experienced things like working hard for a pot at the end of a rainbow that was never there, feeling like you have to (and are expected to) put up with things that hurt you, disillusionment, disappointment, powerlessness, the feeling of being enslaved etc.  To heal from these painful experiences is simply to experience the opposite of them…  Things like reaching your goals, feeling free, developing empowerment, successfully creating something that is better rather than putting up with what doesn’t work.  I want you to keep this in mind in your life because it will give you a better picture and therefore point you in the right direction of what it is that you are wanting and needing to choose and do.  Part of doing this is to face these experiences and the deep wounds they left you with that reside within you.  I created a process for doing this.  It is called The Completion Process.  To learn how to do this process, you can pick up a copy of my book titled The Completion Process or go to and find a practitioner to lead you through it.  Doing so will reveal what you specifically need to do in the here and now to experience the opposite.
  2. You need to own and caretake your hatred, rage and anger.  In fact, you need to let yourself grieve the life-let down and disillusionment that you have experienced.  This is not going to happen if you continue to listen to the world which is telling you that you have no reason or right to feel that way.  You need to make room for your own pain about the things you are facing as a result of being a part of your generation, especially as a result of what the generation before you has done or not done.  Instead of seeing this pain, people are constantly invalidating and minimizing and gaslighting you and calling you lazy and entitled.  Don’t do this to yourself too.  Much of your behavior is misunderstood by others and also by you.  I want you to do an expression process relative to being a millennial.  To learn how to do this process, watch my video titled:  How To Express Your Emotion.
  3. Most millennials (you might be one of them) are in a place of “what is the point?”  What you have learned in life is powerlessness and futility.  You have learned that you have no impact.  You have learned that it doesn’t matter how hard you work or how many things you try to do right, you’re not in control of any of it.  They (others) can just make a decision that makes you totally powerless to never being able to achieve something or powerless to it being taken away just like that.  Actually, you have every reason and right to think like that.  You were born and brought into a fundamentally flawed system.  And it is within your rights to give up.  In fact, I want you to imagine giving up.  I mean fully.  Do a meditation where you imagine totally giving up.  Maybe you just spend the rest of your life in bed.  Maybe you do nothing but play video games.  Maybe you throw your apartment keys away and go live on a beach under a coconut tree.  Allow yourself to play out the reality of giving up as far as you can.  Let yourself experience the relief and eventual dead end of it.  Do this now before you continue with the rest of this episode.
    Now that you have done the exercise, what did you learn?  What was your take away from this exercise?  There is relief in no longer trying to beat down a door that will never open.  There is relief in getting off of the hamster wheel.  But if you give up on finding any open door; and stop moving forever, it is a 100% guarantee that your life will not be what you want.  Realize that you are trying to self-preserve by not investing yourself or committing to things.  It is so painful to put all of yourself into things and have them not pan out, that you are self-preserving by simply not putting yourself into them in the first place.  You’re remaining detached.  But living your life trying to avoid disappointment is not life.  Throw away what your parents tried to teach you.  It isn’t actually about hard work.  It is simply a universal truth that only focused energy creates anything.  To commit is to put your energy into something.  This means that you cannot create a life that feels good if you are not committed to life.  For there to be something on the canvas, you must put your paintbrush into the paint and onto the canvas.  So work with the part of you that is committed to creating a life that you want and the part that wants to give up on trying.  To learn how to do this, watch my video titled: Parts Work (What is Parts Work and How To Do It).  I must warn you that if you don’t begin to consciously figure out what you want to commit to creating in your life and in society, (as if you were in charge of both) you will be forced to figure it out and commit to it out of necessity instead.
  4. What do you stand for?  This is an answer you need to have for yourself.   It is not about what your parents stand for or what anyone else stands for.  What is your thing to stand for?  What are you going to live your life for?  What do you value and find to be the most important?  What matters so much to you that you would die for it?  What do you really want?  You are the generation that is meant to bring in the truth of purpose.  With genuine purpose, it is not about working hard at what you don’t want to do so that you can achieve some future goal that you do want.  Instead a goal exists as an intention.  I say intention because you will continue to go in the direction of that goal, but if it were certain that you would never achieve that goal, it wouldn’t change the fact that you would continue doing it because it is in the doing of it that you find purpose, meaning, fulfillment and joy.  You know you have found this when there is nothing else for you to choose in terms of a path.  This is the opposite of living your life for something you want to achieve in the future and if you don’t get that thing, wanting to give up.  For example, for a person who lives for surfing, there is no other life than surfing.  Even if he or she never makes it into the hall of fame, life is paddling out.  Life is communion with the ocean.  He or she stands for that place where human and element dance.
  5. It’s time to stop coping.  You have become very good at coping.   To cope is to make a specific alteration mentally, emotionally or physically so that you can manage or adapt to something that is causing you stress.  To cope is the opposite of to change.  It implies futility in terms of changing the stressor itself.  You are the game changer generation.  You didn’t come here to adapt to the game that exists. You came to change the game itself.  If you manage to cope with the game, you’re trying to become comfortable in the very thing that is hurting you.  What do you honestly have to lose?  You have either been prevented from what you want or achieved it, only to have it taken away.  So what do you honestly have to lose?  Stop coping.  To know how to do this, watch my video titled: How To Let Go Of A Coping Mechanism.
  6. You need to feel you are getting somewhere and have gotten somewhere.  One exercise you can adopt is to start a daily list of accomplishments.  These lists can include things you have accomplished in the past.  They can also include things you accomplish on a daily basis.  They can be big or small. From getting a PHD to baking a loaf of banana bread that tasted good.  You need to restore an awareness of accomplishment.  And you need to remember that even if someone manages to destroy what you have built, it doesn’t take away the accomplishment of having built it in the first place.  You still have that accomplishment.
  7. Stop playing zero-sum games.  Get out of your narcissistic bubble.  Master the art of relationship instead.  You learned very early that no one actually had your best interests in mind.  They had their own in mind.  This is why you were set up to fail.  It is a bit like being born into a shark pit and realizing that everyone else was not going to caretake you, in fact they expected you to fend for yourself and to stay safe by doing what pleased them.  So you coped by becoming one of them.  You turned into a shark too.  Notice the ways in which you are out for yourself only.  Notice how instead of thinking of we, you think of I.  Notice how you are concerned only with your individual life and not with ‘them’.  Notice yourself agreeing to disagree and not taking other people’s best interests as a part of your own best interests.  Notice how you separate yourself from others.  Notice how you go for a win and don’t care if your win means others in a situation will lose.  What you really want is a society that feels safe.  It will be impossible to achieve if you stay a shark.  Because you being a shark will give people no other choice but to be a shark too.  You cannot create a society you want to live in, if all you are concerned with is your own pleasure in your own individual life because society implies that others exist.  To understand more about this, watch my video titled:  How To Create a Safe Relationship.
  8. Re-establish your sense of connection and contribution.  All people have an intrinsic need to contribute.  But many millennials have disowned this need.  One of the most tragic things to watch within the millennial generation is how each member of the generation feels it is them alone against the world.  The millennial generation is a generation of islands.  Many millennials hate millennials.  It is a generation where its members are fragmented from one another.  Essentially, millennials lack team spirit and tend to have a sense that there is nothing to be gained from gathering and collaboration.  Many millennials feel that finding a meeting of minds is impossible.  Because of this and other factors, many report that being together makes them feel more alone.   For this reason, you must ask yourself, why am I getting nothing out of coming together?  Look around and see how many there are of you that feel the exact same way.  What values do you share?  Begin to advocate for each other.  It isn’t just you against the world.  What could happen if you all came together and co-created this new world you envision?  What could you do that would have some impact on others and the world?  Now is the time for millennials to learn the vibration of ‘rally’.  Millennials struggle with a sense of loneliness and isolation more so than any other generation.  If you want to find a way out of this loneliness and isolation back to a sense of connection, pick up a copy of my book titled: The Anatomy of Loneliness (How to Find Your Way Back to Connection).
  9. You have suffered so much from disempowerment that you need to feel empowerment again.  In fact, you need to take back your power.  You are an adult now even if it doesn’t feel like it.  Never forget that Alexander the great conquered countries at 18 years old.  Mozart wrote his first symphony at age 8.  William Pitt became prime minister of England at 24.  Joan of Arc turned a war at 17 and was executed at 19.  At 28, Mark Zuckerberg floated Facebook on the stock market and became an instant billionaire.  You have not been given a chance to take over society from the generation before you.  And guess what?  That chance will never be given to you any more than it was given to any game changer that came before you.  You need to take the reins instead.  How can you do take the reigns?  Freedom is a deep desire for you.  But what is true freedom?  It is not fighting against oppression.  That is nothing more than pushing against prison bars.  It is not waiting for someone to grant you freedom.  That is just more powerlessness.  What does freedom really look like to you?  How can you be in that state of freedom without demanding that someone else creates that freedom for you?  Speaking of feeling like other people must create things for you, you have most likely heard people calling you entitled.  But what if I told you that entitlement is caused by a person feeling powerless and incapable and therefore believing that the actualization of their desires are in someone else’s hands?  For this reason, I suggest you watch two of my videos.  The first is: Entitlement and the second is: Take Your Power Back.
  10. You have got to create something new.  This was your calling when you came in.  The way the human world was set up when you came in was so flawed that you didn’t even need to crash it.  It fell of its own weight.  You knew this collapse would happen before you came into this life.  The boomers are used to putting their energy into something and it happens.  For example, I work hard and pay off my house.  You have had trauma around this experience.  For example, I work my ass off and will never be able to even afford a house, much less pay it off.  You are in the opposite energy that it doesn’t matter how hard you work, it doesn’t happen.  You experienced this because the way things had always been done no longer worked.  Instead of accept this, you have sunk into a depression.  Depression only happens when you are resisting futility.  To understand more about this, watch my video titled: Depression (the Truth About Depression that No One Sees or Understands).  What have you learned is futile?  If you accepted that futility, what would you do instead?  How could you put yourself into a position of cause instead of staying in the position of being at the effect of others?  How could you create what you want instead of being at the mercy of other people creating what you want for you?  Reinvention and redefinition is all that there is to do.  Be at the causation instead of at the effect of human existence.  How this looks will be different depending on your specific calling as an individual.
  11. Embrace the disillusionment and let go of the cynicism.  As a millennial, you have been seriously disillusioned.  This has created serious distrust in you.  And you may find yourself coping by becoming cynical.  You can’t just force yourself to trust again.  In fact, to try to do this when your life experience has proven situations and things to be untrustworthy, is abusive.  Instead, learn about trust and learn how to create it.  For more information about this, watch my video titled: Trust (What is Trust and How to Build Trust in Relationships).  Disillusionment is better than ignorance.  You have broken out of ignorance and falsehood and discovered more of what is real and you have seen the genuine problems in the world.  This knowledge can give you power in fact.  After all, your only axis of power is to be in reality.  What have you become disillusioned with and why?  What is that disillusionment showing you that you do want?  How could you put your energy into it and take action?
    In order to let go of cynicism, you first need to see what it is doing for you and what it is getting you.  Cynicism is a defense mechanism.  You use it to try to stay safe.  When we feel hurt and afraid and disappointed, but we can’t face those emotions directly, we turn against the world and begin to push things away.  When did you experience a trauma in which your positive hopes or expectations were dashed?   We use cynicism to make sure we never ever get our hopes up only to be let down again.  Essentially we disappoint ourselves before the world can ever do it for us.  But cynicism paints the lens you see the world through dark and it also separates you from genuine awareness.
    As a cynic, you are trying harder to buffer yourself from suffering and pain than you are trying to see truth or to see things as they are.  To be aware you must see that the two polarities of positive and negative inherently exist in any circumstance.  To be aware, you must see both polarities.  To understand more about this, watch my video titled: And Consciousness, The Modern Day Replacement For The Middle Way.  What you really want is kindness.  But you would never dare reveal your vulnerability or set yourself up to have your hopes dashed again and so you would never admit to it or ask for kindness directly.  And your cynicism invites the opposite from people.  What all millennials secretly want is kindness.  So, what would a kind world look like?  If you had to be the one to show people by example what it looked like to be kind, what would you think, say and do.  Now Do That!

So many millennials are asking the question, what’s the point?  The thing is, that question is the best question you will ever ask yourself.  Not as a statement that there is no point.  But instead to decide what the point of life actually is for you personally.  And beyond that, what the point of the existence of humanity is.  The meaning in your life is something you must put there.  It is not something that can be handed to you…  After all, the last time you took someone’s word for it, it didn’t work out so well.


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