There are beliefs that are surface beliefs, such as “black people are angry” “kids should clean their rooms”, “I have to keep my job”, “Women are flaky.” Etc. These kinds of thoughts are like branches of a tree. Each one of them is the byproduct of a deeper, core belief. The core belief is like the root of a tree. Core beliefs are the building blocks of the life we are living. They are the source from with everything grows and most importantly, they are the very source of how we see ourselves and how we see the universe we live in. They are both the root of the joy and the root of the suffering in our lives. Some examples of core beliefs are: “I am unlovable”, “I will be hurt if I get close to someone” or “There is no point to life”. Core beliefs can be positive or negative. But for the sake of this episode, I’m going to focus on negative core beliefs because they are the ones that are not working for us. Core beliefs are mostly subconscious. They are the result of impactful childhood experiences and most of them develop over time. And once we develop these beliefs and gather more proof of their accuracy, they become un-flexible. We tend to only notice evidence that supports them and ignore evidence that contradicts them. We think these beliefs so often that they become subconscious. They become a part of the human shadow. Most of the core beliefs we have, we are totally unaware of. This is why core beliefs are a big part of shadow work. To understand more about shadow work, watch my video on YouTube titled: “What is Shadow Work?”
That being said, we can find and become aware of our core beliefs. The first step is that we have to notice the events that are making us upset. If you have become upset, you have been set up by the universe to discover something that is hidden in the subconscious mind… including core beliefs. When we notice this upset, we sit down and begin to repetitively question the upsetting situation with two specific questions, gradually whittling down our thoughts until we arrive at the true source of our upset. The two questions that we ask are:
1) If that is 100% true, why is that so bad? 2) What does that mean to me or mean about me? So lets say that you notice that you become upset because you get home and the house is a total and complete mess. You begin with the most surface thought you can find which in this case would be the judgment:
Thought: “The house is a mess” Questions: If that is 100% true, why is that so bad and/or what does that mean to me or mean about me? Answer: It means I live in a pig sty. Questions: If that is 100% true, why is that so bad and/or what does that mean to me or mean about me? Answer: It means no one respects my house Question: If that is 100% true, why is that so bad and/or what does that mean to me or mean about me? Answer: I’m getting used by people. Question: If that is 100% true, why is that so bad and/or what does that mean to me or mean about me? Answer: No one cares about how I feel. Question: If that is 100% true, why is that so bad and/or what does that mean to me or mean about me? Answer: Its inevitable that I’m going to be hurt by people. Question: If that is 100% true, why is that so bad and/or what does that mean to me or mean about me? Answer: Suffering is the purpose of life. Question: If that is 100% true, why is that so bad and/or what does that mean to me or mean about me? Answer: Life is a punishment. Question: If that is 100% true, why is that so bad and/or what does that mean to me or mean about me? Answer: It means I’m bad. Question: If that is 100% true, why is that so bad and/or what does that mean to me or mean about me? Answer: I’ll be unloved. Question: If that is 100% true, why is that so bad and/or what does that mean to me or mean about me? Answer: I’m all alone.
“I’m all alone” is the core belief in this above scenario. So ironically, the reason that we got upset when we came home and saw that the house was a mess is that it instantly triggered the belief and all the memories associated with that belief that “I am all alone”.
Beware of “cop outs” or “justifications” during the process of finding a core belief. We have the tendency, especially when we are just about to reach the core belief, of veering in the opposite direction of digging deeper and justifying why we are right to think what the thought we just presented. For example, if someone said “Suffering is the purpose of life” and they asked themselves “If that is 100% true, why is that so bad and/or what does that mean to me or mean about me?” The truthful answer might be, “It means Life is a punishment”. A “cop out” answer or a “justification” might be, “Suffering shouldn’t be the purpose of life.” When we are finding core beliefs, we always need to be willing to admit to a belief that is a bit more painful and a bit more painful than the one before, rather than trying to bypass the pain by justifying why a less painful belief is correct. We can apply this process of questioning to any judgment or negative thought that we have. You will be absolutely blown away at the real reason behind why certain things upset you. Often we find multiple beliefs that would benefit by being questioned in one core belief finding process. For example, in the above scenario, the belief “no one cares how I feel” and the belief “I am bad” would benefit by being questioned and changed.
Once we find the core belief or multiple beliefs that are fueling our upset, we can question those beliefs. My favorite process for questioning a belief is a process called “The Work” by Byron Katie. So look up “The Work” and try it out for yourself. The next thing we can do is to change the belief. To find out how to change a belief, watch my video on YouTube titled “How to Change a Belief”. We need to begin consciously challenging these beliefs and looking for proof that they are not true. We also need to use these core beliefs to determine what we would rather believe. So once you find a core belief, ask yourself “What would I rather believe?” And begin looking for proof that this new belief is true. Read and watch and seek out any material that supports this new belief. As you go about your daily life, ask yourself “what would I do right now if I believed this new belief with all my heart? And do those things. With enough focus, you will manifest more proof that the new belief is true and the belief will become stronger and stronger until it has completely replaced the old core belief.
Most of us struggle for years against beliefs that have been deeply rooted in our being. We do everything we can think of to try to resist and fight against the beliefs when all we really need to do is sit down and directly pull these roots up so we can see them clearly and then replace them. It may be a bit time consuming, but look at it this way… you have the choice to struggle against them every day of your busy life or to take an hour or two of your time and focus specifically on doing the work necessary to alter them for good so you no longer have to struggle against them.