Commitment is a state of dedication. To commit to something is to give your energy to something. It is to put yourself into something. The more committed you are to something, the more of your energy and therefore yourself you put into that thing. Whether we know it or not, we are always committed to something. When it doesn’t seem like we are committed, it simply means we are committed to something else. For example, a person may not seem committed to working on something because they may actually be committed to relaxing or committed to escape. We are always committing to something, whether we are aware of what we are committed to or not is another thing.
People have several commitments in life, but all people have a core commitment in their life. This commitment is very much like a primary value and because it is their core and primary commitment, it is the one that will have priority over everything and anything else. Understanding this core commitment in ourselves and in others is critical.
Often our commitments (even our core commitment) are subconscious. This is a problem because we have not consciously looked at it to see whether we want to consciously commit to that thing or whether we don’t. Subconscious core commitments are to blame for so many problems in our life. For example, if we have a subconscious core commitment to freedom and we take a job that makes us feel like we aren’t free, we will start to clash with our boss, we will act passive aggressive and we will sabotage our job. If we became aware of that commitment we had and decided to consciously commit to it, we would make different choices in our life such as not taking a job that contains elements that would make us feel not free. When we are not aware of our core commitment, we are so often out of alignment with our own integrity. We say we are committed to something, but our actions do not reflect that and everyone suffers because of it, including us.
The biggest issues that I see relative to subconscious commitments however are in the sector of relationships. If someone does not have a core commitment that directly corresponds with commitment to the relationship and creating harmony with another person, relationships are almost impossible to maintain. For example, if one person’s commitment is to connection, relationship and creating harmony in that relationship is necessary and therefore, relationship will be the person’s top commitment. On the other hand, if someone’s core commitment is to personal happiness, the minute a relationship becomes uncomfortable (which it will because of what relationships essentially are and the purpose they serve) the commitment to the relationship is gone. So many people have core commitments that are a direct contradiction to harmony in a relationship. This is a disaster if the person without a core commitment that dovetails with togetherness in a relationship is in a relationship with someone whose core value does dovetail with togetherness in a relationship. They essentially put people in a zero sum game with them, which means I win, you lose. The person whose commitment is togetherness has to give in constantly and let the other one have their way in order to keep togetherness because that is not the commitment of their partner.
Knowing a person’s core commitment actually makes that person very predictable, which provides a kind of safety in a relationship. For example, if you knew that a person’s core commitment was to safety in a relationship, you would know that if they are ever cornered, they will chose whatever option feels the safest to them. If you understand this deep motivation in others, you know exactly what you need to provide in order to be in alignment with them and add to their happiness. You have much more awareness about what the potential danger is with someone and thus how to avoid it or if it is even impossible to avoid it. You know what the incompatibility actually is.
To discover your core commitment in life, you have two options. The first option is to totally let go of any idea about what you want it to be or think it may be. Go into this with a totally blank slate. Close your eyes and ask from your soul (like setting an intention to intuitively see something) to become your core commitment. Then surrender as if you were letting your identity be taken over completely by that commitment. What does it feel like in your body? What images do you see or words do you hear or feelings do you feel? See if you can you define what you are feeling.
The second option is that you can have someone else who is willing to totally let go of their idea about you accept to embody the energy of your core commitment as if they were being possessed by it and to tell you what images they see, what words they hear and what feelings they feel so they can tell you what your core commitment is.
Once you discover your core commitment, look at your life. See how so much of your life and your relationships make sense now. See if you can figure out why this commitment is so strong. The core commitments usually reflect something traumatic we have experienced. They are reflective of our deepest desires, which come from experiencing what is unwanted or from not having experienced something that we need and want.
From here, get rid of your ideas of right or wrong. It doesn’t do any good to not commit to something that you actually do want to commit to, just because you think it’s not ok to do so. It doesn’t do any good to commit to something just because you think it’s the right thing to do. Decide whether you want to commit to that subconscious commitment you discovered, but consciously this time and what choices you are going to make differently as a result. See the benefits and consequences of that commitment on each sector of your life. If you do not want to commit to that, become completely aware of why. What is your new commitment going to be? What changes are you going to make to your life in alignment with that new commitment?
The thing that manifests will be whatever has the most energy flowing towards it. Our core commitment simply has too much energy flowing into it to deny. Life is just too painful when we are consciously committed to one thing and subconsciously committed to another thing. By being aware of this commitment, we can get all of our energy going in the same direction and we cam make the right decisions according to that committment.