Passivity is one of the absolute worst things for a man. If a man wants to kill off his masculinity and life force energy, all he has to do is be passive. Well… seeing as how this is deeply detrimental, not only to men themselves but to everyone in human society, in this video, we will be diving deep on this topic of passivity and men and what to do about it.  

To start, what does it mean to be passive? It means to get in the back seat rather than the front seat in your life. This includes in your relationships. When you get in the back seat, you don’t initiate. You don’t make decisions. You don’t lead. You don’t communicate, or you communicate in a lackluster way. You don’t express your opinions. Your behavior is submissive. You defer to other people. You don’t bring your thoughts, feelings, needs, desires and preferences forward into the relationship. You are disengaged. You spend your time in avoidance of the things that you don’t want, rather than driving toward what you do want and proactively taking unwanted things on as challenges. You don’t hold yourself accountable to standards or goals you set. You don’t take charge. You don’t assume responsibility and you certainly don’t assume ownership, rather you leave others to take responsibility and ownership. You don’t create and implement plans. You leave things to others. You wait to be told what to do. You may lack motivation. You don’t establish, maintain, express or enforce your boundaries. You either don’t set goals. Or if you do, you don’t hold yourself accountable to reaching those goals.      

If you were to look at masculinity through a purely energetic lens, you would see masculine energy as a forward moving energy. The masculine polarity contains the qualities of action, direction, assertion, movement, strength, focus, generosity, encouragement, transformation and growth. All of which are active, forward moving energies. Passiveness is an oppositional force to these energies.  

When a man is not active and proactive, he starts to exhibit passive aggressive behavior. After all, passive aggression is how people express negative feelings and try to assert boundaries in an indirect way.

When a man is passive, he is not the one making the decisions and actively participating in his life or relationship and because of this, all the pressure is on the other person to make the decisions and direct the relationship and direct how both their life and his life goes. The other person is likely to drive things in a direction that he won’t like. And when he doesn’t like it, he is likely to become passive aggressive rather than proactive and direct about steering things in a different direction. 

When a man is passive, he will lose his self-esteem. Let me explain… A man will not feel good about himself when he is in the back seat of his life and his relationships. He will start to depend on other people in ways that cause his to lose faith in his own capacities. He will not do the things that lead to the building of confidence and self-esteem. The lack of control he will feel over his own life will make him feel powerless and start to see himself as smaller and less powerful than he actually is. 

He will experience a negative feedback loop whereby his passive behavior will lead to negative results, which will make him more passive, which will lead to even worse results. And as he slides down this spiral, he will start to see himself in a more and more and more negative light. Believing more and more in his own inadequacies and in being incapable. 

When a man is passive, he will in fact lose energy. At first glance, it may seem like if someone is being passive, they are not exerting much energy, and so, they are laid back and are conserving energy. But this is not how it works with men. When a man is active and proactive, it works in much the same way that certain car batteries currently work, the ones where they charge by the car driving. Being proactive shifts a man’s energy and focus from reacting to problems (which depletes energy) to both anticipating and shaping his environment and life experience. This in turn, gives him a sense of empowerment, control and accomplishment. And this in turn reduces stress levels and motivates him. It creates a positive feedback loop. Being proactive where he takes the initiative and takes action towards what he desires, builds his belief in his ability to succeed. And this causes him to have a more positive outlook on life as well as a higher level of confidence to take on challenges. And this massively boosts his energy levels. 

Being passive is not natural for a man. When a man does this, it is in response to some kind of trauma. Trauma that needs to be addressed and resolved. For this reason, if you are a man who is struggling with being passive, it is a very good idea to do The Completion Process. In case you are interested, I have an e-course which teaches you how to do this process in depth, I also wrote a book about it. Or if you wish, you can also find a practitioner to help you go through the process by visiting www.completionprocess.com.    

Now, let’s look at what happens in a male-female relationship when a man is passive, because this is a true disaster. Keep in mind when I describe what I am about to describe in man to woman terms that this can be a real issue in gay relationships as well, because polarity still exists in these relationships, even if that polarity is more fluid and exchangeable.     

When a man is passive in a relationship with a woman, he has flipped the polarity in his relationship, destroying the energetic dynamic between masculine and feminine energy. Unknowingly, he is requiring her to display masculine traits and provide him with containment and by doing so, he is flipping roles, which will feel unhealthy and painful for both of them and it will destroy their attraction to each other. How does this work practically? If a man is passive, then it leaves everything to the woman in his life. She has to be the one to make the decisions, for both him and her. She has to be the one in charge, leading and taking control. She has to be the one to initiate everything. He is relying and depending on her to take responsibility and ownership of everything, including him, which will create a dynamic where she is more like his mother than partner. He is making her carry the weight of the relationship on her own. He is making her decide on the direction of the relationship and he is also making her be the one to lead it there. He is requiring her to be strong. He is making her be the one out in front with no buffer and no containment. With the absence of this containment, she will start to become incredibly anxious and resentful. Because she doesn’t feel safe, she will become progressively more and more controlling. When a man gets into this dynamic with a woman, he tends to feel totally emasculated and powerless. There is likely to be an air of constant tension and constant conflict in the relationship. He will feel controlled. She will lose respect for him and he will feel disrespected. He will lose his attraction to her. He will not feel needed. He may feel like a minion or servant in the relationship. Because she doesn’t have containment, she will be under so much pressure and not have her needs met to the degree that she will not be satisfied in the relationship. As a result, she will not be able to hold him in positive regard. She will start to criticize him and will lose her attraction to him, after all, attraction is about polarity. And this, will corrode his self-esteem. When a man’s self-esteem suffers in a relationship, he tends to withdraw. This only further leaves her on her own with all the pressure, so she has to become even stronger and harder and more masculine to cope with the world. And her negative feedback will increase, leading him to believe he can never make her happy. Essentially, it creates a downward spiral. 

As a man, you cannot be passive. Really being active and proactive and stepping fully into your masculine polarity and masculine energy is central to having the life you want, feeling good about yourself and having relationships that works for you. So, let’s look at ten key components of being active/proactive rather than passive.

1. Be in an active mindset. This starts with deciding to be on the side of causation. Do not wait for things to happen to you. Recognize that you have the power to influence situations and bring about desired outcomes. This means, wherever possible, commit to being in the position of cause instead of effect. This requires a mindset shift. We live in a universe based on the law of cause and effect. This means we will do things that affect others and others will do things that affect us. Any time you are in a situation that feels like you are at the effect of someone or something else, ask how could I adapt to the reality of this situation so as to switch back into the position of cause instead of effect? Actively seek out potential ways to make your desired outcome come about and take action when you find them. When we are passive, we are getting in the back seat of our life experience. We are convinced that our life experience and the various spheres of our life are dependent on external factors. And as a result, we are essentially putting ourselves in the hands of others. No matter what situation you may find yourself in, consider how can things related to your wellbeing be in your hands instead of in the hands of others? Where do you think the power lies in this situation?  How can you switch the situation so that the power lies with you?
2. Create a Vision. Both a vision for yourself and for your relationships. Being proactive in your life and in your relationship implies taking action. But that action needs to be in a certain direction. It needs to be for something and in service of something. The action is designed to bring something about. This implies that you need to have a vision for what you want and need and value. Both regarding yourself/your life and regarding your relationship. What you are looking to do, is to build a vision of the life you are trying to build. When you create a vision for yourself, you have something to aim at. Something for your choices and action to lend themselves to creating. And you can check all your decisions and behaviors and actions against whether they are in alignment with your vision, or are out of alignment with that vision. And remember, do not just passively let your relationship happen to you. And don’t make your partner lead it. You must lead your relationship towards a vision that is in alignment with what both you and they want.  
3. Move your body! Never ever underestimate the power of moving your body and exercising and simply physically doing things when it comes to getting out of a passive state of being. Sometimes we are waiting for motivation in order to take any action. But what if I told you that action can bring about motivation? Many men find that moving their body works like a fire melting through the ice of passiveness, even when that passiveness has to do with other areas of their life. For this reason, many active men will choose to use exercise to catalyze themselves into a more active, proactive state in other areas of their life, such as their career or dating or taking on the challenge of problems they may be facing. Physically moving boosts your energy. It causes your cells to actually produce more energy and triggers the release of chemicals that improves your mood, helping you feel more on top of things, rather than underneath or at the mercy of them. Moving your body, exercising and physically doing things, forces you out of passivity. So, make yourself do it.       
4. Take responsibility and ownership over things. Being active rather than passive implies actively taking responsibility and actively taking ownership. Take ownership of things that need to be done, handle things, take responsibility for tasks and projects. Help guide and lead others regarding things that need to be done. Make sure things are done well. Initiate the doing of things, the completion of them and holding yourself accountable for the outcome. Self-assign yourself to things. Do things without having to be told to do them. Proactively solve problems that arise. When a person is passive, they leave things to others. Do not leave things to others! And remember, you must follow through. 
5. Put energy into learning and understanding things. How does this relate to being active rather than passive? Knowledge is power. The more information you have and the more you know about something, the greater your confidence will be to take action relative to that situation. You will know what action to take. And this will automatically make you far more active. Knowledge empowers you to feel able to take the lead. Remember that keen observation, active listening and questioning are key components to developing a thorough understanding. But do not be passive to getting this information and learning what needs to be learned. Seek out that information and learn and seek to understand like you are hungry for it. 
6. Do not fixate on what you can’t do. Look for what you can do. When you concern yourself with what you can’t do, rather than what you can do, you will end up feeling powerless and defeated. If a door is closed, put your energy towards looking for other doors and windows that might be open. Long story short, to own your power in any situation so as to be able to take action, you have to shift focus towards what you CAN do. In whatever situation you find yourself in, ask yourself: How and in what ways can I create, direct, influence or do something so as to bring about what I want? 
7. Recognize, feel and build your confidence. We tend to be passive when we don’t feel our own power and don’t see our own value. You will become more passive the more you are focused on what you have no confidence in, relative to the situation you are in. Don’t simply fixate on what you don’t have confidence in. Instead, consider, what do you have confidence in? Make a list. If you recognize where you have confidence in your life, the areas where you don’t have confidence won’t feel like they diminish you. For example, you may feel totally confident with doing math correctly or with cooking or being able to or fix a car or with understanding complex concepts or with organizing.  Really recognize and lean back on the confidence that you currently take for granted.   From there, consider: What is it that you have no confidence in relative to the situation you are in? How could you increase your confidence in that situation? In what ways could you learn and grow in that area so as to build your confidence in the areas causing that lack of confidence? Remember, at one point in time, none of us felt confident walking. Now we are so confident about it that we take it so much for granted that we would not even think of putting it on the list of things we are confident about. Lean back on what you are confident about so as to be able to take on the challenge of building confidence in whatever you do not feel confident about.   
8. Assert Yourself. In this context, to assert yourself is to put yourself into the situation at hand and to put yourself into the relationship. What is you? You is your thoughts, feelings, opinions, needs, desires, energy and action. You need to put that into the situations at hand. You need to put that into your relationships. What might this look like? No more sitting back and observing, rather stepping forward and actively participating. Bringing your needs forward to other people, including the woman in your life by clearly communicating them. Stepping up and taking charge of problems that present themselves. Making your voice heard by expressing yourself in a clear and direct way. Standing your ground rather than giving in. Upholding your boundaries. Clearly expressing your opinion. Standing up for yourself and for others. Initiating difficult conversations. Offering your ideas and suggestions. Using body language that is confident. Maintaining eye contact. Do not withhold yourself.    
9. Create forward movement. Imagine you were watching your life third person. Imagine following yourself for a day in your life. Are there areas of your life where you feel stagnation? What choices could you make (and enact) right now to bring forward movement into those areas of your life? Masculinity is a direct, forward moving energy.  When you make a decision, you open the door to what you want and close the door to what you don’t want. This prevents you from scattering your energy in different directions. It ensures that your vital energy will move in one direction with force and direction, like a missile locked on a target. A big part of moving forward is the willingness to take risks and learn how to turn mistakes into beneficial lessons to propel you forward even faster. Stagnation is the opposite of masculine energy. When you are unwilling to make mistakes, you stagnate and the masculine energy within you becomes suppressed.  No more hiding from fears. If you’re committed to embodying your masculinity, it is time to face your fears head on and not tolerate stagnancy in any of the areas in your life. 
10. Be an active giver. You will receive tons of love when you are in your masculine energy. In fact, you will receive far more of everything you are wanting, including love when you are in your masculine energy. That said, masculinity is not a passive receiver of love. It is an active giver of love. This means, initiate. This means do. This means give. Be a transmitter. Masculinity is generous; it isn’t stingy with itself or with its resources. Be an active giver. Take advantage of opportunities to give when they arise, but don’t just passively wait for opportunities to arise.

Being passive will deplete you. It will prevent you from being in the masculine polarity. It will put you out of alignment with your own power. It will flip the polarity in your relationships, which in and of itself leads to all kinds of unwanted consequences. It will make it so you end up somewhere totally undesirable in your life. So, operate in life with these questions on your mind: Is what I am doing active and proactive, or is it passive? And how could I be more active and proactive in this situation? And follow through on the answers you come up with.