When a child is born, we look at its size and its inabilities and lack of experience and we think therefore that our job is to lead that child. We think the child is a thing that belongs to us. That it is our duty to mold it into what we think will be the best for it. We think it is our job to lead the child. We think this because we have no memory of the way that progression and expansion actually works in this universe.
I want you to imagine that the consciousness of a specific family line is like a current within the ocean. If the ocean is the totality of united consciousness, including all people and all families and all societies and all worlds. When you come into this life, you come in as part of that current within the ocean that is your family. You come in as an embodiment of the progression of your family’s consciousness. Each generation that is born is the next step of evolution of that specific family’s consciousness. For this reason, you can see that you are the born as the evolution of your own parents consciousness.
Expansion is created through desire. Desire that is conscious as well as desire that is subconscious. Every desire that has arisen, both consciously and subconsciously from you, is added to the source stream current that is your family’s consciousness. That desire is calling you towards it every day. Sometimes, you line up vibrationally with that thing you desire, and it manifests physically in your life. Sometimes you don’t. The desires that cannot be actualized by parents come through their children. To understand more about this, watch my video titled: Happiness Is The Purpose of Your Life, Want to Know Why?
As your parents lived their life, they gave rise to desires. Some desires they knew about. For example, perhaps they always wanted to be an artist, but they were forced by their parents to do something more practical. Some desires, they forgot about. The process of socialization teaches us that some things are acceptable and some are not. The things that are seen as not acceptable become suppressed, denied, disowned, and rejected and eventually become a part of the subconscious. A basic soul desire within us all is to become whole again. In a more straightforward way, down deep, we desire to re-integrate with parts of us that we learned were unacceptable and experience them being loved and wanted and part of us. Therefore, lets say that a woman is born into a family that is not ok with anger at all. She has an angry self that is suppressed deep within her. Her subconscious desire is to have that part of her be accepted and loved and be a part of her. After all, this part of her might actually be the one that holds her boundaries and right now in her life, she has no boundaries. She’s a living, breathing doormat. If she cannot line up with her desires in her life, they will come through her child. Her child will be born as the embodiment of her desires for herself. The conscious and subconscious desires of the family line. Her child is likely to be angry.
The child, being born as the expanded form of consciousness within the family line, is born as the single biggest thing that is calling the parent into his or her own expansion and awakening. If in the previous scenario, when a child comes in with an angry disposition, it is an offering for the woman to re-own her own anger. By doing so, she had access to her own boundaries and thus, her life improves. She will actualize her desires. However, we do not usually recognize that this is what is happening with children. Instead, we try to crush in them what we cannot own within ourselves. We treat them with the same rejection, suppression, denial and disapproval that we gave to those aspects in ourselves. This is especially true for subconscious aspects of us and desires. We inflict the same wound on our children that our parents inflicted on us.
The dynamic that is occurring is that there is a vibrational distance between where the parent is and where the child is. And instead of the parent closing that energetic distance by progressing forward toward his or her own expansion (which is the vibration the child is in), they try to drag the child backwards to join them in their less expanded vibration. The unhappiness between parents and children is entirely about this process. And in doing this, we prevent the expansion of not only ourselves, but also our entire family line.
The parent and child relationship was always meant to be a partnership in expansion and awakening. We cannot do this if we take an attitude of superiority towards our children and do not realize that they, being incarnated with the essence of our desires and thus expansion, are our biggest opportunity to expand and become fully conscious. Parenting cannot be hierarchical for this to occur. The parenting process is something that must happen hand in hand. You must let them lead you into the expanded place. And your parenting of them must be designed in a way where by parenting them, you are parenting yourself into the expanded place that they are calling you to.
For example, lets say that you always had a subconscious desire for your parents to be fully present with you when they were with you, not preoccupied with work or the television. Chances are you had to suppress that desire and you had to become a “doer”. Your children will come in then with the full capacity to be completely present and fully engaged with other people. There will start to be friction in the relationship because they want this presence from you and you will fight with them about how busy you are, instead of realizing that this is your opportunity to become what you always wanted and get what you always wanted. If you became conscious of this, you could practice parenting them with presence, being completely engaged with them when you are with them. By doing this, you would not only line up with your own desire, but you would be enabling that expansion of your own consciousness that is embodied within them.
Your conflicts with your children are always an opportunity to recognize an area where they are trying to call you into the place of your own expansion, which is the place where you can best meet their needs and teach them how to carve out their own life here in the world. And when you do that, the conflict with your child goes away.
Our children do not belong to us. They belong with us, but not to us. They come in with a unique life purpose and mission. We fail to recognize and tune into each child’s unique essence. We don’t listen and see and feel them with all of ourselves so as to make the right decision for them. We don’t see how doing this is actually the best thing for us. Separate who you are from who each child is. When you impose what you think is best on your child, what you are often doing is cutting them off from their own unique calling and unique spirit and unique signature. They are already in touch with who they are and what they want. Our job is to help them actualize this. And the only way for us to do this is to realize that they are the embodiment of our own expansion. The only way to parent them so as to help them actualize their innate essence and desires and purpose is to line up with our own desires, both conscious and subconscious. To do this, we must consider that we hold beliefs, values, thoughts, assumptions and motivations that we have never questioned or examined. We inherited them and pass them on, regardless of whether they are chains that imprison us or keys that set us free.
I want to offer an idea that every interaction with your child is an opportunity to examine these beliefs, thoughts, assumptions, motivations and values so as to become more conscious and give to our children, keys instead of chains. Every interaction with your child is an opportunity to either bolster their spirit or diminish it and in doing so, either support your own expanding consciousness, or hold it back.
For example, say a child comes into the house holding a frog that is covered in mud, super excited to show it to you. At this moment, you are at a crossroads. What you say can either support their spirit or crush it. If you recognize their openness and excitement to share with you at that moment, you may decide that reacting in an excited way will increase their self-esteem and enhance their openness towards life and towards you. You may decide that is more important in this moment than a dirty floor. You may see that keeping the house clean can be a lesson for another day because if you get upset at them for getting the house muddy, you will shut down their excitement and openness and connection to you in this moment. The parenting process is nothing more than an accumulation of moments that are opportunities for us to be present and conscious like that. That is the only way we will parent them in the way that causes them to become self-actualized adults who are happy. When we take this approach to parenting, even discipline will take on a form that adds to a child instead of diminishes a child.
From this day forward, I ask you to take this understanding of the actual dynamic occurring at a higher level between parent and child. I ask you to realize that each moment with them is a crossroads of enabling their spirit or disabling it and by its very nature, enabling it, is enabling your own expansion. And every time you get into conflict with your child, consider that they are merely calling you into your own expansion and often by reflecting to you, something that you disowned within yourself long ago and need to learn how to re-own and accept as part of yourself and eventually love. To discover these unconscious aspects, we need to ask ourselves WHY we are reacting the way we are reacting to them when they are exhibiting the certain behaviors that cause us to react negatively to them. They will continue to mirror aspects of your own unconscious to you so that you can become conscious of them and integrate them.
Take note of how your child is making you feel in the moment of conflict and realize, they are making you feel exactly how you are making them feel. Children always set us up unintentionally to make us feel the exact same way that we have been making them feel. They are a mirror. Focus on what you can do differently to change that way that you now know that you are making them feel instead of asking the reflection in the mirror to change.
Every moment we answer the call of our children by witnessing our unconsciousness, we become more conscious and the answer about what to do differently, how to best parent them, naturally comes to us as if it were always knocking on our door and we were simply not letting it in.