When we try to make an incompatible person compatible with us, we come up with a reason why they are bad or wrong for their difference and try to then heal them out of that difference or try to change it so that it doesn’t exist. This creates shame in them. And in turn, they will most likely come up with a reason why we are bad and wrong for our difference and try to then heal us out of our difference or try to change it so that it doesn’t exist. After a while, the emotional condition of the relationship itself is shame and resentment towards each other. And after a while, both of us in the relationship feel totally unloved.