Complaint is in fact a form of manipulation. We're trying to get our need met in an indirect way. That need being for our pain to be seen and heard and felt and acknowledged and validated. We are too scared to just flat out ask for someone to do this. But we need to get that it is much less off-putting to flat out ask someone for this need to be met than it is to complain near them so as to try to covertly get this out of them.