Motivation - Help me stop wasting my time
I tried sending this email to email@example.com but the delivery failed. (If anyone knows why that would be, please let me know.) Then, I noticed the "Submit Question" link at the bottom of the website so I did get to submit the question- but without all of the background info I had taken so much time to write out before. I have the extra info there because I know half of the time someone asks Teal a question at a workshop, the answer ends up having to do with something seemingly unrelated to the original question and I think this may be one of those times. I would like to put this email out there. In case Teal doesn't get to my question, I'd love to hear what anyone else may have to say in response. It is long, so if you don't feel like reading the whole thing, I would be just as happy to hear a response to the question highlighted in bold large letters below:
Firstly, I love your work and would like to thank you for all that you do. I was at your Sydney Synchronization Workshop and had a wonderful time!
I apologize for the length of this email. I don't know how many of these you get a day and maybe you don't have time to read the whole thing. If so, please feel free to skip all of it and scroll straight to the question below in large bold text.
When it comes to spiritual teachings, I wish there was a way to take what I've learned and think I understand on a mental/logical level and force it into the aspects of myself that really need to have learned the lesson taught. I've read books, articles, watched videos, listened to audio books, etc. In my mind, it makes sense. It all seems like it should be simple enough to apply to my life, but there is definitely still a major resistance living in my subconscious that I can't quite put my finger on.
In a nutshell, I'm currently in a position where I could really take control of my life in aspects relating to career/what I do with my time and to make money. I'm at a crossroads with lots of time on my hands and quite a few ideas about how I can be using this time. Part of the problem is definitely that I am not just choosing one of the paths that I'm envisioning for myself and going with it at full force. My mind likes to wander back and forth between my options and all of their pros and cons.
I do have one favorite idea- create a webcomic and/or comic book about a "westernized" girl who's into New Age spirituality but struggles with the actual application of spiritual teachings into her life (very much like myself). I've known I want to do this since September and so far have written down about 6-or-so ideas for story lines and have only completed one 5-panelled strip.
Sometimes I think, well maybe if I do a meditation for focus or motivation I'll be able to get more done today. When I try, most of the time, I struggle to even stay focused for the meditation. I struggle to remember to stay present for most parts of the day. Even when I do sit down with the intention to work on my comic, I end up spending a lot of time staring blankly into space, picking at my nails, or picking at some other part of my body. All throughout school and college, it was impossible for me to get an assignment done unless it was the last minute. I can stare at a blank word document for hours until there is some real pressure to get an essay done. This was ok at school where it didn't matter whether I did the assignment a week before or a minute before it was due, but I'll never be able to achieve the goal of being a comic writer without some real self-motivation power.
And so we have my question:
How do I find the motivation and focus to achieve my goals?
My fear is that my window of opportunity that I have right now where I have time on my hands and am not expected to do anything with it is going to close before I find this motivation. If I were working intently on anything, I know these people would continue to support me longer than they really need to so that I could work towards my dreams. Soon, my living situation will change and I will have no excuse to not go get a job. At that point, if I haven't figured out how to tap into my inner-focus and motivation without the pressure that's always been necessary to get there, I know I'll slip back into the same old pattern of spending lots of time at work, coming home too tired to give a shit, and using that as my excuse for not bothering to pick up the sketchbook often enough to get anywhere with my goals.
Thank you so much for your energy and time reading this. I hope that I get the answer soon.