Romantic love is the truest essence of being so completely present yet so far away from this world, vulnerable yet completely confident, and absolutely in tune and aware with another being. When two physical bodies merge entirely, breathing eachother in, becoming complete, thier energies melting together in total oneness, it's as if the world stops, time has no meaning, suffering is obsolete, and nothing else matters.
I experienced moments like this with someone once and I almost died trying to hold onto it- I would have gladly followed Juliet if I knew it meant being with him, like that, in that space forever. I have never wanted anything so much in this life. But unresolved past wounds & ego drug him so far away from me. Every day I wake up longing for him and I try to make new connections and build a new relationship that, in my hopes, will feel the same, but it does not- the energy that was within those brief moments in time with him, is just not there. Yes, the attachment I created to that unique connection with him is dangerous, as much as it is amazing. The reward of knowing such intensity in humaness, does not come without due penance for the guilt of letting myself succumb to such a sweet and yet toxifying pitfall.
Sadly, I cannot find anything else in this world that excites my soul so, and now I struggle to find sedulous care and reason for my exsistence. My mind is a daily battlefied of giving in to the suffering of loss and continuing to make each day count. It is almost worse than as if someone had died, because even beyond death there is connection and peace, but when life's social circumstances and wound's reciprocating emotions rip away your beloved to a place of no return, where does one go from there? What left is there to do that could ever compare to the bliss that was felt?
I remain in hope, but devastated.