wilshirist

I have a question. Whenever Teal talks about “today”, I’m confused because I live in a different time zone and whenever she says that, my day is already over. So is “today” the day that is over for me, or the next day? If she’s talking about a specific date, then the day would always be over for me when I hear Teal say something about it. That would be a bummer.

I would like to figure out what the rash on the sides of my stomach is and where it is coming from, but I don't know how. I tried remembering what changed in my life when it started, I tried art therapy and also going into the sensation of itchiness and looking it up in Metaphysical Anatomy. Does anyone have any tips?

I didn’t want to go out with anyone as I had been traumatised by men in the past. But I thought that something was wrong with me and I had to force myself to go on dates to fix my fears. So I signed up on a dating site and went on a few really terrible dates. The problem was that I was forcing myself to go when I didn’t want to. I was also convinced that I wasn’t allowed to have any standards. I was so full of self-hate that I thought that I had to force myself to be with someone who I didn’t like at all! The worst date of all these horrible dates was when I forced myself to go out with this guy who was completely wrong for me. On our first date he gave me flowers which made me panic, because I felt indebted to him. I remember disassociating from all the pressure. On our second date he brought flowers and a gift for me AND my cats. It was too much. My self-hating patterns didn’t allow for that. It was too painful. There is nothing more painful for a self-hating person than to go out with someone loving! After that date I was suicidal.

I liked sour skulls, Twix/Raider, Snickers, Skittles and sour roll-ups. Sour candies were my favourite type of candy. I didn’t like liquorice, chocolate (especially dark) or coconut. Nowadays I like dark chocolate. And liquorice is good too. I recently found Skittles in a black bag. They’re a little bit spicy. 🌶 Pretty good. I like spicy stuff. It’s a little bit like sour, I guess, a strong taste and experience. But it needs to be sweet at the same time. I strongly dislike Fisherman’s Friends. I like citrusy flavours though. Because of the sourness. Sour apple is really good. I like green candy. But it’s really important that there’s enough sugar to balance out the sourness.

I do a lot of parts work with myself and I've never come across an incompatibility that the parts wouldn't be able to resolve. They often don't agree initially, but after you let them talk and express, they naturally start moving towards healing and integration. They want unity. After hearing from both parts, I come out of them and watch them from the center consciousness and tell them what I observe about their patterns. This makes them more aware, and when I go into them again, the conversation takes a new turn. I also validate them and tell them what I think and feel about them. I honestly never have trouble or difficulty doing parts work. Maybe it's because I never force it. I have a lot of trouble and difficulty with CP though. Don't know why. Maybe it's because I have an aversion towards feeling and I feel unworthy of getting my inner child out of traumatic situations. Maybe I just suck at feeling and sinking into the emotion and being present with it unconditionally. It's too painful and I always just can't wait for it to end. It's mostly the initial sinking into the emotion part that I don't like and also the being stuck inside the memory. I do like and utilize other parts of the process. It's just much much easier for me to validate and comfort my traumatized inner children in parts work than through CP. Maybe I also don't like closing my eyes. Also, when I'm doing parts work, I'm not stuck in the traumatic memory, and that feels safer. Blah blah. I don't know. Maybe I don't like just feeling the emotion without knowing why, and parts work is all about the why. In CP, it's emotion first, and understanding comes afterwards. You have to trust and sink into the emotion. You have to jump into the unknown. But in parts work, you are more in control. You pick an issue that you want to work with. Then when you channel the parts and the emotions come, you instantly know why. You never have to jump into the unknown. At least that's how it is for me. Sorry, this wasn't a discussion about CP vs. parts work, but as I started writing my comment, this is what came up.

I didn't watch the whole significance segment, but from what I saw that boy was scared shitless of someone actually seeing him. What he most desperately wanted was something that had traumatized him severely. He cannot "get his own stage". He's nowhere near that place in his healing. I also saw deep shame from taking up Teal's stage for so long, yet inability to face the pain of it. It's like the moment he was called up he was trapped there. He was triggered and dissociating the whole time. This is my own projection of course. I feel like I know where he's coming from.

@Alex Shepps Thank you! I resonate with your struggles and your segment helped me feel seen. Although I also felt disappointed because I felt that the deepest pain was kind of bypassed, like "We can't get into it here. You'll have to do it with someone else." And as someone who feels like Teal is the only person who truly understands me, that felt like a slap in the face. But I have also issues with receiving help, so I guess I wouldn't be a match to that kind of segment, would I.

There is a positive intention behind everything that happens (see Teal's video on positive intention). It makes sense that you wouldn't want to observe the painful sensations. It would probably be wise to approach this in small steps and only feel the sensation when you feel ready. For example, if you write the images down, you can explore them more objectively and ask yourself, how could these images be helping me? See if you come up with anything. Well, we know that they are trying to make you aware of something, but what? What we also know about the universe that it's a mirror where the reflection gets magnified every time we ignore it. In my experience violent or horrific images are a magnification of something real - an emotion - that hasn't been healed. Looking back at your childhood, you won't therefore find that exact type of torture. But you might see something that the torture is a magnified reflection of. If you are writing about it, you can ask questions, like "what type of torture is this specifically? how does it make me feel? who's torturing me?" Really try to explore and understand the dynamics of the situation. The result will be that it's always about some kind of pain in a relationship, usually with a primary caregiver. If I remember correctly, Teal has spoken somewhere about the desire to be murdered that it's a reflection of the desire to be important to someone, to be the only focus of their attention. I don't know about your specific images, but you could ask similarly, what desire or need could this be a reflection of? And if/when you feel ready to feel the sensations, find a Completion Process facilitator or someone else who can be with you when you do it and guide you through it. Hope this helps!

That's interesting! I've heard that according to pagan traditions (?), Halloween or Samhain is the day when the veil between the living and the dead is the thinnest whole year. Therefore I'm going to be writing letters to my dead relatives today, hoping that they hear me and answer my questions.

This is my opinion based on my own experience. They're messages that are trying to get attention. Their horribleness suggests that they represent something that you have refused to look at for a long time. Best way to deal with them is to let them show you what the message is. You can also talk about them with someone you trust and you can explore them together. In my experience they work a bit like dreams in that they are an accurate representation of a suppressed vibration. Extreme violence points to extreme pain. It has helped me to write them down too. As soon as they are put into words and written on a piece of paper, they're outside of you so to speak and you can observe and analyze them more objectively. I can't say what your specific images mean, but in my own consciousness work, I've noticed for example that if the images are about you hurting others, it means that you are in pain and feel isolated. Once you give them the attention they need and take a calm approach, the message behind them is usually something totally understandable.

Thank you for the workshop!

Thank you for the workshop!

I love this bit: "The masculine flavor of support and care that is given instinctually, that natural tendency to offer encouragement and to take action to give assistance is what I love the very most about men."

"Emotional". I'd be interested to hear examples to why and how things speed up while inside the community.

This video was very inspiring, because it makes me feel like I can find my own place in the world too. The longest I've lasted in a (part time) 9-5 job was almost two years. That's my record. And it was a flexible, soft and feminine work place. The rest of the part-time jobs I've had, I've lasted from a couple of weeks to about six months. The shortest I've lasted in a job was two hours. I can't work for other people either, unless they're maybe super flexible and let me do what I want which never happens. I always get in conflicts with people at work, because I have so many ideas about how to develop a business and take it to the next level, and no one wants that. But now that I'm trying to start a business of my own, I struggle because of all the boring and difficult stuff that I need to do but can't do. And it's lonely. And I'm still not sure what my thing is... It's really frustrating. I have a question and I'd be interested to hear if anyone knows the answer to this. When you are starting a business and there's resistance, does that mean that it's not your life purpose and you're just doing the wrong thing, or does that mean just that you're just afraid of failure/connection/something and you need to heal that? What parts do I need to talk to to find out? Does anyone have any experience with this? Thanks!