Hello Cakimali,
I can relate almost with everything you said..
Teal says that we tend to create the relationship with the parent that we had the most difficult relationship!
It seems to me that you felt the relationship with your father harder than the one with your mother.You felt alone,not heard,not felt,not expressed in his presence, and so you create relationships where you feel the same feelings..
I feel,too,that I 'have to' feel my parents,understand them,etc when they don't do the same for me! This shows how afraid and hurt our parents are!
You can tell them in loving way 'I feel my feelings don't matter for you.I need more compassion.Can you give it to me?'(not blaming,no 'you',not labels) and see their response.
Once I was crying for a boyfriend I had very much.My father looked at me like some people look at other hysteric,crazy people and said to my mother that I need a psychologist,she never disagrees when he seems so sure,and they took me there! The psychologist said that I just had made my boyfriend 'big deal' in my mind and that my mother may is for blame for that( the truth is she was telling me to send him very melodramatic messages to express my love-the only way she expresses herself)! She never took me to the psychologist again.An example to show you I understand how you feel around them!! I love them more than anything in life,though!
