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coral

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  1. coral

    Dear Fractal

    beautiful.....this is the key to collective healing today. i wonder why more gurus or whatever, haven't made as much of a big deal about authenticity. what i like about you is that you place your healing stuff in the context of the actual fucked up modern world. and the most important thing is people actually feeling their real feelings. sad to say that we have to get there before we can even collectively move past that. we look outside of us for 'the illusion' and the matrix not fully realizing that the biggest illusions of all are the ones we hold about ourselves and how we REALLY feel about this mess. I was wayyyyyyy too sensitive to build the *walls* the normal people have. By normal, I mean your usual person who is an amalgamation of conditioning mixed in w glimmers of their true selves. But not building them allows me to see through people and see that deep deep deep down, they feel the same pain I cant avoid. Not building them forces me to be authentic because its too painful to my inner sensitivity not to and i can see all the parts of me clearly, they cannot hide from me in compartments. Not building those walls means this world looks very insane to me and i cannot rationalize that away in order to build a boxed in comfortable little life in which the way things are is even remotely tolerable. Not building them has allowed me to keep a childlike level of passion, empathy and its why I can't do things that hurt others or live in a way that denies the urgency of what needs to shift. Not building them means the thought of prison or genocide makes me physically sick to this day and I am COMPELLED to do something, to find my purpose in the shift. I hope you keep shouting to the rooftops about authenticity because I for one am tired of swimming in a sea of disconnected fakeness and the interpersonal isolation it causes. Id rather be around people in pain and trying to heal, then people in pain, unaware, and disinterested in going there. We should all be dealing w the collective pain as it comes up for healing. It should not just be on a few of us. And as things continue to speed up and shift and collapse, I have a feeling that a lot of peoples' psychological structures will be gutted and their ego walls will be of no use anymore, which will scare the shit out of them, and people like us will find more of a place among them, helping people into a new life of real emotions and heart centered authenticity.
  2. Looking back, this is really beautiful to read. Personal authenticity in one person that becomes visible to millions can be more powerful than the ongoing work of a million activists doing concrete things to bring about change. The bane of modern existence, the spiritual void we feel, is related to our inability to be truly present with ourselves and our feelings. The entire matrix program of control is based upon our collective lack of integration of our shadows. the "normal" psychological profile is so twisted to me. as a teen i remember thinking wow everything is fake and most people are too, then being told i have 'social anxiety disorder' and spending years clawing my way back to the truth. my perception has matured but to some extent i was right. its all this repressed pain causing the world to be so full of suffering. (i think we have an incredible courage strength and bravery that is hard for the world to even comprehend at this point, but that seems to be changing quickly) but yeah i look around my heart sees the world SCREAMING for realness! for truth, for what really is, for whats beyond the damn facade. you demonstrate something so profound and i understand the pain it causes to go through willingly triggering yourself like that for the good of others. I remember when I decided that it was the utmost authenticity or nothing. I just saw through the bullshit so hard that I couldn't be unreal anymore, it disgusted me and i wanted more from myself, i was being motivated and assisted by a higher purpose that had little use for my socially programmed fear response to my own true raw divine self or peoples stupid reactions to it. regardless, the fear and shame it triggered and continues to trigger is real. better than before though. I used to have panic attacks after blog posts in which I spoke in my inherently honest and self revealing way. i have lost friends by being myself and people often dont know what to do with me, the more i let the real me out. but you know what the most amazing thing about it is? once i really started doing authenticity as a hardcore spiritual practice (i think we started focusing on it at the same time) but yeah once i really started taking it seriously and holding myself to it, I began to...be a sort of *channel* for wisdom i didnt fully even understand the source of.....i began to write words that *touched* people in places they forgot they ever had, a long long time ago. i began to *wake* people out of their slumber with the power behind my words. i began to attract people that almost...*followed* me....pretty much started to step into my role as a healer and so much beautiful shit blossomed as a result of the commitment to authenticity. i know ive touched and changed peoples lives just from a few conversations and its because of the magic and POWER that lies within the authenticity we're taught to fear more than anything.
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