Lunar10

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About Lunar10

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  • Birthday 10/06/93

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  1. Interesting read until the haters were brought up. Do everyone a favour, let the haters be haters, and focus on the actual substance.
  2. Trapped as the rescuer Hello Tealers! I'm in a deep dilemma regarding my relationship, and you could say i've reached a point where i feel desperate. We met eight monts ago. She was 18, i was 23. I loved her from the beginning, we had a unique chemistry, the most harmonious relationship you could think of. In many ways she is the sweet girl from nextdoor, she's lighthearted, energetic and very child like. The three rows we had in eight months lasted about half an hour and ended in hugging after some tears. That is us. Many nights i helped her with trauma release, it felt good to put my knowledge in shadow work together with my love for her. I don't want to reveal much, but this girl was and still is deeply wounded. The intensity was unparalleled to what i've experienced. Many nights were something between holding her for a few hours in the most extreme pain, to flashbacks where she lost complete connection to reality. Part of why i needed to be with her was the aggravation that she used to be a cutter. Her pain was often so intense that i physically needed to hold her so she couldn't hurt herself. It was always hard to hold my ground in everything, beeing with her with all my consciousness, but i loved her. And it deepened our connection. I don't know if i consciously wanted it, but i became her rescuer. Eight months later. I've lost my romantical feelings towards her and will soon break up with her. I still love her as my best friend. She feels like my little sister. I've reached a point in my life where i feel deeply depressive, pretty much a state in which i can only handle the basic necessities in my life. Shadow work gets super intense for me, i'm getting really deep in my root traumas; life is okay but many days it's hard looking upwards to the light. And i feel like i can't help her. It is just too much. Problem is i am the only one who is there for her. Her parents are an alcoholic mum and a deeply narcistic dad. We had her in a clinic and she has a therapist, but nothing was of true help. Some days i'm sitting on my coach, between tears and raw desperation, and she writes me. Everything in me screams "NO. I can't do it!". She is not even beeing manipulative about it, she comes to me like an innocent crying child. And i take my phone and call her, calm her down and am there for her. And i know in these moments i leave my inner child and go over to hers. I feel so awful some days, but i know she is gonna cut herself if i'm not there for her. Or i rationalize "Her is pain is probably much more unbearable, i need to help her". When she leaves or i hang up the phone i usually cry for us both. Her darkness is additionally hard to hold up against in myself even though i try to lighten her up. A long time i didn't want to admit it to myself but i feel resentful towards her, and it feels horrible because i still love her. I know i have a rescuer personality(helping yourself in others), but i also know that i truly want help her as a friend. And i'm certain if i cut her off, she is going to fall into the darkness. We tried everything, the clinic experience was a disaster, and the many therapist were only of mild help. She needs a bear, and i'm a wounded wolf. She is deeply craving for someone to take care of her. Not that i could even do that, but i'm the last helping hand in her life. She also told me she has suicidal visions, but she promised she wouldn't do anything. We talk a lot, she understands me, sometimes when we say goodbye she supresses her feelings so it wouldn't bother me, and it breaks my heart. I don't know how to keep on going, it eats me up from inside. A big part of me wants to cut her off, another wants to help, it's tearing me apart. That was one novel, but maybe you could get something out of it. Thank you for your thoughts!
  3. Even rewatching the quality will be just a bad though i think the picture wasn't as hard to understand as Teal made it out to be, it really wasn't a polynomial funtion. For some emotions she was even torn where to place them, so forget about that graph. The next step in emotion on that ladder will come to you naturally when you're accepting towards all your feelings.
  4. Notes from the Livestream Here are my notes, if someone can get something out of it. They are far from complete, rephrased in my own words and thoughts, so no guaranties. How to use the completion process Teal's MasterClass ◇ Getting sleepy/Dissociation/numbness: Let yourself sink into the numbness fully, let it happen, be present ➜ eventually the wall will go down, and the unconcious will come up ◆ Trauma: Parts of your consciousness dissociate, one aspect of yourself stays back The completion process brings back awareness, intuition of your past self, and self assuredness » when is it over, i want to be complete, i need to heal to get better « ➤ Be happy with who you are, you are complete as you are ➤ You're doing the completion process because you want to be with yourself and you love beeing with yourself (=/ doing it out of suffering) ➤ Imagine the process like going in the basement with a flashlight and making the shadows visible ◇ Always use the oldest memory, the root memory will integrate the younger ones as well ◇ Sometimes you need to set off your own triggers ➜ go in the direction of your resistance, do the activity you're feeling so much resistance towards, and be fully present with the resistance and other feelings arising ◇ Be accepting towards all your aspects: ➤ e.g. don't judge the destructive part of yourself, validate its needs ➤ even imagine through revenge fantasies, it will raise your vibration one step further by giving you the feeling of freedom, relief ➤ don't judge your true feelings; don't fall into right/wrong mentality ◇ You might need to go through a memory several times. Often there are different aspects, feelings and desires to be met ◇ Questioning: »When was the first time i used this ...[coping technique, e.g. supression, distraction..] to cope with this ...[feeling] « ◇ Vibrational Raise: Imagine a ladder of vibrations, in order to climb up you need to take it step by step, e.g. from depression to rage to relief (imagining the revenge) ➜ acknowledge if a feeling feels "right" or "wrong" to you(social conditioning), integrate that judgement with the conscious intention of going through a feeling and validating it
  5. Let's be clear about the "Forest Fire" that Teal predicts to inevitably happen to us. It's not just the financial breakdown that is bound to happen and which most people see coming. Where would be the spiritual ascending in a financial breakdown? The countries would introduce new currencies and the old system would slowly return to where it started. It would be rocky but not the big shift. It is a third world war. You can be the most mondane human beeing and still recognize the clear signs. In the last months Nato forces were more than tripled at the russian borders, massive missile deployment in eastern Europe by the US, a country with a foreign policy of a starving bloodhound. Oh well i live in central Europe and it wouldn't be exaggerated to say that i'm somewhat worried. I accept Source's and other spiritial entities' choice to brutally murder the majority of us, so Source's consciousness can grow a tad faster, but i must say, it would be really neat getting out of this alive. Teal was positive that her guides would be on the alert when something was coming, yet i'm afraid this alert could be too late for Western Europe, where we are literally the first to die. Fleeing when the snowball visibly started rolling might very well be too late. I want clarity, some kind of prediction of people who have spiritual access to future time lines when things and energies are condensing. Because my spiritual guide, an old imperturbable man, isn't telling me jack shit. Seriously, what are your guys' plans? Where do you plan on going? Some island in the middle of the ocean? Another question for people with more access, where actually are the best places to go? Why didn't Teal go into any detail about anything regarding this topic? "Something utterly horrendous will happen!... do your best." Okay she mentioned self sufficient communities and training skills for the future, but that was about it. And let's stop calling it the ominous "Forest Fire" and call things at their name. This is not the time for implied truths. Well, at worst we're all gonna die.