Starlight

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  1. Thank you Teal. This article is so so needed. ..i feel my whole spiritual journey, simply amounted to secondary wounding, it became a complete repetition in another guise, of the intense invalidation I'd already received. The whole positive thinking nonsense, that I swallowed hook line and sinker, was a complete cut de sac. The answer to everything in that philosophy is 'change your thoughts about it'.. which is basically saying, how you feel is wrong. It's completely shaming, forces you out of emotions onto the mental plane.. it took me years of journaling and diagram drawing, trying to figure out why it felt so wrong, what was happening, and what the 'lie' was. Keep up your amazing work 💕
  2. Brilliant post thankyou. I completely understand (an ex-chronic self-deprecator.) Here goes! I am beautiful. I am highly intelligent and perceptive. i am a very talented creative. i am bright and shining. i am fun and funny. I am kind. I am able to face my deeper emotional pain and fear. Despite all my weaknesses and repeated giving up, even though it terrifies me, I am following my dreams and honouring others with my commitment to being the most creative best self I can be. I am brave.
  3. "Open the flood gates and expose the truth of who you are, and all that will be left is people who accept it. All others will flee, you will be left with only those that are allies. " Teal This is also interesting in the first half of this re wounding around exposure/privacy..
  4. I've seen TED advertising for people in the past, all people had to do was submit their idea/content for the talk, no cost, might be worth a look into that side of things.
  5. Is anyone else trying to figure out this issue? this video of Teal's helps me.. in another video Teal spoke about some women suppressing their seductiveness/attractiveness as a result of sexual assault - I wonder how to change this?
  6. Thanks Walt, yes the fundamental fear seems to be for my safety. God knows how to develop trust..I'm working away on that one, the years go by.. Thanks Mark, but there's no way I could share videos here.. a lovely supportive suggestion by you though, thankyou! yes it would be nice to think friends and family would be supportive, but very few people with a lot of trauma are in supportive environments, the trauma exists not just in the inner self, but in the wider environment. Despite the fact I'm unusually non-competitive and sharing, it practically impossible for me to get support from others. As a rule, people back winners, not the genuinely shy and uncertain.. some people act the shyness, but beneath they are actually not shy at all. Ive recently started to ask in my mind about friends and family.. 'does this person want the best for me, do they want me to succeed as much as I wish for them or at all?' A question I've never dared ask, as I knew the answer would be upsetting. But I'm strong enough to now, and strong enough to see their meanness or jealousy as the problem, and not that im simply unworthy of their love. Which is how I used to interpret it. So now it means I can walk away. I think it is this one act, that's giving me confidence to consider going public, simply walking away from all these types of people who simply compete with me and don't love me. I have been in relationship with these types of people my whole life and looking back I see the genuine power one person has to undermine and drain another, if that other is not conscious and does not love themselves enough to walk away.
  7. Going public I'm just rewatching Teals videos and I'm so impressed by what she has to offer. this post is about presenting oneself to the world, being authentic, coping with critics and somehow staying safe and whole? Basically I admire Teal's ability to do this and I do see her as genuine and authentic. in my own experience, very few people I know that are good self promoters are balanced, (most are narcissists and addicts to attention, 'sharing' and advertising themselves)...But I know that it's possible, I just wonder how to get there myself? Ive also been most interested in Teal's very feminine presentation of herself, the sultry photo styles, make-up. I sensed my resistance to this when I first came across her, but it didn't take me long to think..... 'actually this is brilliant..! I love that she is not hiding, not denying her femininity..' it's also unusual in spirituality at this level (though body beautiful and image is everything in many yoga circles though that's more the 'gym' yoga type mentality..). Teal also regularly presents herself very naturally too. Like many women with a lot of trauma from sexual abuse, being 'seen' is one of the most difficult things for me. Therefore 'putting myself out there' becomes quite literally impossible, in every sense. Long before any memories of all my trauma surfaced, I was years trying to figure out my intense stage fright, one day a friend asked why I was so bad..I pondered and the next said ''you know I think I'm afraid I'll be physically attacked by someone' only years later did I remember actual attacks and only then did my own statement make sense to me. Even if a traumatised individual can go into a public domain post-sexual abuse..what are the steps to doing this safely? ..actually respecting and honouring the valid emotions and the depth of the trauma my own need to keep safe causes me firstly to withdraw constantly, secondly to completely downplay my femininity, I'm scared of make-up, of fashion..though I love them..I secretly feel bereft - but I feel it's not safe for me to have those things..or be seen at all. In my life experience, attention has always been a negative experience and brought severely negative people and experiences into my life. i know I have missed out repeatedly on benefiting from the results of my talent and work, because I always withdraw to try and keep safe and I know that up to now, that has been absolutely essential to keep me safe, but I think maybe I've reached a time for change now..
  8. So interesting to read this Teal. Thankyou. I have been following your writing and videos for quite some time and I was curious what you would make of Ireland. I wondered if I was sentimentalising it. I've always felt this innate goodness.. the connection with the land is exactly as you describe it. The grief exactly. The parts of Ireland that are more difficult to process are the civil war, abuse by fellow countrymen in their roles of power in the Catholic Church, huge amounts of paedophilia via the priests, the Magdalen Laundries, many many years of the oppression of women. More recently the abuse of citizens via the corrupt banking systems. But sexual abuse is the Elephant in the Room. How is all that to be healed?
  9. Thanks Andreas.. 'there is a divine framework of right and wrong of which our human ethics and morals are but a crude approximation.' This is the system of values I was alluding to in my original post. So subjective perspective, is not everything. Though it's indeed very helpful to understand the beliefs a person is basing their responses on. I also like this..thanks for all the quotes you shared. Useful.
  10. Thanks for your replies everyone. My main goal bringing this up, is to promote a questioning approach. I've come across several meditation/spirituality teachers.. who trot out these concepts in a dogmatic way, which is ironic. Pastor George yes totally, that's the useful aspect of this idea and I'd go as far as to say it's absolutely necessary in order to be fair to people. And then yes, the behaviour and not the person. I just feel people forget to call out the 'behaviour' as they are so keen to be non-judgemental of the person. That's been me most of my life to be honest! Let he who is without sin cast the first stone - becomes I. can't criticise anyone about anything, because I once stole a chocolate bar. Yet the loving thing to do is call out poor behaviour. Thanks Andreas! I'll definitely look at that soon when I have more time, a bit short on time right now. The very reason I follow Teal, in fact the very thing that attracted me to her work, was that I had about 50 other concepts that used to bug me and I felt no-one was really clarifying them at all. Practically every single one, Teal would bring up, look at from different angles and turn them from sometimes vague abstractions to incredibly useful, grounded information. Neptune thanks for that reflection. Yes. Exactly.
  11. Hi Walt. That's not the point I'm making. Hi Nuia, this is also an idea that I've heard a lot and I also question that. Action has a consequence yes, but no good or bad? I certainly heard this idea from teachers I've had, but they were just passing on words they had heard themselves..
  12. I just want to share something that's been bothering me for a long time. so this idea that 'everyone is right from their perspective' I can accept to a fair degree. It's certainly useful to understand the thought-system within which a person is acting and to understand their emotional landscape. But I feel that the important next step, is often never arrived at.. Is this person's behaviour abusive, dangerous or damaging to others? They may be acting 'in a right fashion according to their perspective' .....but there are generally accepted codes of behaviour beyond the subjective perspective. I feel it is important to bring this into the equation. Otherwise you get the school yard situation of the abuser and abused, being told to apologise to each other - so the abused kid has to apologise to the kid that's bullying him. Similarly this idea of 'creating meaning' I feel is taken so far it becomes absurd. 'I imposed a meaning due to my perspective' as if there was no system of values outside of individual perspective. Isn't it odd how we all 'impose very similar meaning' on key life experiences such as the loss of a loved one, losing all our money, being caught in a war, winning a coveted prize.
  13. Hi Walt, no I didn't think you were. I was agreeing with your positioning of it as a by-product of feeling-work. I just carried on my rant then, because I'm so frustrated with how common this is and I feel it can be so destructive and slow people's recovery down. But maybe with my catholic background i've been particularly manipulated across the board by this pressure to forgive, it's a a blanket response by the church to everything. If a person doesn't already have Stockholm Syndrome, being pressurised to forgive certainly helps the development of it.
  14. Forgiveness as a natural by-product is good. It doesn't need to be foisted on anyone - it has a natural position in the process of healing and insight. Focus on the self first. There is also the fact many people come from religious backgrounds where the onus is put on victims to forgive and the perpetrators are never accountable, they continue to be almost invisible. All the work belongs to the victim, no process of reparation or restitution in return. Yes the perpetrators have gone through something, but in some cases they have been indulged, spoilt and never been held accountable and so the process continues. Personally I don't want anything from the people who damaged me. What I DO want is to be allowed to unchain myself from what does not belong to me. I carried their shame, now I'm constantly being told in order to heal I need to forgive them. I think what they did is horrific, but basically it's not my behaviour. My problem is dealing with the aftermath and the effects on me, which in a way is impersonal or personal only to me. They can face their actions and try forgive themselves. That process has nothing to do with me.
  15. I get tired, to say the least, of the 'don't be a victim' philosophy. For some people this may be a necessary step forward. But there are others who should be told 'you need to see yourself as a victim'. You were victimised when you couldn't defend yourself and you need to admit that and feel what that felt like, before you can progress with your healing. I'm talking about people who have experienced sexual abuse, neglect, trauma etc in childhood, or equally have been abused, raped, assaulted in adulthood and who have lived in denial or have been prematurely pushed into 'not being a victim' before they have even begun the steps of processing what it feels like to be completely under the power of someone harming you and utterly powerless to stop it. I know the intentions are meant to be empowering, but for some of us the sentiment is incredibly invalidating. Don't get me started on people who will start talking that a 5yo child had a victim mentality and so attracted her abuser. So in a word, I'd love to hear more caveats and distinctions when this phrase is being doled out as advice. Equally I'm sick of hearing about 'forgiveness'. The way I look at it is, the perpetrators are responsible for their actions. Those who have suffered their actions or abuse don't even have to think about them or their motivations, it's simply not their job to forgive them. I feel it happens way too often that the victims of crimes are told to forgive as their path to healing. Again I know the intentions are good and meant to be empowering. Maybe if the person is fixated on the perpetrator, it's needed, but otherwise I think it's simply the wrong use of focus and energy. For a great many victims the problem is not learning to forgive, it's learning to become angry. Learning to see and feel it as an injustice, not simply all that they deserved. The focus on forgiveness really causes an 'anger-bypass' and for a large sector of people, especially victims of sexual abuse, I feel their path to healing is through connecting with the fire of positive anger.