sugarplum

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About sugarplum

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  • Birthday 04/16/1998

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  1. sugarplum

    Hey, that sounds horrible. I mean the place of indecision. Not trying to be mean, I feel you<3. And I can't help you (not in a way I want to), because my life is a mess and also in this kind of place of not knowing shit about how my life will turn out and feeling like a failure. Though, I am one step backwards, well at least that is how I felt reading your post. So good for you! You can obviously still choose the other option. You haven't decided yet otherwise you wouldn't write this post, would you? You probably want support and want to know what other people would do in your place. Honestly my mind would choose to stay with the family (so your family) and my heart would move. Sorry ... and not that you don't have options. You could still move back if you don't like it there in the new city, right? I think you are scared of choosing, because something really bad might happen. How does the worst case scenerio look like? Go there. Your brain listed a lot of points, but your heart feels failure. Sorry, that was very honest, but I would want someone to tell me the same thing. Everything will work out anyway, you can do it! And imagine having someone in the worst case scenerio. I would seriously start a fund raiser if you got broke for example<3.
  2. sugarplum

    I love the American Beauty ending and the plastic bag scene and the soundtrack - oh my, oh god! Well, I like the whole movie. I love a lot of movies, but I know most people know American Beauty ... So we can relate if you guys also like it (which you probably do). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qssvnjj5Moo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtbbqjiFaGY
  3. sugarplum

    My life situation is quite complicated and from my stand point I don't see a solution or steps towards it. I need your help. In a nutshell I live with my emotionally and physically abusive mum who has narcissistic tendencies. My feelings are like shit for her. I am 18 yo and I am not financially independent otherwise. My dad doesn't want to have a contact with me. My mum violated his personal life and that is his reasoning (on the surface) of why he avoids me. He lives in a foreign country anyway and I have never met him. Another thing my mum has prevented me from doing when I was little. My school life also isn't nice. I go to some grammar school and the school system kills me. I have no idea of what I would like to do in life and I have almost no one to connect with. My mum said she will kick me out if I leave school. Suicide seems to be the best option so far ... I feel so powerless and that is my biggest shadow, but trying to heal yourself in the same environment people hurt you isn't a smart idea. What can I do?
  4. sugarplum

    Hell yes it exists! Try the tofutti brand cheese. A lot of vegans like it
  5. sugarplum

    Hello, thank you for your reply! You seem lovely! Yeah, I have to do loads of shadow work, but I have tried to do it alone and it sort of didn't work, because a lot my trauma has to do with feeling invisable, unheard and I think I need to do it with someone who went through the process already, has some experience and could offer me presence without pulling back. I found someone, Teal's practitioner, though she is currently not available. And yes, I let myself feel. I let emotions flow through me. I often feel suicidal and was kind of pushed into feeling these intense experiences, emotions from a young age. I didn't have much of a choice to feel or not to feel, because my reality collapsed from time to time. If I didn't adjust with my feelings/align with this new reality, I wouldn't be here. But I am drained and full of resentment and other negative feelings which fill the lack of experiences I wanted to have and want to have (ah, the passive agressive victim role). I may feel, but there is a gap in between multiple realities which seem false. Haha, yea healing trauma is the solution, yay. I soo fail "climbing" the emotional ladder. I fall quite quickly, but it probably improves with practice. I will focus on other things instead. Indeed, writing helps. Btw, my uncle's family lives in the UK. I like it there, the people I have met were nice.
  6. sugarplum

    Hello fellow Tealers, my name is Sara! My username is sugarplum, because it is a nickname my bestfriend (ex bestfriend? - it's complicated) liked to call me a while ago and I find it cute and I am all about cuteness... and problems haha. Damn, I haven't written anything in English for ages. It is a nice change, but also a bitter one, because I am reminded of forgetting something I am good at = so neglecting a part of myself. Which is what I do a lot. Ok, switching to the intro part... I am 18 yo, I live in Slovenia. A land which doesn't resonate with me very well. I doubt a lot of Slovene people get attached to our home country. It has a different, emotionally charged atmosphere I think. Little connection, a lot of self doubt. Which is also a reflection of my shadow obviously. I am already regretting writing this, because I feel that I am very bad at expressing/writing and connecting with people, but I want connection so badly. This is the reason I joined this forum. Hopefully you want to connect with me too. Also does anyone have advice for dealing with expression blockages? Mine are quite severe. I actually need a break after writing this.