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About michaelmendes

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  • Birthday 07/09/1993

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  1. michaelmendes

    That's awesome that you're able to reach these realizations. I've been doing the same things. When i take a moment to be conscious, i'm able to see all of the person's past experiences that lead them to act the way they're acting, as well as my past experiences as to why i'm so triggered. I'm happy you responded, it's really nice to talk to someone that's going through a similar issue
  2. michaelmendes

    The way you heal and protect yourself is the same process for everyone. You have to establish safe boundaries. that could mean only inviting friends to be around you while you're learning to hone in on your skills or it could be actively telling people what your priorities are and if they can't meet them, then to leave. you need to honor the aspect of yourself that feels vulnerable and to not put it through hell. eventually, creating boundaries will become so natural that your life will feel very safe.
  3. michaelmendes

    @LostWhale I can relate. The answer is not an easy one. I'm slowly picking myself up out of that hell now. I really struggled with a purpose for me being here. What helped me the most was when i realized why being here is so hard. Every moment of our lives we deny our passion and our desires to such an extent that we don't even remember what it feels like to like something. I was going through my life, completely apathetic and so not enthused about anything. and the reason for was that in my childhood, someone else was always telling me that i had to be somewhere or do something against what i actually wanted to do. I never actually made decisions for myself about what i wanted to do. I placed such little importance on what i wanted to do that i literally lost an opinion on my life. The world could've ended and it would've just been another day for me. I wouldn't let you read this without letting you know how i'm pulling myself out of it. My life got bad enough that i realized that in every moment of our lives there is a decision we could make. And that is to live or die. and what i had been doing was dying while i was alive. Something clicked for me in realizing that, that i started to ask myself if i had any preferences in situations in my life. I was able to feel the lack of desire to do things but i wanted to know if there was a rooted desire buried beneath all of that.... There was. and there is for you. Some part of yourself wants to live but you're too hurt to recognize it. When i started doing this, i felt like i mattered a little bit. I'm still fighting but i know now that there's a purpose for me if i'm willing to see it. I hope it's not too late to send this and i hope this maybe helped a little. If you ever need to talk, we're all here for you
  4. michaelmendes

    Yeah i think it's something along those lines. Deeply embedded into me is a fear of women. I know a lot of men have it, they're just too afraid to admit it. I had a lot of attachments to the female figures in my life that it just left me completely vulnerable to girls and it was so easy for them to shake my confidence so effortlessly. How are you doing now around women? Were you able to heal any of that?
  5. michaelmendes

    Self love doesn't have a shape or form, it's dependent on the person and where their able to move emotionally . If going to your family gathering feels bad to you, the only thing that's keeping you from staying home is guilt and rejection. "If i don't go my family won't approve of me." So what you really are looking for is acceptance. So.... knowing that, what would someone who loves themselves do? I'm not you, but my best guess would be to seek out people who do approve of you whether or not you do things you feel obligated to do. Love takes the quickest route, fear takes the round a bout way. which in this case would be torturing yourself to feel the approval and acceptance that you desire
  6. michaelmendes

    I am realizing that more each day. I came on here for some input on it because i don't ever want it to get to that point. I've already been torturing my mind with all the scenarios that this could cause. lately i've been brutally honest with myself in regards to this specific problem and i've realized a lot already. lol thanks. this "quote" button seems to be what i was looking for
  7. michaelmendes

    also can someone tell me how to reply to someone on here specifically? Garnet, i see you posted something and i want to reply to you but i just don't know where that option is on here
  8. michaelmendes

    I've been able to validate my own resistance, as have i to hers. I'm also aware of the use of the term to bypass any real vulnerability, but i'm only using the word "resistance" to spare you the details. however, my love for her is normally a lot more noticeable but i can't deny the fact that i've been hurting lately. She told me she had been flirting with someone else. Most of my time has been spent trying to heal the pain that that brought up. So i'm not surprised that you picked up on the fact that i didn't mention i love her. But when i get out of that triggered state of mind i'm able to really admit to my feelings for her. Also, i appreciate your honesty. this is kind of my first time talking to someone besides sandra(my girlfriend) about anything that's bothering me.
  9. michaelmendes

    I do. We've been together almost five years but we've both been in a rut lately. We're both hurting each other out of resistance, but our desire to work things out is still strong. I just want to find the root of my resistance but it's been tough lately
  10. michaelmendes

    relationship shadow Hi i'm mike, Lately i've been noticing this habit of mine to be short or rude to my girlfriend (not proud of these moments but they do happen). Her and i talk about it but i can't seem to get past whatever is bringing it up. I've done some shadow work and i think i've traced the feelings back to my sister as a child. She was always mean to me but i always looked up to her. I was always her punching bag, and i think i'm taking these feelings of pent up rage and powerlessness out on my girlfriend. My girlfriend for some reason seems to trigger all of these feelings back for me, even though she's nothing like my sister. She's sweet and loves me a lot and i don't want to keep doing this to her. Has anyone had a similar experience? If so, i'd love to know how you resolved it. I'll be trying some shadow work in the meantime, i'm sure just being aware of this will help significantly