Dear Teal. So great to read about your facination towards medieval castles. I have it too and like you i feel the raw aliveness still kept in such places.
I get the impression that your apprehension towards stage-work has to do with some change coming in how your work will unfold in the future. So maybe being anonymous and invincible for a while is necessary for the hatching of this new way.
Anyway, take care and know you are much loved.