Niquita

That I really want a close and loving relationship with the people around me (specifically my mom), but it feels "weak" to ask. I'm also worried that she will say "No," in her own way, because in the past my parent's love was super conditional on me being "convenient" as a kid (no needs allowed, not even emotional ones, not allowed to cry even if I had fallen and hurt myself). I just want to love her for me, but in my heart, I feel like she is truly unwilling and it's very painful.