Last night, I was unpacking my carry on while simultaneously doing parts work when I happened upon the 3 clothing items given to me by my father's significant other during a recent trip to my hometown of Baltimore, Maryland. I picked up the white thermal he used to wear, and I began to sob. He recently passed away, and it has been a healing journey of very visceral purges like wet knots in my stomach and heart contractions.
I very gently packed the belongings away with other beloved items, and sat in meditation for a while. I've been working with Teal's vibrational painting print, 'Receive,' and I actually felt an aspect of me kicking and screaming because it couldn't accept the vibration of it. I was able to find a memory of being stuck in my crib as an infant where I was left alone, and I was kicking, locked up, and it felt like I was so upset I was both seizing and dissociating. Typically, I go into a memory afterward with my guides, and remedy things intuitively. This time, Teal was there, and scooped my infant self up, where she held me. 'I had to,' she smiled in the memory. I was able to see this, and feel that my infant self knew it was safe, and forever safe in the collective safety we all share in being 'together.' I was able to 'close' the memory within my own 'campus' or 'memory castle' (or 'sanctuary') that one creates for TCP though I've been working with my created space for much longer, and felt resolution.
My water fixture in this space is like a tank where I can allow the water, suspended in a cube, to wick out all kinds of inner pollution, purify tendrils of energetic murkiness, and whatever else might be needed.
It was during this session that I realized I was seeing myself in the womb. I saw an embryonic version of myself, and through divine guidance brought the vibration of 'Receive' into it with me. 'Hi,' I said, elated to see myself. I had a release, and began to cry as I told this being she would be received fully, in love, and that she was beautiful. I felt these emotions genuinely, and was so delighted. The expansion in my heart space was like a creaking glacier, gleaming with sunlight. The ice in my being had been touched by presence, the light of consciousness. 'I am the womb, the womb I am,' I thought. 'I am the chrysalis, the chrysalis I am.'
This evening, there was a part of me that did not want to work on my penultimate college class project. A couple of my guides and I spoke with her in the 'campus' space, someplace comfortable. She looked about 14, and wanted to be a kid. Upon speaking with her for a few moments, I asked, 'Is it that we're about to go on to another class, and you don't want to miss our instructor?' I had a huge break, and began to cry once more, my heart released deep ache. I was able to go back to when my younger self around age 6 had grown attached to her teacher, and was traumatized to leave her behind. I was able to allow her teacher and my mother to become friends, and host after school activities for other little girls who were art sensitive like I had been. This resolved the trauma, and my family home became the warm, bright, bustling place I had always wished it would be.
In my 'campus sanctuary,' the 14-year old had been playing with other girls her own age for a bit. I was sitting with one of the guides I'm closer with, and we were talking some things over. Recently, a coworker had shocked me in a bout of feedback that had manifested as cold statements about the series I've been creating for many years. It's become bigger than the sky, it feels like. 'No restrictions being applied' one of my guides just pointed out on this page. Yeah, parameters will be set shortly. I realized my 14-year old had come back. She wanted to reintegrate with me. We were present with each other for a little bit, and I wanted to make sure this was what she wanted because there was no rush, but she was ready. So, I allowed for her reintegration, and for that of any other part of me stuck in 'freeze', or in 'numbness.'
What I saw was truly beautiful. I saw a mental landscape like that of a Chronicles of Narnia mini-series I watched as a child. Like a scene near the finale of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, I saw icy landscapes beginning to thaw, as in spring. I invited all parts of my being to join in with this springtime thaw, and I heard a great 'crack!' as if the stone table had split, a glacier had broken in two. Creaking continued, and became running water. I felt renewed, and 'begin anew' kept scrolling in words across my mind's eye like in a content creator's video. Warmth touched my being, and my divine feminine energy began to flow throughout this experience. I felt instantly reborn, as I had while in 'the womb' the night before.
These miraculous experiences are such a gift. I'm truly grateful to Teal Swan for The Completion Process, and for everything that I'm seeing reborn in my life. I'm turning my penultimate project in a bit late, but now, there is another time, and another place for everything.