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Stephanie Wintermute

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Everything posted by Stephanie Wintermute

  1. Being silent for most of my life.
  2. Zomg! My heart leaps with joy! *fanfare dances* Thank you so much for your response, it means the world. I was so choked up writing that message, I never even thought it would resonate with anyone on this spectrum of my life. Interconnectivity is the best, most amazing gift of all. May you and your hubby have a fantastic holiday! Grand Finale, a symphonic Final Fantasy VI album is one of my very favorite I play on Christmas but I also enjoy the newer indie game soundtrack offerings like Transistor by Darren Korb (the Supergiant games are stellar). Ah, I hope to chat more soon! Noel!
  3. I used to be around horses a bit in my early teens and I remember 'horse cookies' with this story. So sweet to hear, I loved this Christmas tale. I had a hard time with horses then, since my mother was obsessed with collecting pets and I would fall into the caretaker role for her hobby. She had a horse named Charlie and eventually, he was adopted out. He was a skittish Tennessee Walker who thankfully hadn't had his legs weighted for show but was definitely not ideal for riding. He spooked at everything and I primarily learned how to be very sensitive around horses, and humans, lol. I just had a little inner work moment where my teen self and I made Charlie some Christmas oats in my safe space, which apparently now has a stable somewhere. We both held the little cup and he seemed to enjoy it. Charlie threw my mom off of him once and she suffered a very bad concussion. I was around 12 and I was mad at her, mad at him, mad at not having a 'real life'. The life I did have was a caretaking life, of all the pets and my mom. After the head injury, eventually, my mother stopped paying board and Charlie was placed with other owners on the ranch where he was boarded. I was relieved and confused. What I had wanted to stop, had but life was then just the subtle hope of the inspiration I gathered in playing Super Nintendo RPGs. There were tragedies, electronic symphonic resonance, there were random battles. There were boss fights. I am now an Audio Production major and work for a creative Production company in Los Angeles that specializes in creating pop culture and indie/vintage video game experiences. I am moving into artist housing next week (I made the leap 2 months early to fully follow my dreams in a completely aligned environment); I want to make video game soundtracks (and also sing); I was so inspired by the 'grip', the feeling of traction and relevance that video games gave me in the wake of those lonely, cold, exhausting days at the stables. They were beautiful too, but desolately so. My favorite spaces in the Final Fantasy series for Super Nintendo were 'save points' where your entire party would be safe (no enemy encounters at all in these spaces, no unexpected threat typically unless there was a story event that lead to a battle). My mother's horse related injuries had hurt her physically, so I began reading my game adventures out loud to her (there is a LOT of dialogue in RPGs or role playing games). She had loved it. So, we adventured together in the living room and my sister would join for the adventures while she read or did something else. I was always the player. It was like playing a musical instrument that was a story as well. Many gamers make a living doing these types of walkthroughs on YouTube and this was very much like a fireside version of that. It delights me and inspires me though it also confuses others who are not so gaming inclined. I would have these epic moments and feel inspired... To create these stories one day. To create the music. To be free. To play! With others! To be seen! Finally revealed to enjoy the world with other 'experiencers' of it. Teal, I say this today and I am going to my very first synchronicity workshop in Los Angeles on February 1st, 2020... You were my save point! Thank you for all of your teachings. I knew there would be real party members out there... And real spiritual women warrior leaders. I knew it! I have chosen to live my life fully, to receive and express fully and to gain new experiences in my journey of awakening. I hope to connect and make great friends at the workshop! In loving memory of Ram Dass as well, integrating one's practice is everything. Practice is in mucking the stalls, refilling the water buckets, spreading out the hay, making hot oats (gifting hot oats), building levels, making it to save points, journeying forward to new places. Practice is integration, interactivity, a uniting of consciousness on the planet. How wonderful to be available on the planet to be gifted and to be the gift. I had to endure a whole lot of pain to be able to get here. Thank you, teacher. Teal, thank you for teaching me how to gift hot oats. May you be blessed.
  4. Aw, I love this. I also just saw the frequency painting of Creativity for the first time in Let the Universe Choose Your Message... moments before watching this (It's hanging in the background). Christmas magic ahoy!
  5. Just pulled mine - Expectations. I've pulled Blame a lot though this week and have been disconnected from others because of it. I've had what I feel is success being less blaming of myself and others and thus more connected. It was challenging though. I live in Los Angeles and to say the energy is harsh is an understatement. Doing what I'm authentically capable of where connecting is involved and especially with myself.
  6. This very much helps to talk about, I have been diving into observing my communication styles and realize I am very much a repressed non-verbal communicator. Service has been my biggest love language and I feel like I've been screaming 'I love you' in it for many years. I didn't understand it well until I heard of the love languages and took that approach to seeing expression. It does help. I also realize that since my mother capitalized on this a great deal as a hoarder and unstable caregiver, I became a bit of an automaton, seeing love as only an exchange for service (highly Christian upbringing, so this was praised or ignored as normal practice). I spent this weekend with The Blind Spot deck, which at first felt like an internal bludgeoning (resistance to the truth hurt), and I was so disappointed in my progress as a human. But then, I kept using it and read more about it. I got to know the Sigils better. Now, I see how I have identified with all these aspects of me that were hoarded false aspects to 'get' love. But I don't have to 'get' it as in find the way to pry it out of others (a normal way of being in my childhood until complete apathy arose). Now, this is a time of complete flourishing, my wires are uncrossing, my joy is returning. The thorns have been pulled out of my heart, my Paw and I see I have been throwing the shade everywhere to see my own light. This has been retired for going directly for what I want. I noticed I even wait to eat my favorite thing last on the plate because I had to devise ways to look forward to things. The concept of hardship and famine was too real. The muteness of interaction, wealth, heat in the winter. Now, I know as I am authentic, and especially in love languages, I am who I say I am and I receive who I know myself to be. This is enormous change and I am grateful. I am the change. Thanks, Teal. It hurts to do this work, and I love the change I have become. I love the loveless version of me as she integrates and speaks up finally. The exalted version of that existence feels so much better. She sings loudly when authentic to do so. I believe I also see writing as a gift I give to others. I had a dream a while ago where I saw writing appear on a wall (it was very Harry Potter, not gonna kid), 'You are called. You guide others in their calling. You are gifted and you are also a gift'. If that is the case, I can see why it hurts so much not to get a response back when I write. But I can work with this information. I can figure out where this fits because I know the pieces fit. Instead of leaving a gathering early (a Friendsgiving of kindred folks), being trained to believe I 'overstay my welcome' by parents and caregivers, I expressed how much it meant to be staying around others and how healing it was and I was accepted, warmly received and invited to return often. I may even live in this house soon and am very excited. This expansion led to looking for more work so I can be secure (something I struggle with because of fear of being in a pattern of jobs I don't want to be in forever). I feel very ready to blossom in these areas. In this journey of going from non-verbal to verbal, I am learning to open up (I fear talking to people because of being rejected and alone, so I'm coming into being consciously present and not bulldozing to be heard either, which is a surprising reverse behavior I'm seeing). What a great weekend of authentic self discovery.
  7. @vatya Ah, absolutely! Perfect timing! I was actually sitting with the Sigil Deck and the card 'Their Goodness'. I have trouble seeing the goodness in others right now so I can use all the insight available. Thank you so much.
  8. @vatya Thank you! This week has had a lot of strong messages for me (Wow, I am humbled by my shadow sides). I take them to mean I'm a match to them for my overall experience, then dig into my intuition to see what it means in the moment I am seeing it. The Blind Spot Deck has revealed a lot of intense shadow, so the sum of the work here is to go directly for what I want and to be authentic. Happiness wasn't safe for me as a child so I made sadness my core self concept. I've been stuck in blame and accusation forever and have a new awareness of how I was working internally. With these messages, especially the frequency paintings, I see them as frequency shifters that allow the lower vibrations concerning them to surface and become integrated. It's been intense! Happy holiday, I hope you're well!
  9. I love this idea! Today, I leveraged 'Let the Universe Choose Your Message', which lead to the video choice 'When Happiness is Bad' and the frequency painting 'Aplomb'. A beautiful encouragement of confidence. In my first time using the Blind Spot app, the card of the day was '54, The Positive', which was literally the same message. This was so encouraging and magical, I wanted to come here and share it with everyone! Encouragement in hard times that the path opens to happiness and joy with authentic expression. That one does not have to be sad to be 'good'. I can sing and have fun, and share joy, even when others despise it. Finally!!! Yay, a great idea! @vatya
  10. Plant based frozen dessert pie slices. Yoga-urt! (Don't worry, they deliver nationwide.) Sometimes I get so stressed, I don't want to eat too much but these frozen treats entice me! I just had an icy interaction with a co-worker and acquired some smokey quartz to process the negative exchange. The strong reactions of men, even if nonverbal trigger the living ish out of me. I trigger a lot lately, so I leverage the CP for what ails, get answers, process, heal and snack heavily, lol. I like to walk to process as well. It sucks when everyone around me on my 'teams' (I'm a part of 3 currently) are like non-responsive versions of my internalized parents. I hate it, not even gonna try to like it. But I just purchased The Blind Spot deck so let the games begin. The Universe and my Higher Self have scouted these folks to help me integrate, so I hope they have their favorite snacks picked out. It's about to get festive in their subconscious, hatoraide laced holiday petri dish.
  11. Love love love this so much. Thank you! Love you!
  12. I would most definitely follow Teal (and probably spiritually have followed her) into Mordor. My heart is with her and all of the folks on her Team as well as the folks on this forum. Humanity needs humanity more than ever right now. Reprieve. There is so much to gain by dredging the bottom layers of the 'drudgery' mire. The deadened, hardened layers of my life have given way, jaws gaping open, misery pouring out of me eagerly. This has been my week of diving into soupy 'grey areas' of shallow looking shadow in my life that I plunged neck deep angrily and grief laden into. It took my breath away with its coldness and depth. I got throttled by 'embarrassment' wounding and sat for days in and out of it leveraging CP. I trigger about 'embarrassment as punishment' at the slightest nudge, so it's been tender work. I joked with my guides earlier that I feel like A New Earth terraformed, a tenderized steak. I feel completely new and like I've been maxed out. I rested today regardless of due dates though I have very lenient and understanding college instructors. I am feeling the endgame 2019 burn here before 2020 comes marching in. I love you all.
  13. @vatya Thanks so much, I have embraced my villainy this week and realized that I have let go of 'needing others to like me'. By doing this, I am allowing myself to not need to do anything to gain anything from others. It was the most loving and gangster way I could achieve freedom from obsessing over status with others, if that makes sense. I'm open to being the villain but also open to being authentic, either way. If I am a slave to kindness, then I abandon free will for determinism anyway! So, here I begin a new journey altogether. Very exciting. If I'm not trying to get anything from others, or achieve to gain something, my life is comically easy, lol. I'm going to work with Teal's painting, 'The Way' this week and see what happens. Much joy to you!
  14. @vatya Hi Vatya! Oh, man I've gotten OBE and a LOT of Acturian Grids actually. Thankfully, I also got Festivity, which has been lovely to study with. I just watched the Chicago Workshop's Pt 2 last night and honestly, my creepy shadow self saw itself in the mirror; it's the part that wants significance and the sharing of other peoples' limelight (even if I thought it was for collaboration purposes - I'm a musician), but I realize now that I can find my own stage and let all the shadow fizzle out. I'd rather be terrified and solo on a stage that's mine than an energy sucker that has the backlash of the century for not going directly for the expression I desire to embody and express authentically. Whew, that was the wake-up call of the ages for me! What a crazy group shadow! I feel better now, but I really felt like a horror movie last night after watching it, like I was in sudden realization of going from the heroine to the villain! It's been a day of purging and healing, that's for sure. Boundaries are very important if we want to live an authentic life, that's for sure.
  15. @BeyondTheRim That's cool. And it really is a great thing to bring awareness to all, especially with the more difficult topics. I didn't think I liked learning new things anymore, then I returned to college and it's been better. I had to dissolve a lot of core concepts and unravel what was inauthentic to my actual learning journey, then what I actually wanted to learn began to surface and appear clearly.
  16. Hi BeyondTheRim! I really enjoyed this post, it's knowledgeable and well thought out. I have been delving into the site replies more and making an effort to connect more. Are you a writer or do you find it inspiring to gather facts? Or both? I wanted to post and lend some appreciation for your content contribution. I write and am looking to interact with folks here a bit more than I have been.
  17. Hi Vatya! I love this! I have really enjoyed getting to know and entrain with the different frequencies throughout each day (I try to refresh the Let the Universe Choose section twice a day or so as needed). What lead you to do this practice? It is an awesome idea for emotional introspection! I leverage the frequencies chosen as the lock screen and home screen of my mobile device and it has really made healing waves in my life.
  18. Stephanie Wintermute


    I can't stand to prank people but these were really funny and innovative pranks. I wish you all could have had a laugh and talked about the situation but that didn't happen, obviously. I wanted family more than anything in my teens (and I still do but I'm actively building it up). People that distanced from me when it came to 'family time', where there was closeness until the secluded 'premium' family time was 'taken away' or 'kept' from me burned my entire being. My mother had a near fatal aneurysm when I was 17 and my father abandoned my sister and I at my grandparents' house a month or so after. The church my mother had attended years back and that my grandparents did custodial work for and attended had volunteers that spent time with me and my sister; one I grew very close to, and she was even my first boss in the church office. Inevitably, the pulling away from my sister and I instead of the integrating of us into their family that already had successful children attending college occurred and I was left feeling like I was completely worthless to everyone, a pauper that could be thrown out like a replaceable cup. I was a charity case and of no authentic value. When this woman attended my mother's memorial gathering in 2017, I was boggled. Where had she been for the last 15 years? It felt like she was looking into my open casket of a heart as I interacted with her and I felt morally confounded. 2 1/2 years later and like 1 million frequent flier miles of parts work and inner child work later, the death of my father 3 months ago and I'm finally about to write about all of it. To be treated as an eternal stranger with limited access to complete acceptance or love is torture. It is straight up traumatic to have an aquarium of family love sitting next to you and to not be able to get through the glass. Teal Tribe has healed this dynamic for me. I'm still punching through the glass (I was in an incubator after birth and have a lot of these interaction dynamics); now though, at least the people I see on the inside are in discussion and harmony with me as we partner with each other. I have the homeopathic frequency healing available through the frequency paintings Teal creates. I have all the love in the world. I used to listen to the Nine Inch Nails song, 'All the love in the world' (one of my favorite outros ever is in that song), and I remember thinking 'at least somebody gets it'. No, we all get it. And now, we get to have all the love in the world, ourselves and each other too. I love all of you with all my heart. I raise my vibration and do all of the work knowing it benefits me and it benefits all of you. My purpose is renewed. I watched the poem video Teal recorded for Teal Tribe yesterday and I wish my 17-year-old self could have had this in 1998...but the more I integrate, the more I know that this is it. The hope was all for something. And this is it. Much gratitude. Teal Tribe for life.
  19. I realized Friday that I was about to have a bit of a powder keg of expansive energy overtake me. And there was the slightest twinge of not moving on it but then I had to go forward because I've been working on authenticity and doing parts work for four weeks straight. I want to move. Literally. I stayed up all night filling out an application for a creative art house living situation because it was like my reality just evaporated around my ears. I needed to move forward immediately on it. I feel like the ground is disappearing under my feet and I have a stable living place that's safe and consistent but it's very close to being too far in my comfort zone and it's a residential program where I feel I can't expand any more. I can save money, I have a lot saved. But it's TIME. I've worked with 'The Time Wielder' frequency painting for the last few days and some interesting things around constructs have been dismantling for me. I've only felt this way a couple times on my journey and it's been playing it safe that's resulted in the universe 'breaking the cage' with me in it. Over the weekend, I took an extra shift at work so I didn't see the workshop but I could feel it was epic. I have made it a practice to work with the frequency paintings, videos and messages that are presented by the 'let the universe choose your message' and today it was 'Financial Freedom'. I use the full 11 minutes to entrain completely. 'OBE' was yesterday. That was very intense. I've been sobbing harder and have been more enraged this weekend than in ages. Grief has consumed my body, and I've been diving in. I was visited by my father in a dream last night (he transitioned into the non-physical in July) and the part of me I was working with to help grieve him was actually able to go with him. She was around 17 and had always wanted to go with him into his life. It was truly awesome. I was happy for her and after much emotional venting, I felt amazing relief. We spoke about many things, including me moving. 'This is a nice place but you can't stay here forever,' he said. 'Move. Take the chance'. The art housing community emailed me today and I have an interview tomorrow. I cannot explain the inverted drive to move on this; the part of me that could not go went with my father, I had to stay up all night completing that application. I've lived on a campus with an entirely different belief system than me for over 2 years. I completed an intense recovery program to get off the streets of Los Angeles. I changed everything. A new stagnation is not an option. There was a child singing 'I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead' on the playground outside today. I've seen signs saying 'Take Sunset' all day (the name of the house I'm interviewing for is called Sunset House). I can't stay still any more. Forward is my new favorite flavor of life. This is the biggest leap I've taken since the car trip that brought me across the country... And I'm doing it now for 2020 because I'm staying ahead of the wave. If I'm following my calling and my joy, then it benefits the entire collective. And if I fall, I will fall forward! I love everyone!
  20. I am so excited! I thought it would be a bit longer before this Workshop would post. So happily surprised! I love you all so much!!
  21. Time to donate the lemon for a tax write off! Or sell it to a chop shop! Or make cool art out of it! Or torch it! (please do not actually torch it unless there are special effects pros around. I live in Los Angeles, and we see these things ALL THE TIME) There is always someone who can benefit from a derelict vehicle - either people who can fix it, harvest it for parts (don't forget about the tires) or your good old fashioned scrap yard. One person's lemon is another person's lemonade stand! Craigslist the lemon!!
  22. AHA, yes! I love this! When I checked this post, it was 5:15pm PT, and it had been posted at 10:05am with 55 comments. So, all I saw was hooray, positive CHANGE! (155, 1555.) This is something I have been championing in the past few months, and partnered with the Premium content (I watched the Los Angeles 2014 workshop from midnight until 5am for instance), and the frequency paintings for 'Joy', 'Exhilaration' and 'Receiving' I have come out of creative deep freeze. I have been experiencing the feeling of a creative Renaissance for all of us in this collective, and I'm so thrilled to be a part of this tribe. So excited this is gaining momentum! I have leveraged the vibrational scale in my journey, and passed the threshold into empowerment because of Teal, and her material (as well as a great deal of studying and practicing). Moving out of the 'desire' stage and into the action stages has been blowing the top off my inspiration. Everything I practice I know helps the collective, and it makes it all the sweeter. Much love to everyone!
  23. Last night, I was unpacking my carry on while simultaneously doing parts work when I happened upon the 3 clothing items given to me by my father's significant other during a recent trip to my hometown of Baltimore, Maryland. I picked up the white thermal he used to wear, and I began to sob. He recently passed away, and it has been a healing journey of very visceral purges like wet knots in my stomach and heart contractions. 

    I very gently packed the belongings away with other beloved items, and sat in meditation for a while. I've been working with Teal's vibrational painting print, 'Receive,' and I actually felt an aspect of me kicking and screaming because it couldn't accept the vibration of it. I was able to find a memory of being stuck in my crib as an infant where I was left alone, and I was kicking, locked up, and it felt like I was so upset I was both seizing and dissociating. Typically, I go into a memory afterward with my guides, and remedy things intuitively. This time, Teal was there, and scooped my infant self up, where she held me. 'I had to,' she smiled in the memory. I was able to see this, and feel that my infant self knew it was safe, and forever safe in the collective safety we all share in being 'together.' I was able to 'close' the memory within my own 'campus' or 'memory castle' (or 'sanctuary') that one creates for TCP though I've been working with my created space for much longer, and felt resolution. 

    My water fixture in this space is like a tank where I can allow the water, suspended in a cube, to wick out all kinds of inner pollution, purify tendrils of energetic murkiness, and whatever else might be needed. 

    It was during this session that I realized I was seeing myself in the womb. I saw an embryonic version of myself, and through divine guidance brought the vibration of 'Receive' into it with me. 'Hi,' I said, elated to see myself. I had a release, and began to cry as I told this being she would be received fully, in love, and that she was beautiful. I felt these emotions genuinely, and was so delighted. The expansion in my heart space was like a creaking glacier, gleaming with sunlight. The ice in my being had been touched by presence, the light of consciousness. 'I am the womb, the womb I am,' I thought. 'I am the chrysalis, the chrysalis I am.' 

    This evening, there was a part of me that did not want to work on my penultimate college class project. A couple of my guides and I spoke with her in the 'campus' space, someplace comfortable. She looked about 14, and wanted to be a kid. Upon speaking with her for a few moments, I asked, 'Is it that we're about to go on to another class, and you don't want to miss our instructor?' I had a huge break, and began to cry once more, my heart released deep ache. I was able to go back to when my younger self around age 6 had grown attached to her teacher, and was traumatized to leave her behind. I was able to allow her teacher and my mother to become friends, and host after school activities for other little girls who were art sensitive like I had been. This resolved the trauma, and my family home became the warm, bright, bustling place I had always wished it would be. 

    Meanwhile back...

    In my 'campus sanctuary,' the 14-year old had been playing with other girls her own age for a bit. I was sitting with one of the guides I'm closer with, and we were talking some things over. Recently, a coworker had shocked me in a bout of feedback that had manifested as cold statements about the series I've been creating for many years. It's become bigger than the sky, it feels like. 'No restrictions being applied' one of my guides just pointed out on this page. Yeah, parameters will be set shortly. I realized my 14-year old had come back. She wanted to reintegrate with me. We were present with each other for a little bit, and I wanted to make sure this was what she wanted because there was no rush, but she was ready. So, I allowed for her reintegration, and for that of any other part of me stuck in 'freeze', or in 'numbness.' 

    What I saw was truly beautiful. I saw a mental landscape like that of a Chronicles of Narnia mini-series I watched as a child. Like a scene near the finale of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, I saw icy landscapes beginning to thaw, as in spring. I invited all parts of my being to join in with this springtime thaw, and I heard a great 'crack!' as if the stone table had split, a glacier had broken in two. Creaking continued, and became running water. I felt renewed, and 'begin anew' kept scrolling in words across my mind's eye like in a content creator's video. Warmth touched my being, and my divine feminine energy began to flow throughout this experience. I felt instantly reborn, as I had while in 'the womb' the night before. 

    These miraculous experiences are such a gift. I'm truly grateful to Teal Swan for The Completion Process, and for everything that I'm seeing reborn in my life. I'm turning my penultimate project in a bit late, but now, there is another time, and another place for everything. 

  24. I leveraged the top of my dresser as an 'open' Bliss Box, with positive 'thank you' cards, ornaments, and crystals I can glance at as I touch base in the room throughout the day. I also have small arrangements of tea boxes with fun pictures, and chocolate bars (crystallized Ginger is my fave to read in passing right now). It help me to immediately have a visual since I can spiral upward or downward quickly with my environment. I love the 'Bliss Box' concept so much.

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